Syzygy
by Kaalja
Summary: Kylo Ren struggles to fulfil a legacy while hesitantly reaching out for something more. Rey finds her own new hope and a responsibility she may not be ready for. The war takes an unexpected turn for both. Will Kylo and Rey's choices lead to peace or suffering? Post TLJ. Mostly film compliant with some Legends. Slightly AU with character histories and appearances. Slow burn. Reylo.
1. Syzygy 1 - Kylo Ren

It had been a difficult day full of meetings and Hux was lingering in his office yet again. Despite their tumultuous working relationship before, the ginger man seemed both relieved and deeply irritated at Kylo Ren's sudden promotion - odd but not unmanageable. The general had been taught how to shield his mind for the most part, as had all the generals under Snoke, but every so often Kylo would sense a laxness and immediately brush over his mind. He'd done the same when Snoke was alive, only rarely lest his intrusions be seen as an undermining of his late master's authority. Now there was no such restraint upon him and he almost relished in doing the smaller things Snoke's presence had stopped him from.

Unfortunately Hux was actively blocking his mind and Kylo could not gain anything without him knowing. Months ago he wouldn't have cared but now it was imperative that his people see him as Supreme Leader and no longer Snoke's apprentice. Kylo's eyes had been fixed on the datapad before him, one among dozens, and when Hux did not get the point and take an exit he glanced up.

"Is there something other than these findings you have to report, General?"

Hux snapped to attention immediately at the address but seemed almost lost for words. Kylo wondered if it was the absence of the mask. After he'd stopped wearing it around a month ago, those around him used to it had been unnerved and uncomfortable looking at him directly. That was good. They did not need to feel comfort in the presence of their leader. They needed to feel respect, loyalty, and obedience.

"My...my Lord. It has come to my attention that many of the crew are… concerned about your Lordship." the delivery was halted and exceptionally awkward.

Kylo stared at him, shocked, and sat back in his seat. Hux couldn't be serious. Concerned? About Kylo Ren? Preposterous.

"Explain." he said flatly, gesturing for Hux to do so quickly. He was confused and his patience was swiftly starting to wear.

Hux took a breath and blinked slowly, "There have been… many incidents where my Lord has… where the ship's interior has been damaged and I have been… tasked with..."

It took a great deal of control to not slam his hands against the desk and bellow out demands for who, exactly, had these concerns so he could eject them from an airlock. His actions were not to be questioned. But he was no longer an apprentice, he was now the master and his behavior needed to change accordingly. He wasn't so foolish as to think fear was the only thing necessary to instill loyalty. Moments of blinding rage aside, of course.

"With what, General?" Kylo snapped, "I do not possess a wealth of patience!" he raised a hand and used the Force to press just the slightest pressure against the ginger's throat.

The general coughed and stood up straighter and blurted, "I have been tasked with inquiring as to whether your Lordship needs time to adjust to the loss of the S-...of your master."

Kylo Ren's hand dropped and it took a moment process what the general had just said. Time to adjust to the loss? What in the stars was the man jabbering on about? He was still jabbering, in fact, and Kylo focused back on what he was saying.

"… -stand the Force, but I do know that certain things are… different for Force users. I do not intend to overstep my bounds, my Lord. I only wish, the crew only wishes to ensure the absolute health of the Sup- our Lord. For the good of the First Order."

Right, of course. The good of the First Order. Yes, it was paramount. Kylo shook his head and waved his hand for Hux to stop rambling on, which he did. The crew thought he was _disturbed_ by the loss of his master. It made him want to laugh but he refrained. As it was, Hux already seemed to be on the verge of a seizure with how nervous he was. Obviously he expected some form of punishment but Kylo couldn't get past how hilarious the entire notion was to muster up an urge to choke him. At least not all the way.

"Noted. Dismissed."

"But...my Lord..."

Hux rose into the air at Kylo's outstretched hand and was deposited firmly at the door, his eyes wide with fear, "General Hux, your report has been noted and you have been dismissed. I trust my authority will not be questioned further."

"Yes, Lord Ren, of course!" the other man got out quickly, giving a last salute before fleeing the room.

Once he was gone, Kylo Ren did laugh, a dark rumbling in his chest. So the crew thought he was upset because daddy Snoke was dead? If they only knew. He snorted and shook his head, dropping his datapad to the desk. The clattering sound resonated throughout the large office and he stared out through the large viewport at the stars. Hux may be endlessly irritating and disturbingly devoted to the cause but he did supply a steady amount of amusement. Mostly he was just grating. Though their relationship had vastly improved with the death of Snoke.

This room used to be the chamber the former Supreme Leader projected his ridiculously enormous holo in to terrorize and prod at his underlings. Now it had been refitted into two spaces; a meeting room with a single long table and a large office for himself. All clean lines and black marble paired with the shining plating of the ship. No elaborate furnishings or thrones for him, they weren't needed to impress upon his men that he was in charge. All the remaining ships in the fleet had the same thing done, he'd seen to that quickly after his ascension. Interestingly enough there had been zero complaints.

As quickly as possible, Kylo had made it known that he would not answer to the grandiose title, but to his usual moniker. He did not fail to notice the relief on the faces of many at his doing away with the gaudy appellation "Supreme Leader" and he had been forced to repress a smirk at the time, he could relate to the sentiment. Having a four syllable title was beyond stupid and he'd always thought so, though he'd been able to address Snoke simply as Master. At first he thought his usual "Lord Ren" would do just fine and also serve to remind him of his responsibility as Lord Vader's grandson. However, it was becoming a nuisance to hear the thing over and over again as there simply wasn't much else to call a Lord. The first time he had been referred to as someone's "Lordship" he'd almost choked. He would have to find a different title in the future but it would certainly not be a jumbling of nonsense solely meant to lord his power over others. Snoke had been weak in that way.

Snoke. Their self enthroned Supreme Leader. So hands off when it came to anything not directly increasing his power and dominion over the galaxy that it was the generals, and specifically Hux, who had been running things. The new leader's desire to actually be involved and in charge had been quite the adjustment. Some chafed at the idea that their free reign had been truncated but others had been quite pleased at the new Supreme Leader taking a role. The first time he'd told Hux to arrange an official meeting with the generals, the man had practically beamed with joy. He had left the head office so jovially that Kylo thought he might start skipping down to communications deck to summon all the generals to the Finalizer, it had been slightly traumatizing.

The meeting had gone as expected, a dull affair at the long black table in the room adjoining his office on this very ship. Mostly meant to cement his position as head of the First Order and assure the loyalties of what remained of the fleet, it had run on for a perverse amount of time. Holdo's suicide run had damaged morale and it was laid at Kylo's feet to bolster the troops. A new goal was discussed and plans had been started. With Starkiller gone, they needed a new base of operations rather than a floating fleet in space. Planets would be discussed and decided upon after the proper investigations were complete. He had decided before the meeting, but his drive was reinforced to do what Snoke had never truly done. Lead.

Not every officer had been personally vetted by Kylo to ensure their support, but the most important one had. Armitage Hux. The bastard son of Brendol Hux, originator of the current Stormtrooper program, and the hired help. Kylo had initially been dismissive of the ginger general on principle. He'd been outwardly antagonistic since their first meeting so many years ago, though Kylo would grant the reasoning for such was sound if not a little petty. The picture painted from possibly hundreds of occasions Kylo had to sweep gently over the general's mind was an overwhelming frustration towards him.

Kylo was, in Hux's mind, given an enormity of leeway due to his parentage while he had clawed his way to the top from nothing. Literally nothing, as Kylo had found out. At one point in his youth, after a string of murders, Hux had been arrested and destined for a lengthy and very public trial. After ensuring the scandal was officially tidied, his son declared insane and locked away in a medical facility on Naboo to avoid publicity of trial, Brendol abandoned him altogether. Only after Hux's recovery and release had he pursued a military career. The man had gone from mental patient to general within only thirteen years, an unheard of feat for the First Order which prided itself on strict meritocracy and grueling standards.

Kylo had gone through every record pertaining to the man, searching for a reason to have him quietly put down so he could have a measure of peace. Brendol's untimely death seemed promising but there was nothing to connect it to the son and mind probing was not an official form of evidence. Instead what Kylo learned prompted him to devise something of a truce with Hux, a mind like his would be an unrivaled asset and had assuredly been already as far as the Order was concerned. Surprisingly he'd found they could work together – which they did, and well if not strained, after a common ground was reached.

Both desired justice and peace, something the believed only attainable through a galaxy-wide order. A single ruling entity free of the rampant corruption which plagued the Republics, old and new. Though Hux was a little more alarmingly ruthless when it came to any scrap of rebellion, they both agreed it must be stamped out for the sake of peace. Kylo made it clear he would forge that peace with fire and durasteel if he had to, and he'd found Hux a wary but willing assistant. If the galaxy was not brought together by force it would never come together at all and chaos would reign with all the suffering that went with it. He would finish what his grandfather started and no one would be allowed to remain in his way.

The flash of a red saber crossed his vision and he wiped his face with his hand to get rid of the memory of a brief, forgiving touch.

No. He would not be weak. A fool, perhaps, in the past, but not weak. Not now. Unlike his grandfather, he would not give in to the weakness of choosing a side. Of believing there was a side, something so inane, to the Force. It undid him in the end. Instead of sacrificing his son for the good of the galaxy and completing his vision, he died a victim of sentimentality. No. Kylo would not be weak, he would not succumb.

Yes, killing Han Solo had, at its core, been a test meant to torment and oppress him. Yes, he had been foolish to believe his late Master's pressing of how it would relieve his struggle. Yes, he had faltered when the time came. But he had pulled the strength from within himself to make that great sacrifice, something Vader was unwilling to do, for the sake of his vision. Family.

The tie between father and son and he'd shattered it. By the Force, how he suffered for it now but it fired the resolve in him to continue. If he gave up now, it would be for naught. The nightmares, the nausea, the guilt scrabbling at him like a wild animal – they would be meaningless.

" _You are a monster."_

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, which was now one big enough to fit his large frame. Her eyes had been daggers and he hadn't even bothered to deflect them as they pierced him, needing it from the outside instead of just from inside himself. She was right. She, the abandoned progeny of junk traders from a backwater nothing planet, was correct. Even so, he'd seen her future. Standing at his side was where she'd end up, making their rule complete and whole, and nothing would stop that because nothing would stop him. He was a monster. Stars knew he would become even more if it was necessary. He would make her understand.

Skywalker had likely filled her head with Jedi lies of light and righteousness and emotionless warbling. Of the superiority of one side over the other. It would do her no good, he sensed the darkness within her just like she felt the light within him. She would see, now that Skywalker was gone from doing anymore damage, the futility of it. If the duality inside her was anything like his own, she would have no choice. There would be no peace for her. He felt it every time they connected. It was only a matter of time before she saw the truth.

He would show her.

As he turned his attention back to the datapads, the one he'd dropped about approving comings and goings – even one request from Hux himself, he reached out with the Force. Likely it would have no result, they had not connected since Crait. When she'd shut what felt like a metal door in his face. Still. Perhaps he would feel something of her, the soothing her Force signature had when it mingled with his own. Like water over a burn. Perhaps.

* * *

AN: I combined and edited, but do not own, the images in the story cover. They belong to their original copyright holders and I make no profit from their use.


	2. Syzygy 2 - Rey

Rey let out a breath, letting her head fall back onto the makeshift mattress. Another breath in; which she held, trying to calm her breathing. The mattress next to hers shifted and Finn's head popped out from his blanket to fix slow blinking eyes on her. A hand reached over to her forearm and she smiled, letting the held breath out slowly.

"Sorry." She whispered, trying not to disturb the other occupants of the hut. They were five to a hut with how few huts were actually on the island. Sometimes she found it suffocating but mostly she basked in the presence of others, people who truly meant her no harm. What she'd dreamt of on Jakku, only different.

Finn shook his head and patted her arm, "Nothin' to be sorry for. You okay? 'Nother dream?"

Though soft and sleep filled, the concern in his voice was so sincere she shut her eyes against the onslaught of emotions. The shock and soul-wrenching reality that someone would choose to care about her, a nobody in the desert, always tore through her. On one hand she could count the times she'd actually needed to give her name to someone before Finn. Slowly she was trying to get used to what other people seemed to view as normal, and the feeling grew more subdued as days went by, but it lingered. Maybe one day it wouldn't.

 _"But not to me."_

Ruthlessly, almost violently, Rey ripped that stray memory away and hurled it from her mind. She smiled and rolled to face Finn, "Yeah."

He nodded and moved his hand to squeeze hers, she returned the gesture. All his life he'd wanted permission to care about something, someone. They'd talked about it before: their lives before meeting each other. His had been a far cry from hers and he sometimes craved the solitude that she so desperately wanted out of. After his initial desire to run as far from the First Order as possible had faded and he'd realized he was free, he'd become so deeply caring about everyone around him it awed her. She cared about people, of course, but it seemed special for Finn. He had almost died on Crait, for all of them, and she hadn't even known it. The pain of that would likely never go away and she would never in her life be able to thank Rose enough but it had also made her so proud to call him friend.

"We're here, Rey. We're safe. You're safe." his eyes were clearer now and his voice was firm. He released her hand to scoot his mattress closer to hers, and she did the same. "There. I'm right here if you need me, 'kay? Try to get some sleep."

Satisfied with her nod of agreement, he went back to sleep. She pulled the blanket tighter around her and let her eyes roam over the hut. It didn't take long, the place was small, but at least it kept the body heat contained in a single space. Being in the middle of the hut, the fire pit heated the space well enough but it had gone out some time ago and the heat with it. She didn't bother suppressing the smirk at five human heating units laying next to each other trying to keep each other warm, biological machines. Most of the others didn't mind the cold but they didn't come from a desert planet as far as she knew. Sure, it got cold at night on Jakku but it was easy to stay reasonably warm in the depths of her AT-AT. Here, the idea of staying warm for any length of time was not happening unless you were directly in front of a roaring fire.

They'd gone to Ahch-to after Crait which was an easy decision to make and, it seemed, the only one. If Luke had been able to hide there for so long, not even his sister finding him, then it was perfect for the Rebellion to regroup without interference. They had nothing but the clothes and supplies on their backs or the Falcon, meager but sustaining for the first few weeks. Their only other ship was Luke's X-Wing that had been submerged for who knew how long which Rey had been able to pull up only with intense effort. Even now, a full lunar cycle later, they were nowhere near salvaging it, and not just because there was a marked absence of parts but due to the thing being a mess. When the supplies had finally dwindled, Chewie began to take the Falcon out on supply runs with a rotating partner but only about a handful of times; wary as they were of anyone noticing the ship. After Crait, it was obvious the freighter was a source of contention with the First Order. No small wonder there, she snorted. At this point, the Order probably had standing orders to shoot it on site.

Her thoughts wanted to wander to the son of the Falcon's owner which she instinctively combated. As usual, the more she tried to think of anything else the more random thoughts involving him ran through her mind. Had he truly tried to kill her? He had to have known she was on board when he shot at the ship. Right? Though she had escaped the ship on the pod meant for Snoke, surely Ben would have felt her on the Falcon. He'd fired even so. Apparently, he knew exactly what he wanted now and Rey had no part in it. She closed her eyes and rolled onto her back, then onto her other side. Away from Finn so he wouldn't notice her giving in and crying over a murderous monster. The man who'd savagely marred her best friend.

Before, she'd known loneliness intimately. Always with her as a cloak and shield against the universe that kept her from her family. But this feeling, the feeling of being known and understood and connected - then having all of it betrayed: It stabbed at her almost constantly. It made her so angry that she'd allowed herself to be in this position at all but here she was, with these stupid foolish feelings because some great ass chose to wallow in his selfishness. And leave her alone, just as her parents had. Giving in and letting thoughts of worthlessness win over her mind would be so easy but she only had to turn around to prove to herself that she did have worth. She was wanted, people did choose her. Leia had chosen her even after her husband had been murdered after going to save her on Starkiller. Poe had chosen her even after knowing she'd gone to Ben, the man he'd been personally tortured by. And Finn. Finn had chosen her even after she'd beaten him up and yelled at him on Jakku. Then he'd chosen Rey again after knowing she'd tried to save a creature who'd left him for dead, pouring his life out into the snow. The darker skinned man behind her deserved more than that, he deserved a better friend.

Rey wiped her eyes, disgusted with herself and angry again at Ben. He could have his throne if that's what he wanted, his armies and his crown of hatred. All of it was filth. In the end, it would make no difference: throne or snowy forest - she would knock him down from wherever he stood if he chose the path of darkness. Chose to hurt her friends. If only she could show him how empty it was, how the promises the dark whispered were always wrapped in poisonous barbs and lies. She'd seen the emptiness and futility of it in the cave beneath the island, a place she had immediately asseverated be unequivocally off-limits. Not only there but in Ben himself, in his deep eyes that yearned for something to fill the void within him. He hadn't found it - not because he wasn't ruling the galaxy, but because it wasn't there to begin with. Darkness had taken the rift within him and stretched it into a gaping maw, ravenous and ever hollow.

There was so much anger inside him that could be assuaged, she was certain, if only he'd stop. Only then would there be hope for him to truly heal the hurts he harbored and she knew they were deep. When their minds were connected and more so when they'd touched in this very hut, she'd seen the chasmal rent in him. Never in Rey's life had she hurt for another person the way she'd hurt for Ben in those moments. His sorrow and anger were like a cyclone and all he was doing was letting it break against him, wounding his spirit even more. She could show him a better way, she knew it. All she needed was to find it.

-o0o-

"That's eight."

Rey started and looked up, her hand coming away from her face where she'd been rubbing her eyes, "What? Eight?"

Poe chuckled and hopped off the X-Wing they were working on, dusting his pants off, "Times you've rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. Probably been more but I'm not a stalker, so I haven't been paying attention very long."

A smile unfolded over her face and she stretched her neck a bit, "Sorry. I am not waking up well today."

"Yeah." he drawled, clapping her on the shoulder and giving her the tiniest of shoves, "Let's grab some caf and food. We've been out here for hours and she isn't gonna run away while we're gone." He pointed a thumb at the X-Wing.

"Thank the stars, I need something hot. I've been staring at this converter for, I think, a full ten minutes." she sighed, letting his shove direct her towards the huts. It was not really big enough to call a village but that's what everyone called it. Rey just thought of it as the huts.

"Nah, only about four. And that time, I _was_ being a stalker." he said, then put his hands up defensively while falling into step with her, "But in my defense: your face was hilarious, so it's not my fault."

She groaned and covered her face with one hand, "No, are you serious? Why didn't you say anything!"

"Uh, it was hilarious? Did I not make that clear? I thought I made that clear. The hilarity."

Instead of responding, she elbowed him and he made a ridiculous show of failing to dodge. It was a short walk to the huts, though it was uphill. This island made it seem like everywhere was uphill. As they neared the buildings, she saw Finn and a handful of others coming into the same area from the opposite side. Carrying... fish? She blinked a few times. There were several large fish-things hanging from a stick that both Finn and someone else was carrying. She hadn't learned everyone's name yet, which made her feel a little guilty as they all seemed to know hers, but Poe and Finn both assured her it wasn't a big deal. It was easy to get around it, at any rate.

"Is that… what are those? They're hideous."

A laugh escaped her at Poe's almost offended tone of voice. From her memories of Luke's stock of dried meat, Poe had reason to take offense. It was food but decidedly unpalatable, and Rey would eat almost anything. They both broke into a light run and were met with Finn and his cohorts being very proud of whatever they were doing.

"...-ood anymore, right? I mean, as long as you're okay with fish. Or whatever it is. Seafood? Anyway, anything other than synthsust is good with me." Finn was saying to Leia, who stood just outside of the hut Luke used to occupy.

The General had been staying on the Falcon with the communications officers just in case they received any word from their allies. So far there had been nothing and it'd been weeks already, though some thought it might be due to interference from the planet. Rey wasn't sure the planet created any interference but would definitely not be voicing that opinion any time soon. Sometimes Leia would come up to the huts to see how everything was going and to mingle, seeming to take a more personal tack of late. Currently it was because the Falcon was gone, but these weren't the only times the general came up to the huts. Perhaps because she knew morale was abysmal.

"I've been known to eat a fish or two in my time, Private Liber." the older woman said with a smile. She was leaning on her cane, still looking regal despite the assistance. Their scant numbers did have a couple members with medical training who seemed pleased with Leia's recovery.

Finn beamed and Rey couldn't help but smile as well. Ever since asking Poe to give him a last name, which a surprisingly emotional Poe did, Finn couldn't get enough of hearing it. Maybe not the most prodigious name, but Poe had taken it from the word "liberty" and Finn had absolutely adored it. The huge hug he'd given their pilot friend had been enough to make Rey wince, she was sure she'd heard ribs creaking in protest. Leia used the surname as much as possible and everyone else just followed suit. It wasn't every day a stormtrooper defected and fought so resplendently for the Resistance, Finn was every bit a legend ad Rey was. Though Rey was more disgruntled than pleased over the way others tended to view her. They seemed to think she'd bested Kylo Ren and defeated Snoke all in one swoop by herself, which was so backwards she could laugh. Almost.

After some more talk of seafood and the joys of "real food for a change", they handed the fish off to someone who could do something with it. Which was not Finn or herself; she considered herself skilled that she could fry up veg-meat. They had been living off rations and whatever root vegetables the Lanai caretakers had provided, the rations dwindling fast even with their culled numbers. Fixing whatever tech they'd gotten off Crait with and simply surviving on this planet was hard work, and hard work meant hungry people. At the moment, Chewie had taken the Falcon out with another pilot to scrounge up whatever supplies they could find but it was a risk, so the runs few and far in between.

Finn came over to them after noticing them and went to hug Rey, but she put her hands up and backed away, "Oh, I don't think so. No fish slime for me, if you please."

The man faked an affronted look while Poe laughed and shook his head vigorously, "I'm with her, brother. Sorry. You kinda smell like…" He cocked his head, "I actually don't know what that is. But, no."

"It's the smell of hard work, Poe. Best cologne a man can have. That's fine, though. No need to congratulate me for feeding the masses, not a big deal at all."

Rey rolled her eyes, "I hope you still feel so proud after you taste it."

Both men looked at her curiously, but the pilot was the one who asked, "Is it gross? Okay." he said putting his hands out as if measuring something, "How bad on a scale of engine grease to Jogan fruitcake?"

"I've never minded the first and have never had that other one. So… in between?"

"You guys are ruining this for me." Finn deadpanned, "While you two pick apart my accomplishments, I'm gonna go figure out what they're doing to my fish."

"I thought it was for the masses?" Poe called after him. Finn waved a hand dismissively and Poe snorted, then leaned his head all the way back to squint at the clouds, "I still want caf. You game?"

She started walking again as an answer, "Don't forget food, you also promised food." After a moment, because she could see the smirk and parting of his lips, she added, "No, the fish does not count."

Soon they were back at the X-Wing with packets of rations and cups of hot caf. Before they'd left the mess area, she had already downed a cup and gotten odd looks. It was nothing compared to the looks she'd received when, new to the Resistance, she'd try to trade things for food and water. That had been a mortifying conversation to have with Poe and Leia. Though his stay on Jakku had been brief, Finn had at least understood. Now comfortable with it being free, Rey took all the caf she could snag a cup of. The dark brew was a delicious novelty, plus it helped keep her energy up. Poe was currently stuffing his polystarch into his mouth, he always ate it first, and staring out at the water while she focused on getting the veg-meat to her mouth without it breaking. It held shape better when it was hot but after complaints about the smell, she didn't try to fry it up anymore.

"So, what are the dreams about?"

The words took her a moment to process and, when they did, she almost dropped her veg-meat but thankfully caught it. Not that she wouldn't have eaten it anyway, but less dirt was preferable. How did he know? Finn? She hadn't exactly told him to keep it to himself but she'd assumed he wouldn't just talk about it. Poe and he were close, sure, but...

"No, Finn didn't tell me. He doesn't really need to, I'm not blind." He said, turning his head toward her with a half amused, half serious expression, "I'm not exactly a heavy sleeper and I'm literally lying right there."

Rey snorted a laugh and rolled her eyes while quickly putting the veg-meat in her mouth to buy some time. Of course, it was foolish of her to forget about that but she had. With two out of five awake, surely it wouldn't take long for someone else to rouse even if they weren't being loud. Stars, she hoped he hadn't heard her crying or she'd jump off a cliff. Being that the island was practically made of cliffs, the hardest part would be picking one. She licked her lips for any last traces of food after swallowing and considered what to say. Her eyes lifted and she took a long look at Poe Dameron. He was a good man, even in the short time she'd known him she could tell that. She had good instincts for that, usually. Poe was impulsive and blunt but smart, warm-hearted, and you could trust him for miles. She looked back down and took a drink of caf.

"In one of them, I'm drowning." the words blurted out of her and she took a deep breath before continuing, "At least, I think I am. In the other one, I'm...I don't know. On fire. Falling. Crashing." she gestured weakly.

"Memories, maybe?" he offered, sitting on the ground where he'd been standing. Not too far but not too close, Poe was always gracious about giving her space, as if he sensed she needed it.

Eyebrows furrowed in frustration, she shook her head, "Can't be. I've never drowned. I've never even been in water, not like that, just rain. Takodana was the first time I'd seen so much as a lake. In the dream, it's like I'm at the bottom, fighting to get to the surface and I can't breathe."

Her hand went to her chest, rubbing the phantom feeling of her bursting lungs away with the back of it. She sipped her caf, blessedly still warm, just for something to do with her hands.

"But you have been in a crash before?"

A nod of hers petered out into a shrug, "Sort of? Crashed speeders. I don't remember anything like the crashing dream. It's...higher up. From the sky?" she waved her hand around searching for words, "It's a ship. I'm on a ship and it's crashing, and things are on fire - exploding, and the ground is rushing and then…" she trailed off.

Poe's brown eyes were soft and concerned when he looked at her, not unlike Finn but distinctly Dameron. Rey decided that made very little sense. She shrugged and rubbed her arm with her free hand.

"Then what?"

She shook her head, "Then nothing. I wake up. Just crashing or drowning, all the time. Sometimes going in slow motion, sometimes so fast it's nauseating."

"I'm not all...Force-y or anything, but do you think it could be the island? Isn't the first Jedi temple here or something? Maybe it's messing with you."

"That would be very convenient." she laughed and it turned into a sigh, "But I've had the crashing dream for a long time, off and on. Ever since I can remember, at least."

"What about the other one? We are on a big planet of water, just saying."

Rey looked at him, mouth open a little, half lost in thought, "...No. It...only when I got here, but that…"

Poe leaned forward a bit, eyes focused on her, "What? Is that bad? What?"

"No. No, it's just. I didn't have the drowning dream when I was here with Luke. Only now...on Ahch-to now that…"

"Damn, I'm sorry. Rey, I didn't mean to -"

A raised hand quelled his apology, "It's fine, Poe, really. I knew him for a rather short time and we didn't exactly have a very good...working relationship, you could say. I just wish…" she sighed again and made a frustrated sweeping motion with one hand, "I need to know more. I know it's selfish, but I needed more time."

He shook his head and stared into his own cup, "Nah, that's not selfish. You got this thing, ya know?" he said with a shrug, "First time I held a blaster, I was terrified. Honest. I didn't know how to use it." he held a finger up, "Flying. Different story. Felt like home. But you get what I mean?"

"Yeah." Rey smiled at him and he smiled back. Being around Poe was both relaxing and worrying at once. You weren't sure what he was going to do next but you had a pretty good idea everything was going to be okay. Maybe it was because life on Jakku was almost constant motion unless a storm was going on, but she found the dynamic of Poe was rather comforting.

He sipped his caf and made a face, she looked at hers and realized it had gone cold. She drank it anyway and reached out for his. For some reason, he refused to drink cold caf, which was ridiculous because caf was caf. He handed it over with a chuckle and she downed that as well. They'd been doing that a lot, trading off rations they didn't like when eating around the other, and it seemed they matched up pretty well. Whatever he didn't like, she usually did and the very few things she couldn't stand were things he was fine with. It worked nice enough, far be it from her to waste food or drink. Finn had a habit of eating everything he was given, probably from his upbringing, so doing the same with him was less a trade and more an act of theft. Though she did pass off things she didn't like to Finn, he just never had anything left to return the gesture. Rey revelled in the differences between everyone, she loved constantly learning little nuances of their separate personalities.

Setting the cups down where they wouldn't get in the way, she nodded towards the X-Wing, "Ready for another pass?"

Chewing the last of his polystarch loaf, Poe nodded wordlessly and started climbing the ladder to the cockpit. They worked for another few hours and got the operating system to finally turn on after replacing who knew how many wires and scrubbing some of the parts down until they shone. Generally, ships were supposed to be airtight but after being submerged so long they were lucky it was salvageable at all. Poe was downright overjoyed at the progress and she was also pleased, but she supposed being the one who was going to pilot it made a big difference. They cleared up the area, as it was starting to get dark and they had discovered quickly that the porgs liked to chew things. Everything went into a huge basket provided by the Lanai and was taken back to camp, though Poe had to dash back to grab their cups. It seemed as if he wanted to talk again but as his mouth opened it started pelting rain down on them both. He cursed, she laughed, and they both ran back to the huts to find there was a huge pot of fish stew bubbling away for evening meal instead of rations.

Many already had bowls and were eating, scuttling into huts now as only the cooking area had been sheltered by a tent they'd put up to do just that. The fire pits inside the individual huts weren't big enough to fit the comically large pot, likely another loan from the Lanai since she'd never seen it on the Falcon before. Rey highly doubted the freighter would be carrying enormous cookery. Finn was just inside the doorway of their hut with Kaydel, one of their other hut mates, talking animatedly to her while she tried to both laugh and spoon food into her mouth. It sort of worked. As Poe and she approached, bowls of their own dinner in hand, Kaydel's posture straightened and her eyes refused to look in the pilot's direction. Rey popped an eyebrow up and slightly tilted her head in question when she caught the blonde's eye and received a minute shake of the head. Had they argued again? She would have to ask later when the other woman could speak freely.

"Well, we know one thing." Finn said, chest puffed out, "Rey's a big fat liar. This fish is really not that bad."

Poe nodded while eating and Rey scoffed at both of them, "Fine, it's not. But Luke only ever smoked it. Or dried it? This has other things in it so I'm not sure if that counts as a lie."

Finn bobbed his head from side to side in a shrugging nod gesture that Rey assumed meant she was not that big or fat of a liar. The four of them ended up on the floor of the hut and were focusing on their bowls of soup when their last hut mate, Rose, came in. Panting and holding her own bowl, she leaned against the wall with streaks of machine oil across her face and a scowl.

"This rain stuff. Not helping." She complained while catching her breath, "How are we supposed to get anything done if we're running for cover thirty times a day?"

An exaggeration for sure, but Rey nodded anyway. The shorter woman's sentiment received sounds of agreement from the other four.

"We've been trying to figure out a way to erect more tent covers for the working spaces, but there just isn't enough spare material right now." Kaydel explained, tucking hair behind her ear. Usually, it was in twin buns but with the weather on Ahch-to either blowing it into a mess or making it too heavy with rainwater to stay put, she'd been keeping it in a single plait that reached the middle of her back. Pieces still escaped because that's what hair did on Ahch-to, but it was more manageable. Most of the members with longer hair were keeping it tied up here, even Rose had hers all pulled into the tail she wore instead of letting her bangs loose.

"Maybe Chewie will have had a good run this time. When is he due back? Have we heard anything?" Rey asked.

Finn replied that the Wookiee was due back within the week but that's all he'd heard. After they finished eating, Kaydel collected their bowls and Rey noticed a look pass between blonde and pilot that she hoped meant they were better now. Shortly after Kaydel exited, Poe made some mumbled excuse and headed out into the rain. Rey snorted. Couples were weird. At least Poe and Kaydel were. She could sort of understand their mutual decision to not act on their obvious feelings for each other until the war was over, but Rey wanted to yell at them that it might never be over in their lifetimes. Look how long Leia had been at this fight, could they really shirk their happiness for some ideal circumstance that may never be? Lately, it seemed that Poe was less intent on keeping the arrangement as it was but Kaydel was, understandably, afraid.

Rose was talking to Finn when Rey tuned herself back into the conversation; she'd been spacing out, lost in her own thoughts a lot since returning to Ahch-to. Usually, people left her to do what they thought were 'Jedi things' as if calling something Jedi explained even the oddest behavior. Rey let them, it suited her well enough for now. Her hut mates' conversation had made its way to guessing what the Resistance was going to do from here, where they would go, and how they were going to rebuild. Personally, she was tired of thinking about it. They'd all been thinking, and often talking, of almost nothing else since arriving. Hopefully, Chewie would be bringing back some good news with whatever supplies he'd found. She prayed all the time that he was alright and safe, if the Force could even do things like that. More things about this ability she was burdened with that she hadn't had a chance to learn.

A shiver passed through her and she decided it was past time to rebuild the fire. Finn tossed her whatever it was he'd found that made fire come out the end with a flick of your finger, a small metal rectangle with a hinged top, and she used it instead of doing things the hard way. A fire made, she settled down at the head of her mattress with her back against the wall and let her mind wander. The other two occupants of the hut had been gone a while now. Maybe Poe had found Kaydel and they were figuring things out. They deserved happiness even if it was to be short-lived. Something was better than nothing, right?

Thinking about Kaydel and Poe's relationship made her think about Finn and Rose's almost-relationship. They seemed to get on very well and had an easy rapport between them, though it felt that Finn was often unsure of what he wanted to do with it all. Rey told herself she wasn't jealous but that was a lie, and only a semi-comforting one. Not that she wanted to have a romantic relationship with Finn herself, but it was more that his attention was divided and inserting herself in their interactions felt extremely weird as she had only just begun getting to know Rose. The younger woman had taken a lot of damage saving Finn on Crait and it had taken a while for her to get back on her feet, even with everyone pitching in to make her recovery as smooth and short as possible. It wasn't like the dynamic Rey had with Poe and Finn. She spent a lot of time with Poe working on the X-Wing so they'd become close. Rose was usually busy with keeping up all the rest of the Resistance's equipment as she was one of just a handful of survivors who knew their way around machines. Not to mention the incredibly awkward hero-worship-syndrome Rose seemed to exhibit towards her. At least that had become subdued, thank the stars, and Finn had explained that Rose was the same with him at first but it had worn off. Rey sighed to herself and knew she was being selfish. Finn deserved to have everything and so did Rose, so she typically let them be. Being greedy would get her nowhere but on the wrong path and she'd be damned if she allowed herself to turn out like Kylo Ren. So filled with bitter resentment that the only way left to her was the darkness because it was easier than being a better person.

However, she knew it wasn't that simple. At one point she had so adamantly thought it was, would be, and had been. In the beginning, before her first journey here. Landing on Ahch-to and colliding with Luke's personality had taught her more than she'd known at the time. Looking back on events since her departure from Jakku, she knew now that Luke was right. Perhaps not about everything, but about so much. When she'd arrived with her intransigent ideas of dark and light, truth and lies, and good and evil - he'd shocked her. The Jedi needed to end? Ben Solo was never, and had never been pure evil? Not until she'd really thought about her first meditation lesson with Luke and what he'd said to her had she understood. Many things he said she still thought were insane, but the harmony she'd felt had been real. The seamless way nature balanced all things around them. Some said nature was cruel and they were right, just as those were who said nature was wonderful and beautiful were right. Balance was what made it wonderful and she had to somehow find a way to translate that when it came to the Force.

Obviously, the Sith were wrong, she'd read about them during precious downtime at earlier Resistance bases, and the Jedi were not the deific entities many thought they were. Both felt wrong to her. To cut out all emotions was inhuman and made the Jedi, she felt, unable to sincerely be members of the society they lived in and touted they wanted to help. They weren't supposed to get attached when that was what almost every creature in the galaxy needed. How could they understand the needs of those they couldn't even empathize with? To let your emotions rule you was clearly foolish, but she understood why the Sith fed off their passion. Rey herself had felt her own passion give her the strength she needed in the past, it was as natural as breathing to her. But to let it rule you so completely to the point where you became a slave to it? Slavery was all evil, she knew intimately from both being an actual slave herself to watching others enslave themselves to things like substances or wealth. It made them nothing more than animals, driven by instinct to assuage primal need, and even animals behaved better than Sith. Excepting, perhaps, Rathtars.

When she considered the two philosophies honestly, the sharp twang of asymmetry was jarring. How could they have ever hoped to attain this oft sought 'balance' if they themselves refused to see reason? How could balance be achieved by just one person from one side of the Force? She knew Ben had light in him, felt it, and knew it tore him apart. Instead of making him strong it had cornered him during his youth and he'd vacillated wildly, ending up a puppet for Snoke. She felt an inexorable pull, a need, to fix it. When she'd felt the equality of the Force for the first time on the rock with Luke, it had blossomed within her and every time she meditated since she felt it again; when she felt the Force in its entirety, that need became stronger. Yet…

The way he'd lingered at his fallen master's throne and then begged her to join him, not thinking for one moment that he could have been the one to choose her - it triggered a wave of sorrow within her, then and now. Her hand went to her chest, feeling the ache bloom anew. Rey had no idea why it did, perhaps didn't want to know, but there was zero room to deny it. She'd told herself it was because she failed to bring him home, to Leia. To give her son back to her after Han had died, Rey felt, because of her. Trade one family member for another, came the self-deprecating thought. Kylo Ren had killed him, but Han wouldn't have been there if she'd not run off and gotten herself captured on Takodana like a bloody fool. Finn wouldn't have been injured, either.

Suddenly, Rey was angry. Remembering her first and best friend bleeding in the snow made a swirling sensation start in her belly. Seeing the red flash of a saber as it ignited and killed her other friend sent a pang through her stomach. Snoke ripping into her mind as Ben had sat there, emotionless. His gloved hand as he'd chosen himself over her help, compared to the bare hand he had extended before. The disparity of it. She fought a surge of nausea, breathing in carefully through her nose. This was silly, she told herself strictly. All she was doing was letting her brain get out of hand. Focusing, she tried to rein herself in. Rey closed her eyes and took a breath, struggling to calm herself but the rest of her body was not listening. Skin felt like it wanted to twitch but couldn't and the images filling her head seemed to only get stronger the harder she tried to push them away, to attain the blank mindscape she'd read about in the Jedi texts.

It wasn't working, the scenes only seemed to come faster. Ben's face as Han had spoken to him, begged his son to come home. That same face in the elevator as she felt his battle with himself. Had he wanted to throw her to Snoke all along?

 _"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to."_

Was that what he was doing? Is that what she was? Valiantly, Rey struggled to wrestle her thoughts under control but it was like trying to derail a train with a sheet of paper. Chewie's screams as Han fell away from the bridge. Everyone's screams. The way they shouldn't have been there, the way none of them should have ever been on Starkiller to start with. How it was because of her own foolishness. She was through the door of the hut before she realized she'd even stood up, tossing a mumbled line about forgetting something to Finn and Rose. Rey couldn't even look at him as she fled. Couldn't bear the guilt of not having been smart or strong enough.

Rain was still pouring down but caring was so far away from her now, feet unsteadily taking her anywhere else. She was dizzy with emotion and wanted to be sick. It was so painful, so overwhelming, she tried to catch her breath but it was fruitless while she was running and she couldn't stop herself. How could Leia do it, be part of all this, and stay sane? Her husband was gone forever. Her son was a wounded beast. Rey wanted to keenly to save him, was desperate to, that she felt like she would explode sometimes. She had failed, though, despite being so cocksure she could do it. That she'd be the one to tip the scales for him. Why wasn't she? How had he gotten this far gone? Was it Leia's fault? Han's? Snoke was the main culprit but how could he even have gotten to Ben? Further still, how had he done it without anyone noticing? Had they just not cared while a child was sucked into darkness? And Luke. Had Luke been as sarcastic and nonchalant with his own nephew as he'd been with her? What kind of teacher had he been all those years ago?

If he'd been the same as he'd been with her she could see it, how Ben's anger and hatred had been born. Luke's first instinct had been to kill his own blood, the son of his twin and best friend. How could that have been the first thing he thought of? Ben should have been precious to him but it seemed like everyone just wrote him off as trash. How could Luke have been such a monster? Someone was crying and she only vaguely noted it was her own voice. It was infuriating and she was running, fueled by anger at the Jedi and the Sith and parents who left their children to be preyed upon by monsters. Little Ben had been thrown away, pushed into slavery to the darkness, just as she had been to Plutt. Yes, all families were like that. Waiting in the shadows to hurt.

Ben had….no. Kylo Ren had been right. Kill the past and let it burn, everything that went with it. The families, the lies, the treachery of inaction. All she ever saw it bring was pain. The sheer weight of the suffering of it all suddenly landed on her and she gasped. She was tripping over something now, falling, and only after a moment did she attempt to pick herself up. Dark had settled onto Ahch-to and, coupled with the rain, made her nearly blind. No light supplemented her vision now; she wrapped her arms around herself and didn't bother getting off her knees. Her head was so full of careening thoughts it was painful and she found herself reaching out into the churning mass for something, anything, to stay the dizziness and the pressure.

Poe Dameron. His easy smile and innate ability to connect with people shone brightly for a precious moment before the thought shifted. Poe's parents had cared. Even though both were dead now, he still had been loved. Why did he get to have parents that cared? The one family in the galaxy that had given a damn about their son. What made him so special? Bitterness filled Rey's mind and she squeezed her eyes shut against the wave of anger that immediately followed it, so strong it made her brace herself against her knees with her hands to keep from collapsing. Leia, too. She'd had parents, albeit adopted ones, but they had cared about her. Raised her to be… Rey didn't know. Blind to her own family's needs while she dabbled in politics? Her own child? Some princess, indeed. More like a hypocrite who preached of light and justice when she'd turned a blind eye to the justice her own blood deserved. Luke was an attempted murderer, wasn't he? There had been no trial for that.

So many stories she'd heard of Leia's past and how amazing a politician she was but not one mentioned her family. Was that why? Was that how Snoke had been able to do it? She remembered the creature raping her mind again and whimpered as the anger within her was stoked into blinding rage. So strong she doubled over, feeling like she was being torn apart. Everything was wrong and she hated it so much she could barely contain it.

 _"Kill it if you have to."_

An enormous part of her shifted inside, a slick and wet sensation that made her stomach lurch, and his words resonated in her mind so loudly. Rey felt something, a pressure, build up in her chest and only vaguely realized she was screaming while she sobbed. Her skin felt like it was on fire and she rebelled against the urge to scratch at it to release the heat, twisting her fingers into her shirt instead. All she felt was rage. The Jedi and their hateful rejection of families and humanity. The Sith and their wanton disregard for life and justice. People who were the worst of both flaying others with their convoluted, hypocritical ideals and spiteful agendas. Every thought flew through her head along with intense visions of fire and drowning so quickly, she gave up trying to focus. Instantly she was overcome with hatred that overpowered to such a degree, all she could do was scream. It was only after what seemed like an eternity of hell that she felt it.

The silence and the stillness. Her screams dying in her throat only because there was something new to draw what little focus she had, she opened her eyes. Boots. Black ones. No… She closed her eyes again and tried desperately to will him to be gone. To disappear or combust into flames. She didn't want to be seen, not like this. So far away from any kind of control over herself. This was all his fault. He'd done this to her somehow, she knew it. She hated him.

"You," she croaked between tears and gritted teeth, "You did this...you did this."


	3. Syzygy 3 - Kylo Ren

Kylo was walking to his chambers after a strenuous session in his personal training room, sweaty and needing the refresher badly. The combat droids had given him just what he'd needed after a day of sedentary existence, though he'd need to get the mechanics in there again. These kind of days were becoming a monotonous habit. He would have to schedule regular training time if he wanted to stay in shape, and sane. During his workout, he'd opted out of the use of his lightsaber to go barehanded and it had been the right choice. His wrist was probably sprained and his knee would require a med-droid's attention but it had been decidedly worth it. His muscles burned deliciously, finally. The icing on this cake was that there would be no forms to fill out in a request to have First Order property repaired. For all intents and purposes, he _was_ the First Order.

After entering his rooms and stripping on the way to the shower, he turned the water to a high heat and stepped under. The water cut through whatever grime was on his skin and forced his muscles to relax so he wouldn't be aching overly much later. A few moments beneath the spray had him loose enough to get on with the business of giving himself a quick wash, as going to bed filthy was out of the question. A clean body lent itself to a clear mind, though not always, and he'd never been one to skimp on personal hygiene. His accommodations had improved upon succeeding Snoke and he was quite pleased with having more room to himself. Of course, his belongings were still on the spartan side but he preferred the elegant look of minimalism. An overabundance of things bred sentiment and that was something he both couldn't afford and didn't want. What furnishings he did own were sleek and detailed of design, and of the highest quality. Ostentation had never been a habit of his and he wasn't about to start now simply due to a title he didn't even use.

Using the towel wrapped about his shoulders to scrub at his hair, Kylo went to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of black basics and dark blue sleeping pants. He'd have preferred to pull both on one-handed so as not to interrupt the arduous task of attending his hair, but in the last attempt he'd ended up on the floor. Tailbones were not designed to interact with durasteel in such a way, if at all, so two hands it was. As he'd meandered to his desk to finish up the day's needs, one hand back to rubbing his hair dry with an end of the towel – the mass took forever to get dry - and mind on a glass of brandy, he heard it.

At first, the feeling was vague but it quickly coalesced into a sound. Someone was screaming. Kylo's head shot up at the sound, eyes automatically scanning the room, and it took a while of seeing nothing amiss before he realized what was going on. Reflexively he reached out with the Force, sharply and aggressively, pulling with all his might as he did every time he tried to compel the connection with her. Something was going on, he could sense it, but he could not enforce the connection and it rankled. There. He could feel a weight, or the idea of a weight, in the Force that seemed to be moving, shifting.

The background noise faded until there was complete silence and his surroundings took on an unnatural stillness. It had been too many weeks that he'd tried many times to pull this to himself but now, for no discernible reason, it came. He held his breath as the connection solidified, more than ready to air all of his grievances with her as he'd planned, then let it all out as the outline of her began to blur into being. Something wasn't right. He felt an oppressive shadow over their connection like a storm front waiting to hit.

In the same moment her form came into focus, it did hit and he dropped his center of gravity to combat the built up pressure of the Force roiling around her. She looked as if she'd been doused with buckets of water and he could just barely make out droplets pelting her. Rain, his mind helpfully supplied while he scrutinized her in search of any injury that might be causing her current state of duress. Where she was it was raining. Her mouth was open and he realized the screaming was coming from her. Unbidden, the image of her floating in the air making the same awful sound came into his mind but he forced it out. No. Snoke was dead by Kylo's own doing. This was something else. Focus.

Rey was crumpled into a ball on her knees with her arms wrapped tight around herself as if she'd fly apart if she didn't hold it together manually. No wonder, the Force enveloping her was something he'd never seen before. More accurately, the Force seemed to be attacking her, but that couldn't be right since it didn't work that way. That shadow he was feeling, the darkness, was coming from her. The screams stopped but the sobbing that wracked her frame did not: she was at the core of the maelstrom of Force and he watched her fight to calm down. Her eyes snapped open. Ah, so she'd noticed him.

She made a wounded sound and closed her eyes again, tight. "You…" her voice was broken and grating, as if pulled over hot coals, "You did this…you did this."

Kylo had been transfixed, standing there and staring after stepping away from the wall towards her. The sound of her voice pulled him out of it and he dropped into a crouch in front of her, slightly off to her left. What was going on? The cooling fluidity of her Force signature was nowhere to be found. She looked tortured and part of him, the part which intimately understood that, ached. Instead of cooling water, her signature felt like a striking hammer the second he'd reached out to sense it and he pulled back like he'd been bitten. He could feel the darkness, usually wrapped about him like a cloak, pulsing around her. A heartbeat wrapped in barbed wire, fast and irregular. Dangerous.

That damn _thing_ inside him surged to the fore of his mind and he sighed, closing his eyes briefly. It was happening to him again, the same way it had happened on Takodana - letting no one else touch her the entire time. On Starkiller - pulling his punches and trying to get her to come with him. On the Supremacy - killing his master and begging her to stay. Every time he sensed she was in danger, a throbbing pressure ebbed in his head, egging him to save and shield her. Preventing him from causing her true harm, always staying his hand at the last moment, spurring him into action he wasn't prepared for. Infuriating. It had gotten worse with each instance of seeing her and it had been one of the things which convinced him Snoke had never been the origin of their connection. Even as it roared in him, the twang of disunity with the darkness that filled him almost overwhelmed him but was drowned out by that pounding need to protect. Trying to fight it, he'd found, only made it stronger.

"Rey…."

"No!" she screamed and jerked away from him, breathing erratically.

Kylo froze, then took a moment to absorb what his eyes were seeing and process it properly. Half panting and half choking, her chest heaved and too bright eyes darted around frantically. That voice hadn't even sounded like Rey. She would hyperventilate like this. Instinct told him to push into her mind and calm her down forcefully, but logic countered that would only make things worse. Likely, he would be sucked into whatever was happening in her mind. Kylo had enough problems in that area already and if he were a mess as well, he'd be powerless. The light he'd always felt so strong in her was being scattered by unstable spikes of darkness, pulling back into cohesion only to scatter again. This was so wrong. The presence he perceived from her felt like a warping rather than its usual steadiness.

Against his better judgment, he fortified himself and slid his mind against hers - just testing. The pain that followed was like another hammer blow and he ripped himself away instinctively, but he'd seen enough. Her thoughts were dark, much too dark for the Rey he knew, and racing beyond what panic would do to a person. Walls of fire, struggling in deep water, and raised sabers – both red and green. What had happened? He had to stop this.

"You're going to hurt yourself. Calm your breathing. Control it."

The laugh that left her lips made his stomach turn; it was horrifyingly similar to Snoke's and he could scarcely bear it. Her small hands gripped her shirt so tight her fingers were white and shaking, short nails digging deeply into her flesh. Stars, how long had she been like this? Was she alone? Rage at her so-called friends for leaving her in this state wanted to beat down his control, but for once Kylo crashed against the rage with his own will and subdued it. He was all she had, now. Even had her contemptible friends been there, they would be powerless to help her. Only he could.

"Control. Hurt." The words were almost a whisper but scratchy and so unlike Rey, he winced. "You would know. Predator. Murderer," she muttered, then a whimper moments later. "Victim…just a boy..." she trailed off softly.

Kylo had nothing to say to the odd words and they seemed to turn back on themselves, so he remained silent. Instead, he focused on the Force around her and felt it become more turbulent. He watched as her slight frame twitched hard, a spasm bowing her back and wringing a gasp from her lips as she lurched forward. Pale hands shot out to steady her, petty preferences be damned, and she shrieked as if burnt by his skin. Immediately, he felt the tempest slam into him and his legs buckled, sending him hard to his knees. He sucked in a breath as he tried to fend off the tumult of dreadful images that wanted to flood his mind, but he'd had endless practice under his late master. Torment done to him in the name of training had honed his mental barriers, so when he shot them up, they held rock steady.

Once again with his wits about him, Kylo firmed his grip on her upper arms. Somehow he had to fix what was happening: clearly, she was in over her head though what had driven her to this point he couldn't fathom. Had there been some horrible accident? Had the Resistance abandoned her? Like the couple in his vision, her parents? No. That woman, the general, would keep Rey as close as possible to be used to the best advantage. The mere thought of it enraged him and he forced it down as well. A need to pull Rey close to him and steady her with his own arms rose up in him, surprisingly strong, but he ignored it. She'd only fight him and her body couldn't deal with that stress on top of the Force harrying her. As it was, he felt her muscles taut and straining as if pulling against a restraint.

"Don't touch me!" she spat at him viciously, though she thankfully only struggled for a moment. Then her body went slack as if the restraint were precipitously cut and in a gasping voice full of sorrow, "You're just like them. Just like them." She panted softly. Her breathing wasn't improving and neither was the cyclone of Force.

"Focus, Rey. Look at..." he began but stopped because she'd started mumbling to herself. Or to him? He hoped it was to him otherwise, there was a bigger problem. Was she hallucinating? Had she contracted something? Her body didn't feel hot but that could be the rain, icy and now coming down on him as well. Perhaps because they were touching? Kylo chided himself, his curiosity was irrelevant right now. He had to get her to focus on something, to fasten onto some kind of anchor and quickly. In his studies, he'd read of Force-sensitives who went insane from situations similar to this and nervousness welled up in him.

Right now he needed to take care of her body if there was next to nothing he could do for her mind. Searchingly, he tried to recall all the myriad of medical texts he'd devoured as a diversion during his early teens. Thus far he'd seen no sign of wound or indication of acute illness, such as poison, and that gave him at least a modicum of comfort. While a little rain wasn't really an issue, he had no idea how long she'd been in this freezing downpour and her desert physiology was not used to that environment. He couldn't have her go into shock, or worse, a coma. Thoughts of her body wasting away in a medical bay on life support while her mind was already gone, due to whatever was going on now, spurred him into action.

With a swift movement, she was up in his arms, form still limp as her mouth moved in barely audible mutterings and her eyelids fluttered. He didn't dare use the Force on her, even to simply levitate her body. Kylo reached his bathroom in short order, recalling the spray of water on his face through their bond previously. He turned the shower to warm using the Force, not letting himself linger on how the situation was both similar and dissimilar to Takodana. Too hot could damage her precious skin, he had to keep it just a bit above body temperature so she could acclimate properly. Regardless of their state of dress, he stepped into the spray paying mind the water didn't catch her in the face. Rey gasped when the warm water hit, indicating that she could feel it as he'd hoped, and her eyes snapped open though they gazed up at nothing. Kneeling, he set her down in the large shower stall with her back supported by his arm, gratified that his hypothesis had been correct, and she moaned. The Force whirling around her had remained the same but at least her temperature wouldn't suffer unduly this way, as long as he kept skin contact. Kylo wasn't keen on that, not wanting a repeat of the confusing emotions from when they'd first touched through the bond, but he would not allow her to suffer needlessly and stayed put.

"They're the same. Aren't they?" she mused airily, almost as if talking to herself. Maybe she was, her voice small between the sporadic breaths that were starting to speed up again along with her speech, "Liars. Inhuman. Monsters. Burning…" she gasped out the last word in a high pitch then let out a short, scornful laugh, "That's why you're the way you are. The embodiment of their lies. Their failure."

"Whose lies?" Everything happening right now was frustrating. Seeing her so astonishingly vulnerable had him on edge, unsure what to do or how to mend it. Kylo desperately wanted to pull her closer, so visibly was she trembling, but he resisted. It was foolish and unnecessary. He needed to get her attention on something corporeal so he gave her a small squeeze, "Rey, focus. Look at me. Focus on my voice. On me. I know it hurts, but try."

Keeping his voice deep and steady seemed to lure her away from wherever she was, and she straightened up where he'd positioned her; sitting with knees slightly bent. Thankfully, her breath started coming a little more evenly and she placed her hand on the arm he'd rested against his thigh, looking up at his face while trying to ease her lungs. Such attention unnerved him but he held her gaze to bring her back to reality, though closer examination of her opened eyes had him noting random details. Rey's usually hazel irises had become an eerie gold and her pupils were unmistakably oval rather than round. A framing of wet lashes made the almond-shaped eyes seem even bigger, adding to the odd effect, but he was glad to see the strange pupils contract as she focused on him. Ever so slightly, the surrounding squall eased in its intensity and he was filled with relief. Then her countenance changed. Suddenly Rey was looking at him like he was the ghost of someone she knew and loved and something twisted within him. Abruptly, her face went blank and she stared forward vacantly.

"I was wrong," came the whisper. Then another word murmured too low for him to hear properly. It sounded like his birth name, but he didn't want to acknowledge that so he didn't.

"What is? What were you wrong about?" All he could do at this point was try to keep talking and give her something to gain leverage over this dominating Force, to latch onto. Red rimmed eyelids told him she'd been crying for a while. How long had she been left so distraught on her own? The darkness threading through her was still pulsing sickly, like a poisoned vein, but slower now. Softer at least, and he didn't know if that was worse or better. Every handful of seconds had her body jerking in his arms as if away from something, causing the hand on his other arm to spasm. Was she turning? No sense of pleasure or excitement came with that thought, he observed.

True, he passionately desired such a change of heart but…if this was what it would do to her, he was unsure. Did he want that? This broken, almost doll-like, version of Rey? There was no way he could proclaim her sound of mind when she appeared more like she was losing it; her words made little sense and half of them were contradictions of the same line of thought. Kylo let himself find her Force signature again, carefully. In Rey it felt disgusting, perverse, and he drew back hastily. No. Not like this, he wanted nothing to do with that. This was awful, she barely felt like the Rey he'd been willing and ready to die for in that throne room. Resolve solidified in his chest: He would make this better. Make her better, then figure out what to do from there. If his vision were to come true, it would be that way and no other. Rey had been whole when she stood beside him, not tortured and fractured.

"My parents sold me into slavery." There was no heat or sadness in her tone, just flat emptiness and he hated it coming from her, "Leia abandoned you. Han never stayed. Luke tried to murder you. I said it was you. Thought it was you. All along."

Part of him wanted to be angry that she dared bring those people up to him, but curiosity got the better of him so he nodded for her to continue. Also, it would not help him help her. What was she getting at? She was still crying, not even the rain and shower could hide the overflowing in her eyes. At least she was talking to him and had allowed his body to touch hers this whole time. Perhaps she wasn't even aware? He already knew she thought he was a monster, that wasn't a surprise in the least. Neither was Kylo surprised that the Resistance general and Skywalker would paint a picture of him that was completely different from reality. Truth always surfaced in the end.

"But that's too easy." The hollowness of her voice hadn't faded and she continued, eyes staring upward, "It wasn't you. It was them. Family."

The last word was laced with such venom, Kylo felt his brow furrow in both concern and confusion. He wasn't sure if he should stop her or let her continue. If he stopped her now, whatever the darkness had been able to grab hold of and gain the upper hand with would fester inside of her. So, he said nothing and remained as still as humanly possible.

"Family is a lie. It's only people who have the best opportunity to hurt you." Her eyes closed against the obvious struggle to get the words out without choking on them. "That's the truth I've been running from. It never mattered how it begins because it all ends the same. You already knew."

What she was saying was true, granted, but the fact that she was the one saying it made it feel wrong. This girl who yearned beyond all reasoning for a family she didn't remember to come back and save her from the lonely desert. Kylo did know, and well. No one came back. No one saved you. No one was there for you except yourself. Rey had seen the truth of that in whatever cave she'd gone into the night Skywalker had driven her away, the night they'd really connected. Pleading for her parents and being shown the truth, there was only herself. A part of him wanted to gloat over being right, but the same woman who'd fearlessly and viciously attacked Snoke head on becoming the empty one before him left him with zero inclination to do so.

She glanced at him with those golden eyes, "You did something to me," she said. Both of her hands now grasped his wrist, "Through the bond. I know you did. I hate it." She let her eyes close for a long moment before opening them again, "Sometimes I hate you. But it feels like hating myself, except worse. Like the cave..." The last ended in a whisper he could barely make out.

"I haven't, Rey. I don't have control over it. I can't reach you unless it's like this, I swear it." Painstakingly, he kept his voice gentle as he could manage and cautiously slid his hands up to rest atop her shoulders. The muscles under his hands were strong despite her small frame and he was glad of that, of her strength. She looked down at her legs, her hands loosening their grip. Her hair was stuck to her skin, which was still pale from the cold but improving slowly, making the patterns of freckles around her hairline stand out more.

"But I'm so angry." Anguish filled her voice until it poured over the edges. Somehow he felt the emotion within himself and it troubled him, then her eyes squeezed shut and her breath shuddered, "I'm so angry and it hurts _so much!_ "

He pulled his head back a little as she yelled the last part, "At what? Who? Just feel it, Rey. Let it happen and let it pass."

Suddenly she was on her feet, the quickness of it breaking his hold of her, and he rose as well. There wasn't a lot of room in the shower stall but he had chosen quarters that contained the largest one he could find. He was tall and did not like feeling confined, even while bathing. As long as she didn't start walking or running, it would contain the both of them even if she would only feel it's warming effects if they had physical contact. Kylo consciously kept his hands ready to intervene again if she needed it. Over his dead body would he allow anything to happen to her while he was there to prevent it. The thought wasn't pleasant and he still didn't understand where this ludicrous protectiveness was coming from since she'd left him for dead on the Supremacy.

"At you!" Rey erupted fiercely, interrupting his thoughts, "At Luke! Leia! Han! Poe! Families! Sith! Jedi! I hate it! Everything!" Every word was punctuated by a violent motion of her hands before she stood still and leaned her head back, letting the rain fall on her face, "Myself." Another sob pulled itself from her throat.

"Why? Why at yourself?" he questioned, his voice at a timbre that wouldn't startle her. Kylo didn't recall her doing anything she should hate herself over. Except, of course, trying to kill him when he'd offered the galaxy to her on a silver platter. That had been pretty awful of her. But she certainly hadn't seemed to mind when slamming the door of that bloody hated ship in his face, making the glorious vision of them side by side fade away. She'd seemed fine with all that at the time.

Now, though, her hands came up to cover her face and she wept again. His shoulders sagged and he absently noted the towel around his neck was soaking wet as he stood in his running shower that she could not feel anymore. Was this not working? Was he not making it any better? Stars, was he making it worse? But he didn't know what to do! Frustration simmered up and he ran his hands roughly through his hair, all his prior drying for naught as it was sopping again. That line of thought needed to stop. He needed to focus. Failing here would do something to him - he didn't know what, but he could feel it would be deep and lasting and bad. No. He would not fail. There was no more room for it.

Kylo gingerly felt around her with his mind and was pleased to find the Force storm was, again, slightly lessened. The darkness that had been undulating violently around her was still there in spades, poignant and thrashing, but marginally abated. Good. Satisfaction blossomed in his chest at the proof of what he'd already known. They belonged together as a team and he would do this, would learn Rey of Jakku like he'd learned mathematics, chemistry, and everything else he knew. Until he knew it all. Skin contact needed to be reestablished but initiating it yet again was, honestly, embarrassing. He'd never touched another person without full body armor and gloves on in handfuls of years. Bracing himself, he stepped forward until he was so close to her side he could almost feel the coldness of her body. An opportunity would come up and he would make himself take it.

"I'm weak. Stupid." The words bubbled out of her more like sobs she'd been trying to hold back, "I don't know anything… I can't do anything that matters. I couldn't…." Her body tottered and he put his arm back around her shoulders but she leveled herself on her own anyway, voice coming shakily through the hands still over her face, "It was my fault. Han. Finn…My Finn…all my fault. So weak." she trailed off, her voice tiny and hitching.

Her mention of Solo and the traitor stabbed him like a spear but he didn't move except to tighten his arm around her slightly. Kylo's mind was barely eased when he felt the warm water hit her skin again. _Her_ Finn, she'd said. Were they…? No. Not right now. He would dwell on it later, if at all. He would also kill FN-2187 as soon as physically possible. If not before. That she wasn't rejecting his touch was enough right now.

"Both of those things were my doing." he tried, so delicately because it was both a difficult thing to say and he wanted her to stay under the shower.

She shook her head and pulled her hands from her face, staring up at him beseechingly with curled fingers, "I failed. I couldn't save you…."

"I do not _need_ saving!"

Rey's body flinched and he instantly regretted snapping at her but he'd reached his limit. She needed to understand this, he needed her to understand. Otherwise, this thing between them would mutate into something he didn't want. Some rescue mission for her. They'd only be driven further apart that way, the opposite of what he'd seen. Kylo turned her to face him and stared down into her distressed face.

"I am not in a situation I need saving from. This is _my_ choice, Rey. My doing. I worked for this!"

The mournful cries that came from her then sent a spike of something he couldn't name shooting from his chest to his belly. A sensation similar to being punched in the stomach, hard. His arms dropped to his sides at the unpleasantness, brain stuttering to a halt. Why? Why was she being like this? He needed to know because none of this could he rationalize in his head. Rey was not supposed to be like this, it wasn't normal. She was so…emotional. Painfully raw and open as he'd never seen before. Of course, she had emotions and he'd seen her show them many times, but now her turmoil seemed discordant. She was being overpowered by emotion and while he yearned to see her eyes smolder with feeling, thus proving she could not be Jedi, this was not what he had in mind at all.

"Oh, _Ben!_ " she cried, arms wrapping around herself again and eyes shut in pain, "You're so broken. You were...stars..."

He felt numb. He usually did when she said his birth name, but this felt...other. Somehow. Kylo could only stare at her for a moment, then he noticed the connection getting weaker. She reached out to him and his body instantly responded despite his earlier irritation and hesitance. She took one of his hands in hers, the other coming up to ghost over his face - both sensations dulled by the waning connection. The first time she'd ever touched his face and he felt his body jerk, a gasp coming from his mouth without permission. Damn him.

"Don't you see?" her voice was desperate and quiet and broken as if she were telling him the secret of the universe with her dying breath, "You were lied to…Ben…."

It faded out as she opened her mouth to say more, but it was lost. She was gone. That name on her trembling lips was the last thing he heard and large, golden eyes filled with something he couldn't possibly name the last thing he saw. He jerked the water off and tossed the sopping towel on the floor of the shower before exiting the refresher altogether, a hand raking through his dripping hair. He hated her heartsick voice saying that name, hated the look she'd given him. Hated the way she'd looked when she said it. The shaking and the paleness, as if she were dying of some disease. As if she'd disappear. As if she'd desert him all over again. And she had. Now she was all alone dealing with whatever it was. The darkness. It had felt like darkness was clawing at her and though it had been reduced by the end, there was no telling what would happen now. Now that he wasn't there. She needed him!

And here, the Force had ripped her from him again. Borne her away and he was left feeling like a prisoner in his own room. His skin felt like it was twitching and he shook himself, droplets flying. What was he to do now? He'd been blatantly shown that she was in dire need and even with all his resources at his disposal, he was unable to come up with where she was. If he could just find her…. Just go _retrieve_ her…. Rage imbued him like it was being poured and he didn't bother stopping the furious roar that came from his throat. In an instant, his saber was in his hand, and his thoughts became background noise.

What felt like mere moments later had him staring at his main room, now a mess. Pieces of his desk, datapads, and the chair were scattered across the floor with bits of metal. His chest was heaving as he stood in the middle of the space, looking at the destruction. Keenly, he considered it not enough. A paltry display of what he was actually feeling, the depth of his wrath and exasperation. Why had he not found them? Kylo's thoughts raced as he caught his breath, for anything he might have overlooked in the Order's search for the escapees from Crait. After a while, he came up empty.

Blinking, he found himself in front of a door before he realized he'd moved. His saber was powered down, and he opened the door, somehow knowing where he was. It slid open and he strode in, falling into a meditative pose while dripping water on the cool floor before his grandfather's helmet. The only thing from his ancestor he owned. The only thing he'd been allowed. In a way, it was almost poetic: Rey had a piece of his lineage, something that belonged rightfully to him. When she'd betrayed him, the weapon had been snapped in two – again poetic. But the ancient lightsaber had seen much and it would not end so easily, he was sure to see it again. Now, Kylo reached out into the Force searching for guidance. For a direction. For his grandfather. For something he had not encountered in a long time now, since before this whole mess with Rey began.

Easily an hour had passed and when still nothing had come to him, Kylo sighed and stood. His legs ached, as they inevitably did when he sat that way, and he was disappointed. At least he felt calmer. Drier. The raging inside him of two storms was ever present but of late he had learned, with difficulty, to find the narrow path between the two fronts. He could do it much easier now with Snoke not leering at his every move. Snoke had demanded he keep his mind constantly open to his master, who had refused to create a Force bond between them. That sickly, slithering presence had vanished with the Supreme Leader himself and Kylo was free to do as he saw fit. He would not cater to whims of old men any longer. With this newly found measure of control, even if it required a great deal of his focus to sustain it, he could attain a tenuous hold on stability. On control and clarity. Perhaps that had been why Snoke had been so vociferously opposed to the practice.

Rey had looked so delicate and breakable that Kylo hadn't even thought to assert his opinions of her betrayal as he'd planned. When the moment had come, with such a bizarre situation than he'd expected, all the ideas of what to say and ask had dissipated. Next time he would have answers. He would make his ire known and she would have to deal with it. After he compelled her to explain what in the galaxy had happened to render her so...distraught. So volatile.

Be that as it may, Kylo was exhausted and his chest was cold so he turned and stripped on the way back to the bathroom. After running another towel over his body until it was properly dry and gathering another set of clothes, he went and pulled a shirt on. Though his grandfather hadn't come, again, he'd managed to reattain a measure of relaxation. He pulled fingers through his hair and tossed his second damp towel at the mess he'd made on his way to his bedroom. The droids would take care of it tomorrow after he left. They knew not to come in while he slept now.


	4. Syzygy 4 - Rey

"I do not need saving!" he snapped, voice harsh and dominating.

The words struck like he'd hit her with his bare hands, leaving her shocked and breathless. No, he had to be wrong. He couldn't possibly feel that way after everything. Everything that had happened over their connection, on the Supremacy. He'd seen the truth, hadn't he? That what he was doing was wrong? It had just been…a kind of habit, choosing what he'd chosen over freedom. Over her. Ben had to mean something else but, stars, how the words stung and stung. Tumultuous thoughts were interrupted by his hands repositioning her body, warm hands that she didn't want to focus on, so she looked at him instead. His earnest and determined face.

"I am not in a situation I need saving from." But the sound matched his face and she didn't understand because this could not conceivably be what he really believed, "This is my choice, Rey. My doing. I worked for this!"

Unable to repress the terrible and profound sorrow a moment longer, Rey broke down. She was losing him all over again and it occurred to her that she'd never had him, but it only made the breaking turn into a shattering. Suddenly she was in a million pieces and barely noted the cool absence of his skin against hers. It didn't matter. Did anything matter? The feeling of raw and tremendous need to fix him reared its head and began gnawing at her, causing her heart to race. She cried out his name, hugging herself tightly against the sharp ache.

"You're so broken," she murmured, and oh, was he ever. So much that she felt the pain of it inside herself, "You were… stars..."

The words faded away, Rey's brain not able to wrap words around the thoughts she wanted to express. She wanted to tell him. Everything. That she knew what loneliness felt like. That all his life he'd been fed falsehoods. Falsehoods that had catapulted him on a path of blood and fire. That he wasn't doomed to stay on that path, he could have peace. That he wasn't the only one to have a battle raging in him, that she understood.

Stars, that she _wanted_ to understand, and desperately so. Needed to know him because somehow it was as though if she knew and understood him she would know and understand herself. The draw, the pull, she felt towards him was nothing she could ever hope to fight but she didn't know why it was there. It frightened her. But more frightening was the idea that she would be severed from him. Merely the thought of it had her automatically reaching for him, as uncontrollable as her earlier fury towards him had been.

As her hand touched his face, the gnawing lessened and something inside her quieted. Amongst the cacophony of feelings and unbridled thoughts, it was just enough for her to concentrate. If he didn't know already, she had to at least grant him this. The knowledge that someone else recognized the truth.

"Don't you see?" she knew that her words dripped with yearning and it would be mortifying if this weren't so incredibly _important_ , "You were lied to..."

Suddenly she observed the connection wavering, and she panicked. No. She needed more time with him! She never had enough time with anyone!

"Ben..."

It was too late. He disappeared and Rey wanted to scream all over again. Her misery began anew and she made no effort to stop any tears until they halted on their own. Finally, she'd had him listening to her, really listening even though she wasn't saying what she'd wanted to. That he'd betrayed her, led her into a trap and offered her up to his disgusting master on a silver platter. Whipping him with her words after he'd thrust himself into her confidence by being present when she had been vulnerable, after her cave experience. Never had she allowed anyone that grace and he'd trampled it. But now, she barely wanted that anymore. All she wanted was to spirit him far from the darkness so he wouldn't suffer or cause suffering – and he'd slapped her hand away. His choice, he'd said.

Ben had said it was his own choice. No… Kylo Ren had said that. He wasn't the man of soft understanding who'd listened to her in the hut. Who'd taken his glove off to touch her hand with his flesh and blood. Who'd told her she wasn't alone. Rey wasn't even sure anymore who that man was, if he'd ever been authentic. Perhaps nothing more than a fabrication. Another mask. No. He was Kylo Ren. She had to think of him as Kylo Ren. Thinking of him as Ben would only have her thinking of the man in the hut. The man who had saved her and fought at her side like such a perfect _fit_. She couldn't do that to herself, stars knew she wasn't strong enough to bear it. As it was, now she couldn't manage the feeling of betrayal she felt so keenly before if she tried.

Nothing, not even the anger that had filled her such to bursting earlier, was left. She felt so empty, so lonely, even as her hands still felt warm from where they'd been on his skin. Rey chose not to think about that just as she strove to forget reaching towards him at the last as if she actually wanted to touch him. As if she'd wanted him to touch her. As if it felt… not the way it made sense for it to feel. His pale skin against hers, slightly tanned in the desert, should have felt wrong and terrible. But she had touched him, on purpose. Remembering made her angry at herself for her weakness. Everywhere she looked it seemed there was more of it, evidence that she wasn't good enough and never would be.

He was a beast - there was no getting past or around that - but a broken beast. The kind she'd seen in traveling shows - that roared and seemed vicious but then you'd see their owner shock them with their sticks and suddenly the beast wasn't a beast. It became a victim. Just a terrified animal defending itself the best it knew how. In a way, Rey thought, everyone was like that. She scrubbed her hands against the soaked fabric of her pants. That was silly, she was just being soft because he'd seen her in such a compromising situation. Kylo Ren was not her friend. Neither was he anything more. He could not be. They were at opposite ends of a war, for galaxy's sake. Plus, he had hurt Finn and killed the only being in the universe who had offered her a real place in it. He was decidedly awful and she didn't want to think about him anymore.

Rey shook her head and, for what seemed like the first time, took in her surroundings. The first temple crouched a handful of yards before her and she was barely even surprised at that. Alternatively, she felt a dire urge to go and be inside, so she stumbled to it as fast as her shaking body would allow. Inside, she found a place the rain hadn't touched and flopped down, trying to regulate her breathing. She'd made a mess, hadn't she? A magnificent spectacle and in front of him, no less. Because of course, her life hadn't been complete until she'd presented herself like a fool to...whatever he was to her. She had no idea, honestly. Sometimes she began knowing but it felt…uncomfortable so she actively chose to not know. During their connection this time just now, though, he had been…different than she'd seen him before. Except once, here. In the hut.

Shaking herself, she pulled her mind from that line of thought. A foolish line of thought. Nothing she could afford to dwell on, certainly. Her body ached as if she'd run for miles and tingled with a million needle pricks. But why? She rubbed her arms with her hands to try to persuade blood to flow there. Now that it had passed she found herself wanting to analyze what had happened. It had felt surreal, like it wasn't really happening to her, but to someone she was watching. That had been unpleasant. At first, the rage at everything had overtaken her but not like anything she'd ever encountered. Rey was not a stranger to getting angry, especially not on Jakku, but this had been different. The feeling had come at her like the mountainous waves she'd seen on Ahch-to, overpowering her and sweeping her away completely. She had drowned in them and that had filled her with stark panic. Even now her skin felt like electricity was skittering along her nerves every so often, her muscles giving a jerk. Mostly she disregarded them, the nuisance they were, and focused on what had happened.

At a particular point, perhaps before the connection occurred, it had grown beyond what her body felt like it could handle. A pressure near to bursting took over, the Force seeming to rip through her skin from the inside. Searing, itching, and painful. So painful she flinched at the memory of it. After that, she had been a nebulous mass of nerve endings and too-sharp emotions. That loss of control had been terrifying. Even worse was that she knew, in the moment, she'd been capable of the very things she opposed. Her fury at him had been so great that, if she hadn't been incapacitated by wrenching sobs, she would have tried to assassinate him. She knew it would have come to that. It had slithered across her mind when the connection first established and it sickened her now.

On Starkiller, in the white forest, even as she'd fought him with intent to win she didn't think she had meant to execute him. Had she? Her gut assured her that, yes, she had. But her mind rebelled against that idea. That couldn't be true because wouldn't that make her no different from him? Sure, Rey believed in her cause and that it was just and correct, but so did Ben - No, Kylo Ren. How different were they, really? How similar? Later, she would save that for a later meditation. A good topic, but not for now. She wanted to continue exploring what had happened, despite the discomfort of doing so.

After being steeped in anger and hatred and the chilling desire to just destroy, the rage had swept from her like air from an airlock and she'd been left utterly hollow. Like a reptile's old skin, translucent and empty and a ghost of what used to be there. Fortunately, that harrowing feeling hadn't lasted long and she'd been tossed into something different. Sadness, but not the ordinary sadness she felt when things got rough. She'd been there before and knew she could come out the other side equitably fine. This was something else altogether. This had been the same as when she'd first gone against Luke's admonition and investigated the hole in the base of the island, then fallen through. When her body had hit the water and was being pulled down by gravity. Only at the cave she had come up and been able to breathe, while just now she'd kept sinking into it. Slowly and quietly, descending into despondency. All hope of ever reaching the surface, of seeing light again, or even remembering anything else, had faded. Recalling made her shiver and she increased her rubbing, the friction helping.

And she knew, now, what it had been. As the tiled mosaic on the floor she'd been absently staring at, of the person caught between light and dark, came into focus she knew exactly that feeling. Darkness. The same she'd felt in the cave. Sometimes wild, frantic, and violent, but sometimes - deceptively - not. Sometimes so subtle it could feel…almost normal. An effervescent idea scampering across the senses, like a bird casting a shadow as it flew over the landscape. So fleeting but so…. And hauntingly, just as Luke had been aghast at her for doing, she'd let it happen. Hadn't she?

Rey knew from the reaction of others that she was strong in the Force, or, as she thought it really was, the Force was strong in her. It should have been second nature to fight against the earlier cyclone of shadows and darkness. She could have won, she felt. Was this the problem? Had she just, subconsciously, not wanted to? At first, her thoughts had escalated naturally and therein was the issue. It had happened naturally. The source, the seed, was within her and it had blossomed like any plant would when provided the right conditions. Those conditions had been present in her, just now. Another shiver and this time it was not about the cold, though she nevertheless was. The realization made her want to cry again but she suppressed that; she'd cried enough for today. Body disobedient, she felt the wetness trail down her cheeks while humiliation and shame unfurled in her chest. Is this why?

Had Luke sensed this? Had he been right about her? How disappointing it must have been for him. She needed to quit it. Rey brought her hands up to give her cheeks a not so gentle slap. She needed to stop wallowing. This island. Maybe Poe had been right. The shame brightened as she remembered her most recent thoughts toward him: Cruel and crooked, but she pushed that out of her head and turned attention to what the pilot had asserted. Everything about the Force was so much stronger here, as if amplified. It only made sense that any inkling of darkness inside her would be brought out. That freakish cave at the base didn't exactly help, she was confident. And…didn't that make sense, too? There was definite and undeniable darkness here. Perhaps native and perhaps not, but here in this spot, nonetheless. The same island as the temple. Was that why the Jedi… No, not the Jedi, she thought. They came later, had to have, for she had never read or heard of anything like a presence of both sides of the Force in one location before pertaining to Jedi. It had been someone else. The Originators. They had erected the first temple here. Was that cave of darkness why? Had they intended to balance it out? Had someone gone too far in that balancing attempt – giving rise to the stringency of the Jedi?

Suddenly she was scrambling toward the mosaic, stopping just far away enough not to get pelted by rain again. The person in the middle was split in two, light clashing with dark. However, she noticed an acute lack of anything denoting the type of struggle she'd just gone through. Something so powerful it affected her physical body directly. A process that Ben – Kylo Ren, was going through still. Although the person tiled into the ground was in the center of two opposing forces, they appeared calm. So much so that they were seated in a meditative position. They were at peace. Her brain circled this thought as she crawled back to the driest part of the chamber. At peace. Not out of control as she had just been, wild and overwhelmed. Not torn to shreds like Ben - she had to start thinking of him as Kylo Ren and that was hard.

Wiggling onto her side and curling up, she closed her eyes and reached out with the Force. Timidly, she didn't want a repeat of what had just happened despite not having actually reached out to the Force before this little episode. Telltale ripples against her mind were felt and she pulled carefully, willing herself to be tugged into a state of meditation. In spite of her current position, for it was decidedly not a meditative form, the caressing of the Force came to her. Soothing her and sending warmth spreading through her body. Everything relaxed and Rey wanted to laugh with the joy of the sensation, this was so much better. Reaching further was simple after a few moments and she focused on sensing the balance again as Luke had taught. A few minutes more, in which she would swear the light was healing her of her recent bout with darkness, and she felt it.

Perfection was the word she would use to characterize it. A feeling that everything was just so. Just right, profoundly correct, and good. Rey only reached out as far as the planet itself, as Luke had warned not to stray into the Force too far, lest she lose herself in it due to her inexperience. Still, it was enough. This was what the Force was supposed to feel like. She knew it, felt it – was it, at least while communing with it like this. Before meeting Luke, she had gone to Leia for any scrap of guidance she could get. The woman had assisted her in a rough form of meditation so Rey could at least manage to keep herself together, as everything had been so insuperable at first. She'd been able to meditate, but reaching out for the light side of the Force had been difficult and Rey had never fully managed it. It had been like reaching into a bundle of wires searching for just one when they were all the same color. The few times she felt as if she'd managed, it was odd. Too glaring for her, the edges of the sensations too smooth to keep hold of. Akin to the times she'd stared too long at Jakku's blazing and unforgiving sun. Not a pleasurable experience. Yet the dark side of the Force, when she had encountered it, was jagged and so deep with shadow it felt like it was sucking you in without end. Trying to hold on and steady yourself would only get you cut.

But this feeling, this glorious feeling of equilibrium when she meditated, was neither. And both. How anyone could ever choose anything other than this perfect blend was ludicrous to her. Luke had been right about that, at least. Her mind was so clear when she meditated like this. Not empty like the light or jarringly overfull like the dark, but clean and easy to focus. She felt her love for her friends just as she felt irritation at their obnoxious traits. It didn't bother her at all to feel both at once, it was intrinsically natural. She opened her eyes and gazed at the ceiling of the temple. It was unadorned, plain rock and she felt that was how it was meant to be. She'd heard stories of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and how ornate and fantastical it was and it had struck a chord of inaptness in her. Such a place couldn't possibly be for her. This is what felt right. Settling in on that thought, she closed her eyes again and let herself tune in to just how exhausted she was now. Very. Still retaining a hold on her meditative state, she let herself fall asleep to the relaxing feel of it in her mind.

-o0o-

Finn was not freaking out, he was just concerned. And running. All over the island. Because when he'd awoke this morning to find Rey's bedroll still empty, he had been a little… worried. He had not flipped out, like Rose and Kaydel were suggesting. That was an over-exaggeration. While he and Poe were rapidly discussing where, how, and with whom she could have gone - out of sincere concern for their good friend - the two women had rolled their eyes and given each other a look. Whatever. They could look at each other all they wanted, he and Poe would find Rey. And Beebs. Or BB-8, as Poe constantly corrected. But the droid liked the nickname and so did Rey. So it stayed.

The pilot said he'd search one side and Finn would search the other, meeting each other back at the hut. While he started up some stone steps after searching his side of the huts and buildings, he tried not to be worried. True, she was a Jedi or something and had Force powers. Also true, she was a formidable lady without all that extra stuff so she should be fine. She was a shoot first and ask later type, and he really appreciated that about her. It meant she'd keep herself safe. Running off to save the monster Kylo Ren notwithstanding. She obviously had lost her mind for a little while and that can happen sometimes. Luke had probably been freaking her out or something, or she got overwhelmed. He could understand that. It made sense.

Rey not coming back a few hours after running out into the pouring rain all of a sudden did not make sense. Still missing in the morning also did not make sense and the other two girls not caring had made even less sense. Was this a female thing? None of the female stormtroopers did this, though. Then again they were, after all, stormtroopers and therefore not allowed to do very much without permission. Still. This was not okay. Something had to be wrong. Right? Or maybe she'd gotten upset, run out, and then when the rain proved too much she had found another spot to shelter in. Maybe she was already at the X-Wing. Poe would find her if she was and it would be fine.

A lumpy kind of plateau waited at the top of the stairs and he didn't see Rey immediately so he started forward. There was a rock face with an opening in it so maybe she was there. There was nothing else up here and he thought it might be the temple thing Rey had told him about weeks ago but since no one came up here, he'd never had reason to himself. Rey went sometimes, to do whatever Force people did, but that was always her alone time so he never bothered her during it. Everything was wet and his boots weren't doing the best job of keeping traction on the slick grass, so he made a mental note to be careful. Falling on one's ass was never pleasant, nor did it look cool.

Coming up to the opening, he noticed what looked like a pool in the middle of a large room with an opening on the other side. Light shone in through the opening creating a beam that caught the water. It was nice. He went around the pool, which had some kind of image on the bottom, to the opening on the other side. It led to a rocky outcropping and no Rey. Finn sighed, frustrated, and smacked his fist against the stone wall. Where was she? Then he heard it.

"Hnngh…?"

His head snapped towards the direction of what was definitely one of Rey's sleep sounds - she had many - and let out a breath, "Rey!"

She was there in the corner and he was rushing over, searching for any kind of injury she might have. Scrapes, cuts, gouges, whatever might have kept her away against her will, but he found her unharmed, albeit pale. Often she made a pile of herself as she slept and now she was opening sleepy eyes and trying to untangle herself from herself as awareness crept in.

"Wha...Finn?"

Finn couldn't help it, he'd honestly been so worried and now she was safe, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight, "It's me, it's fine. Thank the stars. Are you okay?" he held her out in front of him to get a better look at her.

She looked...not so good. Her eyes were swollen, skin pale, hair a major mess, and dirt smeared in random places all over her. Had she fallen and been knocked unconscious? But then she'd have at least some sort of wounds. That wasn't it. There were no lumps or red swelling anywhere he could see around her head thus far and he wasn't about to start feeling around on her head like a crazy man. He kind of felt like a crazy man sometimes, usually because of Rey. Not that she was doing anything bad, she just always happened to be swept up in some silly and consistently unsafe situation. Rey was, by far, the weirdest girl he knew. But also the best, Rose not counting because he wasn't sure where the two of them were right now. Taking it slow was an understatement and totally his call. Finn focused on Rey as she rubbed her eyes and wiped the corner of her mouth - she didn't drool a lot when she slept but he could always catch her scrubbing her mouth every morning casting furtive glances around to see if anyone noticed. He pretended not to.

"I…" She began, looking around as if confused, "I'm fine. Really."

He was not entirely convinced, "Uhuh. If you were fine, we'd all be eating breakfast instead of me waking you up in this cave place with the skylight. So let's not jump the 'fine' gun just yet. Plus you look like you got in a fight with some rocks."

Even though she made a face, the scoff she made ended up becoming a sigh instead, "Yeah, alright. Point taken. Stars, I ache… ugh."

After getting himself back up, Finn pulled her to her feet and looked around while she stretched herself out. Likely she'd be feeling some pretty wicked cramps about now and he made a few faces of his own at the pops that came out of her joints. He did not envy that at all. In what he had thought was just a weird room turned into a cave, over what seemed to be centuries of disuse, there were signs that it had been somewhat important. Markings were carved into the walls, just below the ceiling, all around the room. There was a smacking sound behind him and he turned to see Rey patting random detritus off her pants. He chuckled at that a bit, because it was gonna take a little more than that to get those knee pants presentable again. There, in the stone she stood upon, were more markings. Looking around the room confirmed there were the same all over the floor. Lines and symbols all sort of directed towards the pool.

"Weird. Why is that pool in the middle?"

"You mean the mosaic?"

"No, the… what?" he started, gesturing towards the pool, then stopped.

"The water right there," she said, waving a hand towards the pool in question, "I don't think it's really supposed to be there. Maybe it is? Luke called it a mosaic, a lot of little pieces put together to-"

Finn looked over at her because she stopped so abruptly, but she was staring at the pond like it was about to bite her. Or the mosaic. Either way it had water in it and it was pretty much a pool at this point. When she still didn't say anything, he spoke up, "Rey? You okay?"

She blinked a few times, "Sorry. Yes."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, I just… Something clicked right then and then it slipped my mind before I could process what it was."

"It'll come to you again when you're not thinking. Was it about the pool? Mosaic. What is it?" he asked while walking closer to it and peering down. It looked like a person sitting with a stick. Maybe a lightsaber? The room was kind of making him feel odd, but not in a negative way. More like a curious way. He didn't quite understand but it didn't bother him so he shrugged it off as just being in a really old place.

"This is the first temple of the Force." she said, walking up to stand next to him looking down at the image as well. "I don't know who that's supposed to be, but they're both sides of the Force at once."

"This cave place? Really?" At her responding nod, Finn whistled, "Did not expect that. They say the one on Coruscant is seriously decked out. This seems a little...not like that at all. Wait, both sides at once?"

Another nod from her, and she pointed down with a finger, "See the person is split down the middle? Their white half against a dark background and their dark half against a white background."

Finn saw what she meant and it struck him, making him blink. "A perfect balance," he blurted. Then immediately felt silly because what could he possibly know about the Force that Rey didn't. But when he glanced at her, she was looking at him with a grin so big on her face he thought it might be hurting her cheeks.

"Finn," she said warmly, face practically glowing with happiness, "That's exactly what it is!"

It made him so glad to see her like this. Lately, she had been a little off and he hadn't been sure what to do about it. Finn knew he couldn't help her with the nightmares, only be there for her before and after them, but that was hard. Watching her lose sleep, and seeing the stress and anxiety get to her was hard, she was his best friend. Right now, though, after weeks of seeing her trodden down she was genuinely happy and he loved that.

"Well, it's kind of a self-explanatory picture, though. Doesn't take a hyperdrive scientist to figure that out."

Her face became a little more somber and she looked back down, "I think a lot of people couldn't figure it out. I think…" She sighed again and turned her back on the pool to sit on the side of it.

Finn followed suit, a little confused. Well, more than a little, "What? Come on, talk to me."

After a moment of biting her lip in hesitation, she seemed to come to a conclusion. "Just remember you asked," she said, then shot him a look, "and don't you dare think I'm crazy after, either. I'll hit you with my stick."

"I think we're both past thinking the other person is crazy at this point. Or mostly past. Just do it."

One last glance in his direction and he saw her take a breath. "I think the Force was never meant to be divided into two sides, Finn," she said in a small voice. "I think it was a horrible mistake."

"What do you mean? I mean…the dark side is obviously bad, right?" he tried to keep the worry out of his voice but likely was not doing a good job because her shoulders hunched a bit.

"Yes, I don't mean that. The Sith are awful monsters, no argument from me. My point is that," here she turned and swept her hand over the mosaic, "This. This is how it was supposed to be."

Finn thought about it and maybe he sort of understood, but he was going to need a little more. Rey was more in tune with all this stuff than he was, all he could do was listen and imagine. She jumped up and started walking around, as she often did when talking on something she was passionate about.

"The Sith are all about letting their emotional whims dictate everything, and that is bad. But, Finn," she stopped and looked at him where he sat, face alight with conviction, "The Jedi are the polar opposite. All those Jedi books tell you to cut off all emotion and every attachment. No friends. No love. Nothing. How is that good?"

Finn went cold. "Is that really what the books say? That's really the Jedi way?"

When her face fell and she nodded, Finn stood up and turned away. He needed to collect himself, his insides felt like they were churning. Suddenly he was nauseated and the room they were in didn't have enough oxygen so he strode out the nearest opening. It was the little cliff with the huge rock and the wind buffeting his face helped. He wasn't sure what to think right now and when he heard a sound behind him, he tensed before realizing it was Rey. Of course, there was no one else with them.

"Finn? What is it? What's wrong?"

Without knowing a better way to put it, he just said it, "Rey, that's being a Stormtrooper." Getting it out had helped a little, but he just needed her to understand what he meant, so he turned around, "Under the First Order."

In moments she had thrown her arms around him and was holding him tight. It made some of the cold go away and that was nice. It also reminded him of where he was and who was around him. Safe on Ahch-to with his friends. Even if it was only Rey and Poe. Which was silly to think because all of them were his friends, right? But a niggling thought was pushing into his mind, one that sent anxiety rattling through him, so he wrapped his arms around Rey.

"They don't believe that, right? The Resistance? I mean, Leia isn't a Jedi…. So…right?" Finn realized his voice was not the strongest sounding thing right now but the thought that those he fought for idolized or were aiming for something the First Order was doing was sort of freaking him out. "We made the right call, didn't we?"

"Oh, Finn." Rey pulled away from him just enough to look at him, "The Resistance aren't Jedi. Leia isn't a Jedi." She put her hands on his shoulders and made him look her in the eyes, "I am _not_ a Jedi, Finn. I'm not going to leave you behind for a religion I keep finding things wrong with."

"But they want you to be, Rey. Don't they? Want you to be a Jedi?"

She shrugged and her hands fell away but she stayed close to him, "I don't know. Maybe. That doesn't change anything for me." Her face grew bleak and she looked away from him, "After… I couldn't be Jedi even if I wanted…"

Finn blinked. That was a rapid change he'd just seen, her face going from concerned and reassuring to morose and brooding. Did he miss something just now? He nudged her arm with his hand, "Rey? What just happened? After what?"

Moving away from him, she slumped down to sit against the wall of the cave room facing the suns where they hovered over the water. "If I tell you… please promise not to say anything to anyone."

Her voice was low and, coupled with her body language, she was starting to make him nervous. Finn sat right next to her, mimicking her position, "Rey, you know I won't tell anyone. I haven't and I won't. You know that, right?"

More lip biting and she at least nodded, "I do. Sorry. I just…." She brought her knees up to her chest, "Last night…I was trapped. In the Darkness."

Part of him wanted to start flipping out but he took a breath and wrapped an arm around her shoulders instead. This was not something he was going to leave her alone to deal with, even if he was scared of what she was telling him. If her whispering, subdued voice told him anything, it was that she was more frightened over it. Right now he was going to put his own issues aside and be there for her, "Okay. Let's talk about it. I'm right here, not going anywhere."

"I was thinking about Poe and Kaydel's relationship and somehow that led to families and then to everything wrong with the Sith and Jedi." She was shaking her head as if she could scarcely believe it herself as she explained it to him. The snowballing effect of her thoughts, the anger she'd felt, how that had turned into bitter thoughts and all-out rage. She told him how quickly she'd lost control of her own mind and how terrifying that had been.

Finn tensed up when she got to the part about her connection with Kylo Ren opening up again. They'd talked about it in the past and it had taken him a good two weeks to pull his head out of his rear about the whole thing. As if this thing she'd had no say in and wasn't jeopardizing their friends was something he'd risk their relationship over. It wasn't just the connection with Kylo that had him tensing up, though. No, it was the way she described him. That mass murderer had helped her? His Rey? The same woman that nerf licker had tried to kill on numerous occasions? But clearly, he had. Carried Rey in his evil arms and made sure she wouldn't get sick out in the cold rain. While Finn had slept unaware the whole time. Oh, how he hated that knowledge. His arms around Rey tightened and he went warm at the way she leaned easily into it. That Kylo garbage didn't matter. Rey mattered.

It was hard for him to understand what she was talking about totally, but he focused on how she was describing her experience. The mixed feelings she had towards Kylo - even though she sometimes called him Ben, which was gross. All the things she was saying reminded him of mental breakdowns, only this wasn't caused by some traumatic event or a buildup of such. It was caused, and exacerbated by the Force Rey was connected to. That's what it all sounded like to him and it was hard to hear; he couldn't pick up a lightsaber or blaster and fight this for her.

At least near the end of her relating everything to him, she seemed to have reached a positive point last night and hadn't fallen asleep with a head full of awful thoughts. Finn was pleased at that, plus she'd said she hadn't had any nightmares and that was a blessing in itself. Rey was still scared, she said. Of the darkness inside her, but Finn honestly thought that it wasn't even that dark. But she was wary of becoming like Kylo Ren and he could totally see why.

"This is why I need to find a better way, Finn," she was saying, "I can't be a Jedi and I will not become a Sith. Neither are…me. But I don't know how to start or where to look or anything."

Finn smiled and jiggled her a little bit, "I think you kind of do." He said, sticking a thumb in the direction of the cave room, "You said you felt great in there, right? Meditating was easy and you didn't have your nightmares. Start there."

She looked up at him like he'd just said the most profound thing in the universe, "Finn. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you. I've no idea why I didn't think of that after literally running here myself last night." She huffed, then settled against him again.

"Well, I have my moments," he tutted, then turned serious, "But Rey…understand something. Everyone has anger and bitterness, and all that nasty stuff inside. No one is perfect, okay? We have feelings and sometimes those feelings aren't nice. That's just part of being alive. Sometimes we do things we're not proud of."

He looked down to see if she was listening and found her looking out onto the ocean with her head cocked to the side slightly. Good, she needed to hear this: "But that's not the point, you know? What matters is that you pull yourself back together afterward and you make it right. You make it right with yourself. I mean, look at me. I was gonna leave, Rey. Sure, I came back but only for you."

Now she looked up at him, brows furrowed a little. Maybe she hadn't known that? Finn had thought it would be plain as day, but perhaps not. "That doesn't sit right with me, it still bothers me sometimes. But I gotta make that right with myself. And I think I have. We all have both light and dark inside, but we decide which to feed the most. I proved to myself which I wanna be, and I think that's what matters. Does that make sense?"

After a moment she nodded, "I think it does. I think I wanted to have a place already made for me. Where I just fit and knew what to do. Wait for my family. Become a Jedi. Easy and simple," she shook her head. "But…it hasn't felt right. And it hasn't been easy or simple"

Her hands came up to scrub at her eyes and she looked so tired he wanted to tell her to just go back to sleep but knew she wouldn't. He needed to at least get her to eat, though, so he gave her a last squeeze and got up. "You'll find it. There's no way you could survive all this time and then suddenly not be able to find a way. Doesn't even sound like you. Neither does missing breakfast."

At least he got a smile out of her, and later a rumble from her stomach that was in full agreement with his last statement, "You're definitely not wrong about that last bit." She held out her hand and he took it and hauled her up.

Usually, she wasn't one to graciously take a helping hand but he had noticed that with him and sometimes Poe, she was more willing to accept it. Thankfully. Finn could only take so much of watching her run herself into the ground before he started seriously considering either drugs or restraints. Both would probably just get him that bloody stick of hers again, but it might just be worth it if she could get some actual rest in her. They walked back to the village and he shoved breakfast at her, determined to watch her eat every bite. That turned out not to be necessary since she ate it like a ravenous animal - so, normal Rey-style.

While sometimes her atrocious manners were endearing, sometimes they weren't, but he knew she'd simply never had anyone teach her differently. Finn doubted that other scavengers on Jakku were about to show a strange young girl proper table manners. Secretly, he thought that the other two girls were surreptitiously giving Rey little clues here and there. If they were, it was nice of them to not just come out and say it since that might make Rey feel uncomfortable or hurt her feelings. He wasn't sure how that worked, only noticed that Rey had better manners around Kaydel and Rose. Even if it was just from watching them, it was nice and Rey obviously felt more easy about eating in front of other people than when they first came to the Resistance.

Both of them finished and Rey went off in the direction of Poe and the X-Wing. Kaydel caught him before he went onto his own duties and told him that after seeing no sign of Rey on the other side of the island, Poe had figured they had found each other and went on to work on the ship. She also told him, despite his not asking, that Rey was a grown woman and if she didn't want to sleep in the hut with all of them sometimes it wasn't a big deal. Which was true, of course, but Finn wasn't about to go and explain to Kaydel how last night had not been one of those instances for Rey. Instead, he just stared as Kaydel walked off to do whatever the blonde woman did.

Kaydel seemed to have her hands in everything going on at the makeshift base, whereas that was usually Poe's job. Right now the pilot was stuck fixing up the X-Wing with Rey so they could have another ship, even if it would only carry one and an astromech droid. At least it was a fighter and had its own hyperdrive. Rose was working on maintaining the small amount of tech they had, which was old and prone to breaking down a lot. Everyone's job was pretty much full time and before, Finn would get sore about it sometimes. Sure, he loved being with people who were not mass-murdering psychopaths, but he also wanted to feel useful.

Fortunately, he'd been assigned to assist with supplies management so he had a lot to do now. Especially now that he was an official member, Private Finn Liber. He was still not over how amazing it was to have a last name, it just felt like he was really free instead of a runaway trooper. Some random deserter, but he wasn't. He was worse, a traitor to the First Order, and that was even better.


	5. Syzygy 5 - Kylo Ren

He wanted to pay attention to the meeting but both his body and mind felt exhausted. The past few weeks had been taxing; putting down a civilian rebellion was not a simple task, and a nagging part of his mind insisted on dwelling upon the scavenger. A little leeway could be afforded as this was a meeting strictly of himself and General Hux, but Kylo still needed to have enough wits about him to make decisions. He took a drink of his tea and blinked at the figures he was being shown.

"The loss probability may be higher, but I feel it's an acceptable risk if we are to establish a strong foothold along this route," Hux said, seeming to come to a conclusion. "I know you wish to use less aggressive methods but this is much faster. From there we could be on our way to Coruscant."

"While that is indisputably a wise course for time's sake — and Coruscant is certainly in our future — my order stands," he responded, picking up the datapad Hux had slid across the desk. "We stay on Ralltiir until the treaty is signed."

At Hux's disappointed expression, Kylo leaned back in his chair to continue, "The First Order must become a symbol of _stability_ in order to instill loyalty, else we will have none. I will not repeat myself and I do not find your change of mind on this issue inspiring, Hux."

"My opinions on the First Order's new direction have not changed, my Lord, I assure you," the man insisted. "However, recent reports from Coruscant and Corellia — even Brentaal, require immediate…." he trailed off, realizing too late his mistake.

Dark eyes bored into the man across the desk. "We do not have intelligence units on Corellia, General."

To his credit, Hux did not wither under Kylo's piercing glare, but he did straighten his spine, "It was necessary to use personal resources."

"I see," Kylo deadpanned.

"My Lord, our intelligence personnel are not suited for long-term, deep infiltration," the redhead explained. "Coruscant must be monitored constantly. Corellia less intensely, but events happen very quickly there."

Kylo made a small sweeping gesture with his hand, "By all means, proceed with this new intelligence report."

A ginger eyebrow rose slightly and a smirk tugged at the corner of the general's mouth before he did so. Apparently, Coruscant was in flux due to the recent loss of the Republic on Hosnian Prime and Mas Amedda was trying desperately to regain the power he'd lost when the Empire fell. Unfortunately for him, Amedda wasn't the only one interested in the governorship and though he held the position, it was being severely weakened through subterfuge from various sources, scratching and biting like animals for the top of the garbage heap. Corellia was generally a hotbed of unrest but the past few years had seen a steady stream of factions popping up and causing friction every time things started looking up for the planet. Long ago had the governor given into corruption and the effects were increasingly prominent, nurturing ever more aggressive rebellion. The navy was doing its best, but economic backlash from all the turmoil was making it difficult to maintain funding. Kylo couldn't have asked for a better situation if he'd thought about it for a week.

"This is good news. Brentaal?"

Kylo watched, interested, as the general's face changed again, "General Eras…." Rethinking his words, Hux began anew, "As it stands, we do not hold Brentaal."

"He has failed."

Hux nodded and the cup next to Kylo flew into the wall, shattering. The general flinched, but barely, and Kylo could tell the man was intently reading his body language. Searching for signs of another 'incident where the ship's interior would be damaged,' no doubt. Kylo ignored both that and the tea dripping down the wall to his right. Brentaal had been assigned both the Absolution and the Ravenous, a Star Destroyer and a heavy cruiser. Two ships with more than enough combined firepower to ensure success, and a generous timetable allowed for the invasion. After insisting that two generals would confuse the troops, Eras had been given sole command and explicit orders on how to carry out his mission with details Hux had spent hours hammering out.

"I am not pleased." he murmured, voice low and dangerous.

"Nor am I, my Lord."

"When did you receive this intel?"

"Shortly before this meeting. A contact notified me of the situation."

Not surprising, as Kylo knew Hux had his intricate web feeding him information from throughout the fleet. And, so it seemed, the rest of the galaxy. Wise it was for Kylo to foster good relations with this man. No doubt if he hadn't, Hux would have seen Kylo quietly murdered and himself in power within the first month following Crait.

Crait. Where so many things had escaped him — all of which he was determined to take back.

Kylo refocused his attention on how to fix this unacceptable blunder by Eras, "How skilled are your men, Hux? Can a delegation be left to finish things here? Brentaal cannot be left to gather forces before our next move, but Ralltiir needs to be handled with _utmost_ precision or our plans will fall through."

"Understood. I will choose the team myself and send them with an armed Order complement," the general assured. With a minute lift in his expression, Hux leaned forward just barely, "My contacts do tell me that the induction of Taanab, Denon, and Yag'Dhul are going to plan. Our schedule is delayed due to Brentaal, but only slightly."

Kylo inclined his head in acknowledgment and steepled his fingers loosely in front of him as he considered his options. "Once the High Council signs the treaty, I want construction to begin immediately. We will pursue this opportunity with Corellia, first, after Brentaal. Their foolish and petty corruption has handed us quite the platform."

"Agreed. It is notable that if Corellia allies with the First Order we would have the intersect for the Corellian Run and Trade Spine. We would also have access to more ships."

"I want to know who currently funds the Corellian Navy and for what reason. Put together full dossiers on the Coruscant and Corellia situations."

"Yes, my Lord. I'll instruct my men about the navy. Having Brentaal will give us leverage in dealing with both Coruscant and Corellia."

"Good. Keep in mind, Hux, the way Ralltiir is handled is the way First Order leadership will be seen. It must be done according to plan." Kylo said forcefully, "The native rebels have been dealt with; now is the time for action and diplomacy, albeit aggressive diplomacy, to legitimize our superiority and make allies. The financial assets we could appropriate here are not something I will tolerate being undermined by some dead civilians. Do I make myself clear?"

They'd had this conversation before, but Kylo felt the need to reiterate. Whenever rebel terrorism was involved, the general became...enthusiastic in his desire to respond with vicious thoroughness. Kylo would not have the massacre of entire star systems on his shoulders. He knew that despite the fervor Hux had displayed then, the Hosnian incident had affected the man. At first, driven by paranoia of the general's scheming, Kylo had stuck his nose in everything he did. Nothing had been amiss, though records from the infirmary showed Hux regularly received medication for "sleep disturbances affecting performance", which meant that nightmares were keeping the general awake and sleep deprivation was getting to him. Although Hux's performance was satisfactory as always, Kylo was reminded of that medical log whenever they had one-on-one meetings — now quite often. Simply put, the man didn't seem well. Already pale skin was more so and a tendency to snap at the men had developed.

At the moment, Kylo himself was also suffering from sleeplessness, among other things. For years unused to such trivial concepts as concern, especially not for scavengers, he had yet to develop an immunity to its side effects. Unfortunately, the only time Hux had for these meetings that didn't conflict with Kylo's own schedule was before the morning meal. He knew this to be the truth because he'd checked, thinking the man was simply vying for what little control he could get. While the general seemed fine with this missing-first-meal nonsense, Kylo's mood did not improve with hunger. He usually rose early to take his repast but his preoccupation with the bond ordeal a few weeks ago was now affecting his internal chronometer, and he'd awoken too late. Now his tea had exploded and he had nothing at all. With their next course of action settled, perhaps he could go back to his quarters and remedy his empty stomach.

"I remember our conversation clearly. I will do what must be done."

"I expect no less, General," he said. Then, after a thoughtful pause, "On a different topic, I have come to the end of my patience with my High Command."

"My Lord?"

"Inform them of a meeting at precisely thirteen hundred hours. No earlier, Hux, and no later. Failure to attend _exactly_ as commanded will result in execution as a seditionist." At the widening of Hux's eyes, Kylo added, "Eras, Cradam, and you will attend in person; the others via holo. My tolerance of disobedience has reached its limit."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Your selections for the Ralltiir party I want in my queue by eleven hundred hours. I want a copy of the report from the Absolution, as well as…." A beeping interrupted him from Hux's datapad, which Kylo still held in his hand. He looked at the alert of ship dock, catching the model, then up at the man across his desk, "Your transport request has arrived."

As he handed the pad to the general, whose color was suddenly worse, suspicion bloomed. Typically he didn't need to approve the request of a simple transport dock, but when most of the contents of their main hangar needed to be relocated to make room for a large ship to fully dock in their belly, it was a little different. He must not have read the full request because he certainly didn't remember it being for a yacht class. That was also suspicious, given yachts were not a common sight in the Order — especially not on the flagship. Deals with traders or bounty hunters who owned such ships were usually handled on other vessels.

He had assumed, perhaps prematurely, that his and Hux's relationship was evening out to a reliable rhythm. Possibly Kylo had been remiss in the slow budding trust he'd allowed the other man based on his performance thus far. The thought didn't sit well with him, but finding himself on the receiving end of one of the general's machinations would sit even less well. They weren't unheard of and Kylo succinctly remembered every instance in which the older officer had sought to undermine him, both in front of the men and Snoke. This was certainly not the time to allow sentiment, even the beginnings of such for a colleague, to stand in his way now that he was finally making headway in his goals. There was no room for secrets. No room for failure. The galaxy depended on his ability to create his vision.

"I'll accompany you to meet it." It was silly to gain any sort of satisfaction from the way his general's face completely fell, but Kylo did nonetheless. Another side effect of Hux's reaction was to make Kylo certain it was imperative he insert himself into whatever business this was.

For a moment Hux seemed to flounder, "Surely my Lord has more pressing matters to attend to than a simple transpo—"

"I have time," Kylo interrupted easily, standing and moving towards the door. Then, when he noticed the man lingering, "Hux!"

The redhead shot to his feet and straightened his uniform, "Of course, Lord Ren."

On the way, Kylo slightly regretted his decision. He was past hungry at this point and, the Finalizer being a battlecruiser, the journey to the main hangar was lengthy. A testing brush against Hux's mind showed little more than that he was quite anxious and any further attempt to penetrate his thoughts would be noticed. Kylo distracted himself by being half amused at his walking companion's attempt to retain composure. If there was one thing about Hux that Kylo did appreciate, it was his ability to keep his head on his shoulders in difficult situations. Kylo supposed one did not attain Hux's position so quickly without having that capability, but the walk was long and uncomfortable for both of them. At least he was working the tenseness out of his legs, his body not fond lately of remaining in a stationary position. Perhaps it was psychosomatic, as he was perfectly capable of meditating for hours on end. The thought came to him that he should keep a record to determine which it was, but that thought brought on others. Green foliage and brown fur came unbidden into his mind, making him scowl and forcibly redirect his attention.

As they neared the hangar, Kylo noticed the general surreptitiously checking his appearance and making microscopic adjustments in the meager reflections of paneling that offered such. Kylo realized that he'd never actually seen Hux tend to himself in public. It was uncharacteristic and he wondered again just what kind of imbroglio this request he'd nonchalantly approved was going to lead to. He would prefer to have at least one individual in the Order whom he could really depend upon. Capable and confident as he was, Kylo was well aware that he was just one man. Whereas Snoke had been keen to rule through the stark fear of his many underlings, Kylo had seen time and again fear breed betrayal instead of loyalty.

Upon entering the hangar, he was struck by how empty the place looked. Normally it was stuffed to the brim with ships, equipment, and masses of servicemen moving amongst it all. It still contained those things, just decidedly less than he'd ever seen. The yacht, a blue and grey SoroSuub currently lowering its ramp, took up a good deal of space. Shortly thereafter, a woman walked down the ramp flanked by a helmeted man in a long collared tunic and fitted pants.

When he noticed his error, Kylo blinked. Not a man, but a heavily customized RWW protocol droid with clothes — exceptionally out of the ordinary. True, the RWW units were the second most human-like droid manufactured, but not even the human replica droids were normally garbed and the effect was off-putting. It walked down the ramp in its embroidered tunic, open from the hips down at the sides, and similarly decorated pants. The female was wrapped in a fair amount of delicate looking fabric with an intricate scarf hung around her neck and shoulders, all items on her and the droid either white or metallic.

Kylo had never seen the species before: a tall, willowy humanoid with white hair and large, almond-shaped eyes. Her skin was only a few shades darker and rosier than her clothing, and there was a pattern of dappling around her hairline and down exposed arms in a startlingly vivid purple. She walked toward them unhesitatingly, two pearls dangling over her forehead moving as she did. As she came closer he realized she was actually walking towards Hux, in front of whom she stopped and stood staring for a long moment. Closer observance of the general's chest movement belied his distress, but Kylo allowed this scene to play out uninterrupted; anything which affected the general thus was surely something to witness.

A pale hand touched long fingers to her chest and from there made a sweeping gesture out towards Hux, "My heart sees my son."

For a moment, Kylo was extremely confused — both by the accented words and by the way his general suddenly relaxed — but then the woman turned to him. Light lavender eyes swept Kylo from head to toe before she did a similar gesture, touching her forehead rather than her chest, "My eyes see a leader. Tiarosi, Lord Kylo Ren"

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Hux finally spoke, "My Lord, this is Lady Airmeneia." The woman turned to look at him as he continued, "An advisor and doctor of some renown."

"These are kind words. I will strive to stay clear of your crew unless my assistance is required," she added in a slow and soft voice, distinctly accented but discernible.

"Hopefully it will not be," Kylo responded, and she inclined her head towards him. This was definitely not the clandestine and ominous meeting he'd imagined it would be. She did not look like an assassin, leastwise, not any he'd known. The general could very well be left to tend his guest by himself, so Kylo turned to go, "The report from the Absolution, and the other ships as well. Eleven hundred hours, Hux"

"Yes, my Lord." he heard from behind him.

Though the voice was low and from a distance, he heard it, "Miitaj, we have many words to speak."

With a last thought to the odd address, and the awkward way she pronounced his own name, Kylo headed for his quarters and much-needed food. He would have to think about this turn of events later if he ever had the time to spare. Kylo had led before but never on the scale he did now, yet while it proved taxing most of the time it also helped to ease his mind. Less often he was preyed upon by unrelenting thoughts of what could happen should he fail, should the galaxy not become united to fight against the kind of atrocities he'd seen. The New Republic had not been the shining example of altruistic worlds coming together to create a galaxy-wide environment of peace and joy it proclaimed. Far from it, bureaucratic scheming and parsecs of red tape had wrapped his home in a noose of suffering. But not for much longer.

Upon reaching his destination, he ordered something from the service droids and set to pulling up information at the desk he'd acquired recently. While Snoke was alive, there had never been a reason or time to eat at his desk; his responsibilities had never kept him on the Finalizer long. Always on the move and usually doing very physical work, Kylo had eaten wherever, whatever, and whenever he could manage. Thoughts on his previous routine reminded him of the surviving Knights of Ren, all still on assignment. The remaining three had already been appraised of his promotion and would likely put up no fuss, excepting Masma, who put up a fuss about almost everything because she thrived on it. He didn't expect trouble from them, having established long ago his right to be called Master among them, but needed to steel himself for the possibility of having to put them all down. Truly an arduous task considering their abilities, but one he must be willing to do for the sake of the galaxy and it would hopefully not come to that. Already before him was the prospect of dealing with his High Command and while that wasn't distasteful to him, mopping up his ranks was something he had little time for. Yet, he didn't trust anyone else to do the job in his best interests.

Finishing the compiling of data for the later meeting took longer than anticipated and he didn't like sequestering himself in his rooms for large chunks of the cycle. As head of the First Order, it was best he was seen as often as possible, so he grabbed the handful of datapads — he preferred working with multiple handheld ones rather than the larger models — and made to leave when a thought came to him. Turning back to his desk, he queried for all available information on Hux and his family, downloading it to another datapad to go over later. That interaction between the ginger man and his guest had lingered in the back of his mind: too intimate and Hux too affected for her to simply be a mere doctor to the man. While she didn't give the impression of an eliminator, Kylo wanted answers before she had the chance to become a problem.

Once settled in his freshly cleaned office, he faced another morning of sedentary oversight. The research part was pleasant enough when warranted but the droves of inane documents, however necessary, requiring his attention were not. Getting through the messages, reports, and pending requests in his personal queue took up the entirety of almost every morning. He needed action, was a man of action, and two months of not a scrap of it was taking its toll on his disposition. The issue with Rey had taxed him considerably, he was loath to admit, as did this failed mission on Brentaal. When he looked over the information he'd ordered from Hux, it was a cross between disappointing and promising.

Brentaal was more a mess than had been let on. Both personnel and resources had been wasted in direct defiance of Kylo's order that Eras begin with diplomacy and finish with military means if needed. Any organizations responding favorably to the diplomacy would be allies in the inevitable military confrontation, thus preventing the planet's forces from rallying together — which was the exact issue now. Kylo was both pleased and displeased. The delay was due to inexcusably poor judgement and blatant insubordination, but would at least provide him with an excuse to _finally_ see some action. He would lead the assault himself and perform the dual task of gaining Brentaal while demonstrating the difference between Snoke and himself.

Motivated once again, he switched from looking into the Order's finances for future use on Corellia to drawing up a new plan of attack for Brentaal. He had more skilled pilots than infantry so doing an aerial sweep first would both curtail their own losses and reduce the enemy's numbers when they deployed ground troops. This was good enough as a base and Hux could deal with the rest. Sitting for long periods of time did not agree with him, nor was he in the mood for walking about his office right now. Seeing as Hux's office was on the same deck, Kylo downloaded the Brentaal plan onto a datapad and headed in that direction. As he drew up to the door — which did not automatically open, indicating it had been set to voice command mode — he heard voices within. In any other instance, he would barge in but the feminine voice was that of the white-clad female from before and curiosity got the better of him. He used the Force to focus solely on his auditory senses.

"—ot go onto my ship. I did not come to have… what is this saying? Here."

After a moment, Hux's voice came, "Violation of privacy. 'Neia, please. That is not what this is. It's a security issue, you must understand."

"I do, moreni. Also have this concern."

"It is for your security as well. The Finalizer and its safety are my responsibility."

"Then you will do this, Miitaj," she said, sounding satisfied, "Outer hull I leave to grieving ones."

There was a sigh, and then, "I will try to find the time. And they are not grieving, their uniform just happens to be white. As is yours, I see. You still search?"

"Yes. I wish not to speak of it, leyoli. Thenis. Vor teol."

"I don't know that word. With what?"

"Teol is 'pain'. I will not send this. Let us speak of other things. These pants, Miitaj. Why do you not wear what I have given?"

"I thought you came to discuss your outrage at the violation of your privacy. You know I have a uniform."

"I did, and we have. New words. I do not wish to look upon my son in this ugly thing. Are you not able to change this uniform?"

A self-deprecating laugh, "They aren't my first choice, either, and no. 'Neia, I told you I would see you this evening. Please, you shouldn't be here."

"Esh vathunii ia." Her voice was questioning and tinged with surprised concern, "Miitaj, of wh—"

Kylo used the Force to open the door, interrupting whatever she was going to say. While he agreed the uniform pants were hideous, he had things to do and since this conversation held no indication of murderous plots it wasn't important. Both looked up, Hux in surprise and the woman with interest and something Kylo couldn't identify. The general immediately stood up straight from where he'd been leaning against the front of his desk and tried his best to look like he wasn't horrified at Kylo's presence. The woman whose name he'd forgotten had turned to him and was studying him closely, the color and shape of her eyes in such a humanoid face making it uncomfortable.

"These, Miitaj," she announced, gesturing to Kylo's lower half. "Are better."

Hux stepped forward somewhat diagonally, putting him just enough in front of the female that he was now between her and Kylo. It did not go unnoticed. Did the man think his commander would cut her down where she stood because she spoke of his clothing? Did the crew truly still think him so unbalanced? Perhaps the business of concern over his mental state Hux had brought up last month had not diminished. Admittedly, his mood lately had been sour due to his last Force connection with Rey, which resulted in an already tenuous hold on his narrow path of solitude to start slipping. Something did need to be done about that, but he hadn't the time to focus overmuch on anything except orchestrating the means by which he would fulfill his destiny for a widely unappreciative galaxy.

"Lord Ren, I was not expecting you. I have already sent the reports from the fleet. The doctor was just leaving." Turning to her, Hux gestured towards the door.

She said nothing but it was clear she had not been just leaving at all. After raising an eyebrow and shooting a look at Hux, she turned back to Kylo and lowered her head in the smallest of bows before moving towards the door. It was then that Kylo realized the scarf around her neck was not a scarf but incredibly long hair, ended in a braid, that had been wrapped around her to keep it from dragging on the ground. The intricate patterns in what he'd thought was a scarf were actually more braids running throughout the silvery strands.

In front of him, the general cleared his throat and was looking at him confusedly, "My Lord?"

It was satisfying to see Hux on edge, but only a little, and Kylo held out the datapad, "Attack plans for Brentaal. Modify them appropriately as intel from the Absolution and Ravenous come in."

"Of course. I will attend to it at once."

"The woman," Kylo started, curiosity getting the best of him. It always did when something outside his expectations popped up. He noticed Hux immediately going very still and rigid, fingers tight over the datapad. The reaction was watched with calculating eyes before Kylo pressed on, his subordinate's feelings easily elided. "We head for Brentaal later today. Her undock isn't a priority. You understand?"

"Yes, my Lord," Hux said carefully, nodding. "There won't be a problem."

The doctor causing problems over transportation issues was not the reason Kylo mentioned her, but allowing Hux to think so suited him well enough. He went back to his office and found he had about an hour before he had to deal with his High Command. Times like this made him almost miss the days he did not have to call every shot, though recalling just where the previous leadership had gotten them was only frustrating. Nowhere, and with fewer ships to do what needed to be done. A mess is what Snoke had left behind, which suited Kylo, he supposed. Most of his workload before had been cleaning up messes caused by self-indulgent oversight.

All of it could be salvaged if Kylo stayed his course and was successful in the redirection of this organization. His and Hux's plan was sound and if they kept pace, their goals could be realized well within a span of years. For now, that meant inducting certain worlds into the group of planets already allied to the Order. With the way events were taking place in the core territories, he felt a strong drive to push forward. If he could manage to gain those worlds, it would streamline the entire plan and take years off the estimated model. Everything from here on out had to be handled flawlessly or he could miss this precarious chance.

Midday meal was taken in his office while he went over a report he'd requested on his Stormtrooper program and was alerted to the arrival of Eras and Cradam via shuttle. He knew the latter could still be useful to him, as Cradam had never failed him in commanding the Ravenous. The record showed only that Cradam had followed the orders from the Absolution as he'd been instructed to. It was Eras who needed dealing with. Snoke's method of allowing infighting as a means for his minions to scrabble up the ranks had been advantageous for the man, but Kylo had always felt it demeaned the entire organization. He would not be the same; he would himself cull what needed culling the moment it became necessary.

With a handful of minutes until the designated meeting time, Kylo strode into the room via the door connecting it to his office. Thankfully, so far his orders had been followed, and the room was empty. Kylo pulled out the chair at the head of the table and sat, fulling intending to watch every second go by. At precisely one second after thirteen hundred hours, the chairs began to fill with holograms of his generals. To his left, the door opened and he tilted his head slightly to watch the three come in.

Hux, of course, came through first. Far be it from him to allow anyone else to do so on his own ship. He'd proven a bit more territorial about the Finalizer since Kylo decreed they no longer share command of it as Snoke had arranged. Kylo did not need a specific ship because every ship of the First Order belonged to him, though he did stay aboard out of personal convenience and, to be honest, preference. Behind Hux came a man of moderate build with eyes that darted around the room, not landing on anyone or thing, as he took his seat. Eras. His eyes narrowed at Hux as the ginger man took the seat to the immediate left of Kylo, beside General Norat, while Eras himself sat on the other side of her. Norat's clear distaste at the seating arrangement did not go unnoticed by Kylo, nor did the look she shared with Cradam across the table.

Instead of seating them in order of favor, as had been the case in the past, Kylo had them in order of seniority save one. Fanonwyn Zuben had been with the Order the same number of years as Generals Lohne and Eras, but she was the least likely of the three to have a problem with sitting in the furthest seat. Lohne likely felt the same but that quiet and calm demeanor was disarming, as he was unpredictable and ruthless when provoked. The grey-haired man on Lohne's left, Cradam, was quiet as well. He likely would say little to condemn Eras at this meeting but on his own, his machinations were almost as bad as Hux's. Cradam never complained about commanding the Ravenous, a smaller ship than the rest, but he made sure it was obvious his skills and experience could be put to better use.

On Kylo's right, directly across from Hux, Tien Prentys surveyed the others intently as if searching for some weakness she could later exploit. Despite her soft-spoken articulation and short stature, the woman held a distinct presence and the allegiance of those under her command was absolute. Maintaining her loyalty was as key as maintaining Hux's. Both held huge clout when it came to their armed forces as well as diplomatic relations, though Hux's reputation as a diplomat had understandably diminished in recent months and Kylo had reassigned him to focus on intelligence instead. Zuben was making herself useful in the political field to offset the effects of the Hosnian incident, her genial personality a good pairing with Prentys' more subdued one.

Kylo wanted to stand to alleviate the restlessness he felt from sitting most of the morning, but he refused to give the impression he needed to lord his position over his people.

"General Prentys, report," he commanded casually while remaining perfectly still.

Almost black eyes carefully glanced at Hux across from her before she lifted her chin and began. "Yag'Dhul has signed, my Lord. The Body Calculus demanded minor concessions, but nothing that contradicts anything of import. As the planet is inhospitable for a base, construction will begin on an orbital station."

That was to be expected, as the surface of Yag'Dhul was consistently altered due to tidal forces. It would be insane to waste time with an installation on the planet when a space station was easier. On the other side of the inner rim, Tanaab had thankfully not given Zuben much resistance; Kylo had been worried that the agricultural systems might be damaged during induction but any risk was far outweighed by its food production for the mid and outer rim and thus leverage in negotiations. Any prolonged unpleasantness was avoided by hiring a group of pirates to take over the weather control system while the Harbinger conveniently arrived and negotiated the First Order's terms for ridding Tanaab of the pirates. Negotiation turned messy but Tanaab had signed with minimal loss on either side. That was the exact reason Kylo had chosen Zuben to command the mission; she had an uncanny knack for wrapping a difficult situation up in a neat and tidy package.

Generals Lohne and Norat had been in charge of Denon, as a good deal of force would be needed to wrest the place from the New Republic. It featured many defenses, having been developed into a bulwark under the old Empire years ago. The planet wasn't specifically strategic in exports or function but as a heavily protected crossing of the Hydian Way and Corellian Run, it was perfect for New Republic remnants to hide and rebuild after Kylo crushed their corrupt regime. That sanctuary needed to be taken from them and Denon would also provide a stable source of supplies for the fleet.

Even over hologram, Daiser Lohne's deep voice filled the room. "The treaty is signed, but we're settling small skirmishes around the warehouse areas. Crimelords don't like the new management. We should be done within the week."

"And the second phase?" A few of the generals shifted, but Kylo ignored them. They had their orders and knew the only option was to fall in line.

"Underway as we speak, sir. Mobile medical centers have been dispatched to each invasion site lacking its own." Lohne saw the wisdom in his orders, Kylo knew, even if others had yet to understand.

Kylo turned his eyes towards Norat, "Anything to add, General Norat?"

Norat pushed a few tight raven curls away from her eyes, "That's the sum of it, my Lord. Retribution lost more personnel than I'd like, but we had a knife to their throats and the little rats knew well enough when it was time to give up. Now that we're sewing them back together, the victory seems a little pointless, sir. We could be —"

"I am aware of your opinions, Mesthe," Kylo cut in smoothly. "Are they going to interfere with your duties?"

Muscles twitched under the warm sepia of her face and he knew she was restraining her temper, "No, Lord Ren. They will not."

He looked her in the eyes and nodded before moving on to collect the reports from the rest of the room. Norat was concerned, not wanting to give the appearance of a goodwill organization. Even if they were, which was very doubtful, it was unimportant. More important was that citizens of each inducted planet immediately see the First Order being the one to satisfy needs. That would begin with medical assistance after each successful invasion and diplomats to stay and have a hand in both the reorganization process and making sure the treaty was honored. There would be more to come, as per the details of the treaty, but this would suffice for now. Two open hands on a planet, one with the bureaucrats and one with the people, would yield better long-term results than one closed fist.

"Your other mission, General Lohne?" Kylo inquired. Around the table, eyes shifted.

A slender umber hand moved over something the projection didn't include before Lohne spoke again, "PM-1203 is gone. The team is en route to rendezvous with the Ravenous now. I've just sent visual confirmation to your queue."

"I want all scans of the area as well. There must be nothing left for anyone to hide in." Kylo stated.

"Yes, sir."

From the left side of the table came a strong voice, "My Lord, I wasn't aware of any plans to destroy PM-1203. Fort Anaxes could have proved useful to us."

Kylo turned to Eras and stared steadily at him until the man shifted uncomfortably and dropped his gaze to the table before him. "Report on Brentaal, General Eras," he commanded simply.

The general's face fell, no doubt at being ignored as well as dreading the next few minutes, and he inhaled sharply before delivering the information Kylo and Hux already knew. Eras had immediately gone on the offensive starting with ground troops, thinking that would soften the planet for a finalizing sweep but had underestimated the planet's defense and lost most of the first wave to aerial resistance. He'd retaliated in kind but it had been too little, too late and the First Order's forces had been overwhelmed. All throughout the report, Kylo kept his eyes on the man. Eras was an overconfident fool, but one with many useful contacts and affiliations. This blemish on his record was not the first and the man reeked of effrontery since Kylo's ascension to power. Still, it was manageable to pardon this in regard to the many times the man's connections had proved advantageous. Just barely.

"General Cradam, do you wish to add anything to the report?" Kylo inquired nonchalantly.

On his right, the older man shook his head. "Nothing other than that my troops were hit hard and the Ravenous is low on supplies, Lord Ren."

"Noted. We'll take on supplies for you here and transfer at Brentaal," Kylo decided quickly. "Have your supply officer liaise with Major Yllian Atkkra here and inform Lohne's men they'll be debriefed on the Finalizer. Appraise the Command of our recent intelligence, General Hux."

The redhead did, prepared as ever, leaving Kylo to pay half his attention to the report and the other half to the occupants of the room discussing the new findings amongst themselves. Kylo didn't generally say a whole lot at these meetings; he was mostly there to make final decisions, issue assignments, and receive reports. He could just read the reports, granted, but he preferred forcing them to meet. If they couldn't figure out a way to work together they would be useless to him and he needed to know that now rather than later.

"Rebels on Coruscant, Chandrila, and Corellia are a given. I can't really say I'm surprised by Kashyyyk or Arkanis, but Ithor? Are we sure?" Zuben had turned towards Hux in her chair on the Harbinger and looked to be sitting slightly out of the bounds of her chair on the Finalizer.

"Hux is always sure," reminded Prentys. "Do we know how it got started on Ithor?"

"It's irrelevant. This problem needs to be dealt with quickly." Lohne looked at Hux, "How soon could we restock supplies and deploy? I suggest we start with the furthest out and work our way in."

Hux shook his head, "We need to focus on the core. Our efforts will be most valuable here."

"I agree with Lohne," Eras said. "Kashyyyk has proved troublesome in the past. We can't afford to risk a fleet of enraged Wookiees. It needs to be put down, hard." He removed tightly folded hands from the table as he spoke.

Kylo stamped down the urge to roll his eyes but gave in to the other urge to correct the ridiculous assertion, "Kashyyyk does not have a fleet, General Eras. Hux is correct. The Order will not be going to the mid nor outer rims."

"My Lord, even if they do not have a fleet now, surely they should not be left alone to construct one. A Wookiee rebel faction —"

"I will not waste resources on a planet widely known to be still under restoration," Kylo interrupted. "Do not question me, Eras. Kashyyyk is now under my personal jurisdiction, penalty of trespass is death. The matter is closed."

General Eras' face turned an interesting shade of red and his mouth twisted, "I must protest, Lord Ren! These animals —" His hands went to his throat as he made choking sounds, eyes wide and staring at the stone-faced man at the head of the table.

"Must you, Hadel?" Kylo meant it more as a rhetorical question as the man could clearly not respond, struggling valiantly to breathe as he was lifted up out of his chair, "You fail my expectations, disobey my orders, and openly defy me. I will not allow the Order to suffer for your insolence any longer."

His patience was being pressed to the limit and his eagerness to be done with this meeting was likely fueling his rage, but Kylo did not care. Eras had finally reached the end of whatever length of rope he'd been given, and he would die with it wrapped around his neck. Kylo was finished pandering to the whims of his own subordinates, tolerating slight after slight because they didn't like how he was doing things differently than Snoke had. He had given them room to adjust, understanding that a change in administration required a period of light-handedness. Now he was done. They were adults, professionals, and it was time they do their job or suffer the same consequences as General Eras.

The men and women around the table looked on in alarm as their coworker dangled mid-air, which was good as they all needed to pay attention to this lesson. A sweep against their minds while they were distracted told him he was making his point. Toleration of dissent was a thing of the past and there would not always be the tell-tale raised hand to warn that Force asphyxiation was forthcoming. Kylo did not need the extra gesture to perform the action, needed no gestures to use the Force, but had used them in the past to instill fear. Instead of drawing the spectacle out, he ended it with a sharp wrenching. The sickening sound of Hadel Eras' neck snapping resonated throughout the chamber and the body dropped back to the seat below.

"The matter is closed. These reports of rebel sympathy will be investigated further before any action is taken. Have I made myself clear or does my High Command require further instruction?" He purposefully kept his voice hard and unyielding, going on only after hearing a response from every individual present, "General Lesath Cradam, you are now in command of the Absolution. Lohne."

"Yes, my Lord?"

"Your men en route to the Ravenous will now go to the Absolution." After receiving acknowledgment, he continued, "The Finalizer and Harbinger will finish their assignments and head to Brentaal. Cradam, I want all information regarding that planet's defenses forwarded to Hux. You are to pull out your men and hold your position until my arrival. Dismissed."

As the holograms winked out one by one, Kylo finally stood, trying to contain his anger. Cradam and Hux followed suit and Cradam looked at him questioningly. He wanted out of this room and out of his uniform and to hit something repeatedly. Two hours stuck in a chair, not even being able to stand, had exacerbated his restlessness. The door opened and droids came through, scuttling towards the body and maneuvering it out of the room. Absently, Kylo reasoned it was likely Hux who called them, probably even as the scene had played out.

"Yes, Lesath?" Kylo snapped.

"Who will take command of the Ravenous, sir?"

"I leave that to your judgement, General." True, he knew Cradam would choose a good officer, but mostly he had neither the time nor inclination to do it himself.

After a lengthy pause, the tanned general gave a lazy smirk, "Yes, my Lord."

The two remaining men watched Cradam leave the room and after he was gone, Hux muttered, "That's new." Upon realizing he had spoken aloud, the man reddened, "Forgive me, my Lord. I did not mean —"

Kylo held up a hand to stay the oncoming apology, having had the same thought at Cradam's sudden change in addressing the leader of the First Order, "It is. Let me know when the revised plan of attack is ready."

"About that, my Lord. I do not think it wise for you to lead the attack."

"You doubt my ability." It was meant to be delivered tonelessly, but irritation was getting the better of him.

The general seemed unaffected, "No. I doubt the enemies' ability to miss. The Order cannot afford another loss of leadership so soon."

Kylo paused. The phrasing and stress on certain words did not go amiss. Did Hux suspect so soon? Granted, it was inconceivable that an untrained scavenger could assassinate not only Snoke but also his guards while rendering Kylo himself unconscious throughout the whole ordeal, regardless of how strong with the Force she was. Yet, gently prodding the man's mind — still vulnerable after being shocked with Eras' death — revealed these thoughts were not in Hux's head.

"I need to be seen leading, Hux."

"My Lord, you _are_ seen leading."

"I am in an office most of the day." Kylo retorted with vexation, too impatient to discuss this right now. Hux was treading on thin ice.

The other man sighed, "My Lord…. Lord Ren. That is, very often, what leading is. With all due respect, your previous experience never prepared you for this. I recall much of what was done regarding your training…." The pause was too long and Kylo did not like what that implied at all, but Hux went on, "Leadership skills were not exactly on the syllabus. One does not need to shoot something to lead."

After a few moments of staring, "I will take it under advisement. Proceed with arrangements for the Ralltiir delegation. We leave today."

Hux's head jerked towards him fully, "How soon?"

The question was odd, and Kylo eyed his general, "Twenty-one hundred hours. Is there a problem?"

"No." The answer was too quick, too sharp. After staring the man down for a few moments, Hux dropped his shoulders and explained, "The Lady. Doctor. Her species has a difficult time with hyperspace. She requires sedatives during jump. I need to make sure she has time to prepare."

Before he could push it down and away, the curiosity was there running wild in his mind. Sedatives? He couldn't recall any species requiring sedatives for hyperspace travel. What was her physiology? How had it developed on her planet? Kylo reigned his thoughts in harshly until he was focused solely on the need to attend his body's own physiology. He needed to release tension and he needed to meditate before he killed another one of his men.

"See to your guest."

Hux nodded and left the room, after which Kylo went to his own office and shut down his console. He looked down at the datapads still on his desk, then turned around and headed to the private training arena he had arranged to have on each of his ships. The Finalizer held his personal possessions on board, but he never knew when he would need to change ships.

Warming up with martial arts forms quickly led to combat droids, and then to broken pieces of said droids all over the room. Kylo stood a couple meters from the wall, staring down at the last of three droids that had attempted to corner him, bare chest heaving as he caught his breath. Finally, the rage was beginning to quiet, though he had gone through all the droids his arena had been stocked with, which only proved to him that it was vital he lead the attack against Brentaal. He needed to get off this ship and go do something.

When his mind was especially clouded with stray thoughts, he often had the same urge to fight something. He'd not managed to maintain a position on the stabilizing path in well over a week, and now attaining it at all during meditation was out of reach. Kylo knew he needed a short break, but with these new developments on key planets, there was no time. He wiped the sweat from his face and went to grab a towel from one of the compartments on the wall.

The training had improved his mood but was not enough to dampen the whirling thoughts, and he fully intended to meditate after the much needed physical exercise. He absolutely hated the feeling of concern that pooled in his gut these past weeks. Telling himself it was because she needed to be brought to justice for Snoke's death and not because he was fighting an overwhelming need to find and protect her was useless. Frustrated, Kylo scrubbed the sweat from his upper half with the towel before tossing it on the ground. Rey had been the catalyst, not the sole reason for his actions. Rey who had begged him with her eyes, both on the Supremacy and weeks ago when he'd snapped at her, to give her some sort of release. In the throne room, he had been able to. In his shower, he had not. Pretending he didn't long to was getting him nowhere.

On impulse, he reached out with the Force, desperately trying to trigger a connection. With all his might he pushed and fought and reached out so far into the Force that pressure built up and began pounding in his head. He felt wetness on his upper lip and tasted copper, but ignored it and his aching head to focus every ounce of strength into searching for and finding her. If he could just connect them for a moment, just to see she was well, it would be enough. He felt the sweat bead up again on his skin with the effort, and knew this could be dangerous — but in the face of even a small possibility, it was worth it.

Disappointed after what felt like hours of holding it and receiving nothing, he let go and dropped to his knees which refused to continue holding him up. He ran a shaking hand through his hair and took breaths to steady himself, though he could feel anger begin boiling in his chest. Why did it never work? Many times he had tried since their last connection, all to no avail. If this was how it was going to work, then why were they even connected at all? If the Force had done this on its own, somehow, shouldn't it connect them when there was a need?

How much greater a need could there be than her? So naive with the Force that she couldn't even muster up mental defenses to protect herself and with no one near versed enough to teach her. Leaving her in danger when here he was, wanting and offering to teach her, only to be hatefully refused. Rebuffed by her repeatedly and now separated from her by the very thing that bound them together when she needed him the most. When it was so obvious they should be working as a team instead of this nonsensical idea she had of his errors and redemption.

Furious, Kylo used the Force to send the closest object into the air and crush it. Sensing the satisfaction he was looking for, he continued one by one until every scrap of strewn droid parts were in small clumps. Each time the sound of crunching metal and plastic touched his ears, it assuaged a base part of him. When he was finally done venting his inner turmoil, he went to work on the new sheen of sweat covering his body with a fresh towel before wiping the blood from his face and putting his uniform back on. Kylo Ren was not about to walk the corridors half naked.

Although the anger had lessened it was still present, and since meditating would not help right now he opted for a shower instead. After a few hours of going through details of current First Order plans, he decided a stretch of his legs was in order and walked to the general's office to find the man leaving it. The redhead looked up and paused for a moment, appearing slightly confused.

"Lord Ren. I did not expect to see you until tomorrow."

"I wished to discuss Brentaal now. Where are you heading?"

The blue eyes looked to the side and there was a pause before his answer, "I was on my way to inform the doctor of our jump time."

"I'll walk with you."

Hux's expression tightened but he nodded and, at Kylo's gesture, they both continued with him leading the way.

"I have decided to proceed with leading the aerial assault." He informed his general.

The man shot him a look that was sopping with annoyance and pressed his lips together in a line before parting them again, "My Lord, I'm sure you can understand my concerns regarding such a decision. While a capable pilot, you are simply too valuable to lose." Clearly Hux saw this as common sense and that to go another way was beyond reason.

"I do understand, General. The fact remains that sitting behind a desk does not inspire loyalty or morale and with Eras' failed invasion, this one needs success. So I will do it myself. We no longer have time for mistakes. You yourself pointed out our schedule problem."

Hux took a long moment, during which he appeared to be deep in thought, before responding, "Yes. Considering his recent failure, this campaign would benefit from having you spearhead the assault. I'm sure it would bolster morale having the Lord of the First Order himself on the front lines with the men. I also understand your preference to be more...active."

"You have taken care of Ralltiir?" They were passing familiar passages now and Kylo realized they were heading towards the officer's quarters deck, clear on the other side of the ship. An interesting placement.

"I have. I've just cleared them for undock a moment ago. I've left the mobile medical centers downside to maintain a presence, as we will have enough between the Harbinger, Absolution, and ourselves for Brentaal. The rest of our personnel are on their way up."

"Excellent. We'll part ways here. Let me know as soon as you have that information from General Cradam." With that, Kylo left the general to continue on his way and headed back towards his own quarters to finish his work and start his sleep cycle early.

Kylo stood in front of his TIE-Silencer the next morning reviewing the list of all that had been done to it in preparation. A few things he had caught and remedied, as was usual. He could tell they'd taken greater care now that he led the First Order, but one could never be too sure. The systems he had already manually inspected were those most commonly tampered with, and he was pleased when everything checked out. He handed the datapad with the list back to the waiting technician beside him and boarded.

After getting the last bits of information from Cradam and reviewing the plan of attack with him, Zuben, and Hux, the time had finally come for launch. Han had been sure to impart all his piloting skill to his son, and while Kylo had not been the most pleasant student, he had made up for it with skill. Actually, it was the only thing the dead man had ever praised him for, but even negative thoughts could not deter his good mood now.

He reveled in the feeling of being in the pilot's seat after so long, not even wanting to remember the last time he had been in one. The planet's defenses came at them, trying to drive them off, and Kylo wove in and out of their maneuvers to stay out of weapons lock. Both enemy and some Order ships exploded around him and the feeling of being in the thick of it exhilarated him. The thrum of tightly checked rage, bubbling in him and spiking with every skilled enemy fighter, was heady. He executed every unnecessary but satisfying move he could think of as ship after ship foolishly came into weapons range, Kylo destroying them all and searching for more. As he swept fire over a cluster of ships tailing an Order fighter, he heard the world around him lull.

Realizing what was happening, Kylo pulled up sharply and veered away from the concentrated fighting.

Not a moment too soon, he found, for the silence gave way to that uncanny stillness.

Dodging oncoming fire from behind him, he cursed again and spun out of range. If she was visible he couldn't tell, couldn't afford to take his eyes off the battle before him. He heard a gasp and shuffling, but kept his eyes forward.

"Now is not the time." Kylo ground out, seething at the situation as another ship targeted him. He dove towards the planet, then suddenly spun out of the dive to come up behind the enemy ship and fire. Of all the times to have a connection, it just had to be right now.

Her voice came, clear as a bell despite the exploding ship before him, "I don't exactly control this, either. Why are you sitting like that?"

* * *

Author's Note:

Hello all! Just a quick update on some things: I now have a chapter progress tracker of sorts on my profile that I update as I write. So take a look from time to time to see where I'm at with the next chapter. Also, don't forget to review! It lets me know that you are still interested and gives me a boost. I appreciate all the support so far and hopefully, the next chapter won't take as long to edit. From here on out, expect the length of the chapters to be about like this. Thanks again for reading and please review!


	6. Syzygy 6 - Rey

"I understand your hesitation, Rey, I do. But we need something that inspires hope and trust in our cause. Right now, it's all we have to work with."

Rey stared at her lap, where she fidgeted with the hem of her tunic. This made her uncomfortable for so many reasons she could barely name them all. Next to her, Finn's eyes fixed on the ground, apparently just as shocked by their new assignment. The other person in the hut, a smooth-voiced and attractive older man, made a placating gesture.

"Look, no one specifically planned this, sweetheart. It just kind of happened."

Rey rolled her eyes and stared at him, blue clothes and a ridiculous cape to match. "How does this 'just kind of happen'? And why do they think I'm a Jedi?"

"It wasn't a secret you trained with Luke, not after he showed up on Crait and pulled the disappearing act. News got out, people made assumptions." He turned his head towards Leia. "Where is he, anyway? I thought I'd see him when I got here. I've got words for that kid, putting you guys through the wringer the way he did."

Leia cast her eyes downward for a moment and took a breath. "That disappearing act was his final one."

"No…." Dark brown eyes filled with grief and looked about the hut as if searching for a different answer. When he found none, he took a step towards Leia. "Leia, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..."

The general held up a hand and shook her head. "You couldn't have known. It's alright." Then she turned to Rey and Finn. "I'm sorry, Rey. I know you wouldn't want this but it's already done and we have to use everything we've got. If putting you two at every negotiation is the price for allies, then Force help me, I'll pay it. We can't stop fighting. Especially now."

Unable to speak, frustrated as she was, Rey just gave a small bob of her head. Then Finn was saying something she didn't quite hear while his hand caught her elbow and she allowed the comforting touch to guide her out of the hut. Her mind was swimming with thoughts and she didn't know which one to focus on. What was Leia thinking? Did she not remember the last time Rey had played Jedi? Her wayward son had lost his mind, become the new Supreme Leader, and her twin brother had died. Did she really want a repeat performance of Rey's massive failure?

It didn't matter how many allies this friend of Leia's had been able to get on their side if they were only helpful now that they thought a Jedi was involved. People like that could barely even be called allies. Swinging a lightsaber, a whole working one of which she didn't even have anymore, was not going to magically defeat the entire First Order. From what the man who'd arrived with Chewie had said, the Order was taking over entire planets with some suspected new weapon. How could he even have a brand new weapon so soon?

"What are we gonna do?"

That habit of Finn's was absolutely lovable. It was not 'you' or 'I' for Finn, it was 'we', and that made Rey feel a little lighter. Still, she shook her head. "I don't know. I really don't. I can't understand why she thinks this is a good idea."

"Strategically, I understand. If people see us fighting against the Order together, a former trooper and a Jedi, it has a lot of potential to inspire others to join."

Rey threw her hands up. "But I'm not a Jedi, Finn! The days I actually trained with Luke amount to less than a week!" Frustration was making her antsy and she sighed. "I need to walk."

Finn fell in step as she started towards the hill leading up to the Origin Temple, as Rey preferred to call it, and made a placating gesture. "I know, Rey, and I agree with you on that but we can both see the Resistance isn't doing so good right now. There's been nothing implying support from anyone until that Calrissian guy showed up. We don't even have more than one space-capable ship. This mission isn't my top pick but if it gets us allies we have to take it seriously."

"It's not even a mission," Rey scoffed. "Putting our faces on posters and shoving us in negotiation meetings? We should be out helping people, doing something that _matters_."

"I get it, trust me. I don't like that aspect of it, either." His voice was heavy with the same frustration she felt and his hands had started to move as he spoke, "I'm just saying there's more to think about."

"And so I go around and...what, fake it? Pretend so that everyone can put their hope in a big lie?" Her stomach lurched as she recalled that, weeks ago, she'd felt the Jedi Order was just that. While her feelings had subsided greatly, those realizations about the Jedi way still angered her at times.

"Who's faking what now?"

Both Finn and Rey swiveled their heads towards the questioner to find Poe coming from the direction of the temple. He had machine grease on his face and shirt, and as he got closer Rey could see he carried a bunch of clumsily coiled wires.

"Poe. Why are you up here?"

"Oh, nice. Good to see you, too, Rey," he replied, then gestured back at the temple. "I was checking around for you. Need some help with the X-Wing and wasn't sure if you were done with the general yet."

"We just got done," Finn answered for the both of them. "Have you heard the news from Calrissian yet?"

While Poe shook his head, Rey eyed the loop of wire. "What's that for?"

Eyeing the wire in his hand, Poe shrugged. "Well, some things happened with the wing and...it's kind of a two-man job now. But what's going on? Lando doesn't really mean all the flirting, he just likes pretty things. You guys look like your rations were replaced with Porg eggs. "

Rey took the opportunity to snort indelicately and roll her eyes. "They were."

The pilot's elevated eyebrows were answered with Rey gesturing for Finn to relay their meeting, which he did. By the end of his explanation, the three had moved towards the temple since it both blocked the nearly constant wind and provided something to lean on. Poe had his back against the structure and Finn was standing near him while Rey sat cross-legged on the ground, half-heartedly trying to clear her mind in the hope she might find a way out of being a pin-up Jedi for their allies.

"You're not gonna like it, hotshot," Poe started after a few moments of quiet, "but the man has a point."

Rey made an exasperated sound and stared up at him, not bothering to stand. "You can't be serious."

Now it was Finn's turn to make a frustrated sound and Poe dropped to a crouch, his face now level with Rey's. "It's not ideal, negotiations are the opposite of a good time, but if Rey the Jedi and Ex-Stormtrooper Finn can leverage us some solid support — it's not a bad trade."

Rey sighed. "But I'm not Rey the Jedi, Poe. That's the whole problem."

Poe's face became serious and he cocked his head to the side. "Is it?"

Rey let her head fall back against the temple wall and let out another sigh. Finn dropped his hands from his hips and eyed her with concern. "Rey?"

"All right, fine. It's not." She shrugged her shoulders, giving in to the antsy feeling that had invaded her the past few weeks. "It's complicated. I don't know how to explain it."

"Babbling works just fine for us," Poe encouraged.

"I just… I've been having this heavy feeling of 'this is not what I need to be doing' and this thing with Finn and me being figureheads for the Resistance..." she moved her head to look at them both, "...it's making that feeling worse."

Finn's face was thoughtful. "Do you have any idea what you _do_ need to be doing?"

She shook her head. "No. Not really. It's so strong a feeling but nothing specific comes to me. Sitting on my backside in a room while people argue politely with each other is definitely not it. And I don't know if I can pretend to be a Jedi when everything inside me says it's wrong."

"Hey, hotshot?"

Rey turned to Poe and when their eyes met, he continued, "Do you wanna beat the First Order?"

The question was both confusing and a little offensive. Her face hardened as she thought of the galaxy under First Order rule, controlled and enslaved with no one to help them. "You know I do, Poe."

"Do you think we can do that with our current resources?"

Her eyes moved to the ground, understanding what he was getting at but not liking it. "Of course not. I know we need help."

"Then tell Organa you can only do it temporarily. That way, when you figure out whatever it is you need to be doing, you can go do it. As for pretending to be a Jedi...I say don't."

That surprised her. "You just got done telling me to," she pointed out flatly.

Poe waved a hand around dismissively. "What I mean is this: these people will have little to no idea what a real Jedi is. You only need to do what you feel is best."

"Rey," Finn began softly, "he's right. To them it's just a title. They won't know the difference. And don't forget I'll be there, too. You're not going to be alone."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "You're right." Opening them again, she looked at Finn, then Poe. "Ugh, you're both right. Poe, quit grinning about it."

Poe moved his shoulders in a series of shrugs while he kept grinning,."Not often a woman tells me I'm right. I'm enjoying the moment."

Finn stuck out his hand to help her up and she accepted. "I can't promise I'll be good at it." She came to her feet and dusted her behind off with her hands. "I don't even know what I'll be doing."

In a smooth movement, Poe was standing. "Don't worry about that, the general will brief you both."

A sienna hand took Rey's arm and patted it firmly. Finn gave her a nod and one of his infectious smiles. "It's gonna be fine. We'll do it together." He pointed a thumb behind him at the village. "Since fixing starships isn't my thing, I'm gonna go figure out all the new supplies. Can you believe he brought Bama bars?"

"The general likes them," Poe offered, then shoved the wire at Rey as Finn headed back towards the huts. "Let's go, hotshot."

"Why do I have to carry this?" Rey shouldered the jumbled loop and started walking. "You're the reason we need it in the first place. Wings were fine last I checked."

"Well, I spent twenty minutes searching for you so now it's your turn."

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent repairing the X-Wing, which had been renamed 'Blackbird' against her will, and listening to Poe evade saying what exactly had happened with the wing. Rey suspected one of his flashy maneuvers had put too much stress on it and so chastised him about being more careful. Only last week had they gotten it fit enough to fly in-atmosphere. He pretended he didn't know what she was talking about.

All during the rewiring Rey tried and failed to shake the feeling she'd told Poe and Finn about earlier, which was not getting better as she hoped it would. By the time the Blackbird was flight capable again, she was jittery and distracted. It was way past time for her to meditate, so she excused herself and gave Poe one last warning about his recklessness.

Terrified of repeating what happened during her last connection with Kylo Ren, she'd begun taking extra care with herself. Anytime she felt off or she started having darker thoughts than she'd like, Rey would go straight to the Origin Temple and meditate. After talking about it very superficially with Leia, who was convinced Kylo Ren was the cause, the general had agreed this was the best course of action.

So far, no one had interrupted her during meditation nor had they questioned it when she suddenly dropped what she was doing to go to the temple. Because she was there so often and sitting on rock for long stretches was extremely uncomfortable, the temple was now equipped with a blanket and pillow.

Wrapping said blanket around herself, Rey sat atop the rock where Luke first taught her to meditate. Eyes closed, she steadied her breathing and tried her best to reach out for — but not attempt to use — the Force. Thoughts insisted on whirling around her head instead of fading to the background.

She'd never thought about having her face be at the front of anything but her own head. The idea that strangers would decide to join the Resistance because of her face was boggling. Did people really do that? Rey wondered if Finn felt the same, but maybe it was different for him. He had never been allowed a face, and now what the First Order had denied him would be the very thing used against them. Rey imagined he quite liked that idea.

As for herself, faces simply didn't matter on Jakku. No one cared except for off-worlders, whom she had always tried to avoid. Everyone else was too busy surviving to bother with who was who, outside of where someone might keep their stash. Anonymity was how things were done, as commonplace and normal on Jakku as was introducing yourself on other worlds. To have that suddenly be gone would be like showing a stranger your new work site and where you kept your emergency water — totally vulnerable and exposed.

That was only half the reason for her trepidation. The other part was exactly what she'd said to her friends. Rey was not a Jedi, didn't want to be, and had told only two people that fact. If she were found out, and she was certain she would be, how would people react to her? Would they be angry and distrustful? Would Leia lose faith in her, thinking she was going down the same path as Kylo Ren? How would Chewie feel? Would he still welcome her as the new pilot of the Falcon?

The male Wookiee was such lovely companionship, though he wasn't around often anymore. No one was allowed to pilot the Falcon without him and Leia left it to him to dictate. Rey had found in Chewie someone she could look up to in many ways; his abilities were legendary and never coupled with bravado or arrogance. Chewie simply did or did not and that was all, something Rey found very comforting. She wasn't the best at social cues or interacting with other people, but with the Falcon co-pilot everything was so genuine and simple in a way that made her deeply at peace around him. It was daunting to think she could lose that kinship.

Rey let her thoughts tumble around freely in her head; it was the Jedi who taught that emptiness was the key. She wasn't a Jedi and had stopped depending solely on their texts. To find her own path she needed the Force to guide her instead of her trying to guide the Force. This method worked well for her, and only a few times had she gotten carried away but stopped herself from getting too far off-balance.

Sometimes, however, straying from the balance in order to gain certain insights was necessary. Like Finn had said a while ago, there was light and dark in everything; nothing was wrong with either of them if used in moderation. Rey felt strongly that listening to everything the Force had to show her was vital — even if that was something dark or frightening like the cave. A dark and lonely experience, definitely, but it had been important for her to see.

Careful not to pull at the Force, a mistake she'd learned to avoid, Rey opened her mind as much as possible and the Force responded, flooding her with a warmth and unparalleled sense of equilibrium she only found like this. With the pleasant sensation settled within her like a baby porg in its nest, she turned her mind to this morning's situation, trusting her thoughts would reflect the balance she now felt.

Poe was right. She didn't have to adhere to the strictures of the Jedi while she carried out whatever duties Leia had in mind. There was no reason to pretend anything and she would not be required to lie about being something she was not. Even if asked to, she would simply refuse. Not once had she professed to be a Jedi herself and could decide when silence was the proper response to certain questions. She herself had been drawn to the idea of _Jedi Master_ Luke so she had no reason to find fault if others did the same, even if they were jumping to conclusions.

Telling Chewie everything ought to be fine if she began feeling deceitful towards him, and Rey figured she might. He had never shown himself to be unreasonable so there was no cause to believe he would suddenly start now. As for Leia, she either would understand or wouldn't and Rey could do naught about it either way. It would be out of her hands. Very little it would matter if others realized she was not a Jedi since she wasn't going to lead them to believe she was, and by that time their allies would be too involved in the Resistance to back out.

As for her precious anonymity, those same allies had obviously already seen her and so had the First Order so the point was moot. From the moment she left Jakku, that same face had been seen countless times and was probably already recognized by some. If who Rey was could help others feel brave enough to fight against tyranny, then her invisibility had come to its end for a good purpose.

Finn, always supporting her, was right that things would turn out fine. Leia would not simply throw her to the rancors, and Finn would be going through it all with her. All of her friends would be working together because that's what friends did. She wouldn't be alone. With her mind and heart both at ease, Rey opened her eyes and gazed out over the water.

The view from here was probably the very reason the rock was placed, if not naturally formed, here. Waves crashed against the cliff-side below and the breeze coming off the water was invigorating. She had thought Takodana spectacular, but a whole planet of water? The blue, ever tossing Ahch-To was beautiful to Rey in a different way than the lush green of Takodana. All her life Rey had scraped and slaved away under a hot sun for only days worth of water. Now she sat on a planet where she saw nothing but water for miles and it fell from the sky pure and so wonderful. She smiled just thinking about it.

Slowly, that smile faded from her face as the breaking waves got quieter and her surroundings stilled in that eerie way which signaled only one thing. Her heart leapt in her chest and she became acutely aware of its every thudding beat against her ribs. Excitement and anticipation raced through her veins like fire and she didn't try to stop it at all. Unfortunately, the excitement was well tinged with nervousness and something else she couldn't put a name to.

His form coalesced next to her as if he were sitting on the ground to her left. As the profile of his face, with the scar she'd left him, came into view her breath caught in her throat and she shifted uncomfortably. She didn't exactly feel ready to face him after the complete mess she had been last time and she mentally sought the Force's balance to relax. The look on his face was pure and lethal concentration, but somehow she knew he had detected their connection.

"Now is not the time," he bit out between gritted teeth as his hands moved, his left as if he were directing something and the other more randomly.

"I don't exactly control this, either," she replied calmly, still filled with the Force in perfect balance. "Why are you sitting like that?"

"I am busy."

"I can't leave any more than you can." She studied his form and realized what his position and movements meant. "You're flying."

"Am I?" he questioned, hands moving less quickly but the left always extremely controlled. The right hand, which had been making adjustments before, took up the same position as his left, and Rey knew for certain she was correct. Kylo was piloting a ship.

A sense of alarm seized her as thoughts of what his flying could mean. What was the First Order doing? Were they attacking some poor planet with their new weapon? Questions filled her mind but as quick as they came, so did reasonable answers to them. Regardless of what the Order was doing, she was in no position to lift a finger to stop it and Kylo Ren in a fighter was not likely the new weapon. Rey sighed softly and focused on how her body hummed with the Force, deciding to get as much information as she could from this situation.

"Where are you?"

For the first time since the connection began, he glanced at her. It was quick but deep brown eyes seemed to examine her from head to toe. "In a ship."

Although the intense glance made her feel awkward, she changed her position to face him fully. "So I was right, then. Who are you attacking?"

"I never said I was attacking," he quipped.

Rey almost smiled but managed to wrangle it down to a smirk. "I can see your fingers move. You aren't firing at nothing."

Suddenly he tensed and, from what Rey could tell, pulled his ship up sharply and to his right. She felt her own body tense in response and lean towards him. Though she stopped herself, it wasn't fast enough to escape his notice. He sent a curious glance her way before returning attention to his controls and Rey wished she could see what was going on around him. Much like the fish she had seen darting around near the beach, a memory shot to the fore of her thoughts.

Strong arms had surrounded her, carrying her more gently than any other touch she could recall. Both his body against her and the warm water from his side of the connection had gotten through to her somehow. Remembering made her suck in air and pull the blanket tighter around herself, her skin recalling it too well for her taste.

"Is it always cold there?"

Rey studied him. His voice had been strained as if asking was uncomfortable and he resolutely refused to look at her. Embarrassment wanted to well up in her, but she softly nudged it away. Most likely he was trying to get information on where she was, but answering his question honestly would give him very little to use.

"A little," she answered. Then, after a pause, she asked, "Why are you fighting?"

Her question seemed to elicit a response; he stiffened and she didn't think it had to do with piloting. "For peace."

That was not the answer she had expected at all. Is that what he thought he was doing? Had he really lost his mind on the Supremacy? Had Snoke done something, as he died, to him? Rey shuddered. Any thoughts regarding that horrible day might disrupt her balance if they were to take root, so she let them come and made sure they continued on out of her mind with no further attention.

Rey was very aware she was still allowing herself to be filled with the Force and it was helping her maintain composure. After last time, she needed the extra confidence that serenity provided and this balance could be lost if she wasn't careful. Here was another chance to try, to find something she could grasp onto and begin to understand him. To help him.

Pressure and heat swelled up through her so suddenly she let out a surprised noise and pressed a hand over her chest. It was back, that ridiculous pull to aid the man before her, beg him to just let her help him heal. The pressure became a wave crashing against her as fully and encompassing as the waves crashed into the cliff she sat on; the yearning to take away his hurts. Too scared to lose the precious balance she held if she were to try to fight it, Rey let it happen.

As it rolled and pulsed through her midsection like a serpent, she shut her eyes against the sensation before remembering she wasn't alone. Her eyes snapped up to see if he had noticed and found herself frozen in the gaze he had settled upon her. Within a second, it was gone, but she had felt the raw concern as if it were in the air she breathed. That startled her almost more than his answer had.

Gathering herself and reaching only barely to the Force, still balanced, she wrapped herself in it. Now was not the time to be dealing with this recurring feeling and it was surprising she was at all. During her meditations, when she carried the Force's balance like this, any emotions leaning too far in one direction were usually equalized. Pushing it from her mind as best she could, Rey continued in what she set out to do during their connection. Information.

"Is that true?" she asked.

A curt nod was his response before making another forceful movement with his ship. Before she realized what she was doing, Rey was standing.

The suddenness of the move indicated he was trying to get out of a line of fire and her eyes tracked every flick of his fingers and roll of wrist, watching as he flipped his fighter up and backward into a nosedive. His face was again a mask of deadly focus and Rey kept silent, not wanting to risk breaking that.

Time stretched on and he made no motion to pull up. Had he been in the upper atmosphere and that was why the dive was continuing? Nervousness poured over her like she was doused with it, as even more valuable seconds ticked by, and she couldn't reason it away because it wasn't exactly reasonable in the first place. He was a grown man and an excellent pilot, she was certain, so surely he knew what he was doing. Yet, the anxiety gnawing at her rose steadily until it bubbled over completely.

"Pull up."

The words had tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them and the feeling that still pulsed in her gut, to save him, grew stronger.

He gave no indication of having heard her, and the dive persisted. A stab of panic tore through Rey like a lightsaber and she called his name just as he finally pulled out of the maneuver and steadied the fighter.

For her, though, it was too late.

Rey felt the balance that had so suffused her tilt and spill into a jumble. Cursing, she tried to regain it but there was no use. The Force came to her but didn't resonate in her body like a humming vibration, instead only filling her with a sense of power and vague purpose. Disappointment swept over her heavily and Rey lowered to the ground with her back against the rock she'd sat upon a few minutes earlier. Again, she felt eyes on her with such obvious question in them that she gave an answer before thinking about it.

"I lost the balance." Then she was irritated at him for pulling what was surely an unnecessarily dangerous stunt. "You could've died."

"I didn't."

"You're worse than Poe." When his expression tightened at her remark, she scoffed, "Oh, please, the galaxy can have more than one good pilot."

"You admit I'm a good pilot."

"You could be awful for all I know. I can't see anything, remember? Not unless…."

From his earpiece came garbled noise she couldn't make out, but apparently he could. "This is Prime Leader. Phase one complete." The noise came again, shorter, and he seemed irritated. "Not yet…. Not. Yet. General. Prime Leader out."

"Where are you?"

"Feel free to go first." The battle seemed to be over with, as he was taking his ship up, likely back into space.

"I know you have a new weapon you've been using to take over planets," Rey blurted. She mentally cursed her bad habit.

"Have I? Where did I get this weapon?"

"Likely the same place you got Starkiller," she muttered, frustration building. Why couldn't he just see reason? Unwilling to let him respond just yet, she forged ahead, "When are you going to realize this isn't the way? It didn't work for the Empire or Snoke, and it's not going to work for you."

"Tell me what will work," he demanded suddenly. "What is this magical way to peace?"

Rey blinked. Many things were not going the way she expected them to today and they were making her tired. The only thing she could think of was what Leia had always spoken of. Surely that had worked better than what the First Order was doing.

"A properly run repub—"

"No."

"You didn't let me fin—"

"A republic. Right? Like the New Republic? The old one? Maybe another new one? What _is_ that woman telling you?"

Rey bristled. "No one needs to tell me people should get a say in what happens to them instead of being lorded over by power-hungry madmen."

His hands moved over his controls and then stopped before he turned to her. "What do you think was going on in the New Republic? The people were being heard?"

"They weren't being slaughtered by the planetful. Peaceful negotiation takes time but it's better than blowing up star systems, your Supreme Leadership."

The side of his face bearing the scar twitched and she thought she might have struck a nerve but he spoke again, "What happens when those negotiations don't work?"

Rey didn't have an answer for him because she honestly didn't know. She grew up on Jakku, not Coruscant. What did a desert brat need to know about the Senate for?

When he saw her hesitance, he pressed the advantage. "What happens to the people _actually suffering_ while senators sit in their temperature-controlled meeting rooms with a catered lunch?" Rey had nothing to say, which was just as well because he kept going. "A robber shoots a man while a security force officer watches. Which is a criminal?"

"Both."

"Yes. Now, who will punish the security force officer? His peers, who have become his friends? His superiors, who would lose face and position?" He shook his head. "No, someone else has to."

"That is not the same, that's not what you're doing."

"You're right. I am saving the man in the first place by getting rid of both criminals."

"It's wrong, it shouldn't be up to only you. Why can't you see that?" Rey knew her voice had a pleading note and she wasn't proud of that, but at least he was talking to her and explaining why he thought the way he did, even if she didn't agree. That gnawing drive which always invaded her when it came to him was being slightly relieved. Maybe there was actual hope of reaching him.

"Then who?"

"Someone who knows what they're doing. Someone with experience."

He looked at her with something akin to disappointment before he said, "Ask the Stormtrooper about his visit to Canto Bight. That's where the experienced go for fun."

"Not all of them. They're not all monsters." Rey was already aware of the travesty Canto Bight was. Finn explained in detail how ashamed he had been at his own excitement when he'd realized the truth of the place.

"You're right. But I'll tell you where none of them go: anywhere that needs it. Jakku. Tatooine. Name a planet whose people slave just to survive, and you can bet most of your senators have never set foot on it."

"That's not true, Leia has been to many —"

"That woman is not a senator."

"There are so many other ways to do this! How can —"

"This is the only way that works!"

Her jaw snapped closed and she stared at him. She felt so close, so incredibly close, to something important that she forced herself to say nothing even as dozens of retorts came to mind. She could tell from his appearance he was tired, even though the chocolate eyes staring intently at her were electrified with severity. Part of her could even feel that severeness as well, just a little, and Rey assumed it had something to do with the connection.

"Billions suffer needlessly while bureaucrats hide behind paperwork and self-interest." He lifted his chin slightly. "You have seen so little of the galaxy and yet you stick to these foolish ideals that are not even your own. How deeply did you care about the Republic while you were starving in the desert? I saw it in your mind. Who came to help you during the storm, when you ran out of water?"

"Don't," she snapped. "You don't know anything other than what you stole."

"I know enough," he snarled.

Rey gasped, the unexpectedness of the onslaught leaving her completely vulnerable, and images began to fill her head along with an aching tension:

 _The first thing she registered was the smell, a stagnant and rotting scent tinged with a sweetness that made her stomach churn. On the dirt road ahead of her, a woman whose flesh was riddled with gaping sores held a bundle of rags to her breast as she sobbed; a small arm with the same affliction hung limply from the filthy fabric._

 _Suddenly her vision was filled with dozens of people bound in chains, many with fresh wounds still bleeding, being forced onto a ship by armed guards who shocked them with sticks. Some of them fell from either the shocks or their wounds and guards grabbed whatever was nearest, limb or clothing, to drag them onward. Her body moved on its own but was forcibly held back, a desperate voice rasping in her ear, "Stop! You want to be next, kid?"_

 _Then she was cold and running with a group_ along _a wall when it exploded. Ears ringing and vision blurry, her body pushed itself to its feet sluggishly. As she slowly stood, her eyesight cleared a bit and she saw the ones who had been ahead of her half-buried under the stones, bodies crushed. From behind her, she was grabbed and pulled onward despite her body struggling weakly to move towards the rubble._

 _Heavy double doors opened to reveal a large room crammed with dozens upon dozens of bodies on makeshift pallets, only a quarter of them moving and all of them badly burned. It was humid and the air carried a putrid scent. The cries of the living filled her ears, as did an admonition to work fast and quietly. At the first bed, her body knelt and felt for the pulse of the man lying there but there was none. Her body moved on to the next._

 _She stood in a field, the sun on her face. A young boy with blond curls was running and laughing, waving a stick in the air as he spun around, pointing at her with a huge smile on his face. That image vanished and in the next scene she was holding him as the grass-green eyes stared lifelessly upward — blood trickled from his nose and he was covered in dirt. Distantly, she heard someone crying._

"Stop," she rasped, tears tracking down her face. "Please stop."

The images vanished, leaving the ache only slightly lessened, and Rey took a moment to steady herself. He had shown her his own memories — there could be no other explanation for the vividness of sight, sound, feel, even smell. That the fact pained her was silly; there was no way for her to know he hadn't done all those things himself. He was Kylo Ren, a monster who had just violated her mind and had willingly worked for the creature Snoke for who knows how long.

"Why?"

For a moment, he didn't answer. Instead, he peered at her for an uncomfortable amount of time before saying, "I showed you the man being shot. This is what the Republic lets happen to its people."

"How are you any different? Who knows how many you've murdered." Just how much she wanted him to give her a real answer almost took her breath away. She desperately needed to know which he wanted to be: monster or man.

"Hypocrisy is unbecoming a Jedi. Do you know how many died on Starkiller?" Another question she didn't have an answer for, but he already knew that. He moved to gaze straight ahead and tilted his head back against whatever served as a headrest. "Now is not the time for your idealism and naiveté to cloud your ability to judge the criminal. Such mercy will have to wait."

Rey felt the Force around her change subtly and knew the connection would start fading at any moment. Glancing at him told her he also felt it, as his body straightened and she felt him using the Force for something but could not tell what. Anxiety started to drip steadily over her nerves and she shrugged it off.

Urgent to know what he'd shown her before the connection ended, she asked, "Those memories. Where are they from?"

Seeing him in profile gave her a very clear view of the scar running down his face and she felt the rush of shame that always came with being confronted by it. Turning to her, his eyes flicked over her form. The connection was fading and she feared it would dissipate completely before his answer. Their eyes met and she could have sworn he was seeing something else. Then his expression became blank and he broke eye contact.

The voice that came from him was so laden with a resigned sense of loss that her chest squeezed.

"Another life."

As the connection broke away, a sensation rippled through her that she had not felt when they'd disconnected before. Rey told herself the tears running down her face were still from the things he had pushed into her mind. Each one of them she could see perfectly even now, with all the sensory details as if they were her own memories. How old had he been when those things happened? She wanted him to come back, to ask him more questions. Yet, these tears were not for things she'd been shown, which had never happened to her.

This time, as the Force closed the connection, it had felt like a severing. Now an emptiness was creeping in and she was desperate to stave it off somehow. Part of her wanted to sit where she was and cry but the bigger part pushed herself up and turned to look out over the cliff again, wiping her face with the blanket.

Connecting with him always left a sense of confusion but she did not like the implications of this new emptiness she felt. What had he meant by his last words? Perhaps his life before he became Kylo Ren, a twisted creature created by yet another twisted creature. Rey thanked all the stars in the galaxy that Snoke was gone and she was not distressed that the dark pilot had done the deed.

Obviously Rey had not been able to, for all she had been willing and wanting to. Yet, wasn't it wrong to want to kill someone regardless of why? Was it not for vengeance she had wanted to? At that moment, watching carrier after carrier of Resistance fighters be destroyed, she had definitely been overcome by a desire to have that horrendous filth gone. Kylo Ren had granted that wish.

True, he had abandoned their cobbled partnership only a handful of minutes later but it didn't negate what he had done. Then again, she couldn't gloss over the fact he had now taken the mantle of Supreme Leader himself. Was it really for peace he was doing all this? Rey wanted to believe that was true, that he was just horribly misguided on how to go about it properly. With how long he had been under Snoke's grasp, perhaps he truly knew no better anymore.

The things he had said, though spoken from a brutal mentality, were things she needed to think about. Many times she had thought similar things, especially on Jakku where there had been no one to help and everyone to take advantage. Things she heard during her time with the Resistance also struck her as odd and she couldn't ignore the disparity between how people lived. In that sense, Kylo Ren was right. Something needed to be done to bring balance to the galaxy.

But she knew using his methods wasn't the right way. If she could only get him to see that, to see from a different point of view than his own. Sorrow sang softly in her body and she closed her eyes against it. Kylo Ren had never felt the balance she had, could not have if this was what he thought was correct. She wondered again what would happen to him, what could happen for him, if he were able to feel the Force as she did.

He didn't need to be on the light side and everyone, including herself, who thought so had been wrong. Nor was he safe in the darkness; both were unhealthy for him. That had to be the answer here. Rey had no idea how she would go about it but knew it needed to be done. The only way for this situation, perhaps even this hateful war, to end was for Kylo Ren to finally come into balance.

The sorrow morphed steadily into a crescendo of conviction. The feeling that filled her every time that insufferable man came into the picture, the oppressive longing to ameliorate, was no longer upon her like an unbearable burden. Instead, it had lightened and she immediately felt that this was part of what the Force was trying to tell her. Months of feeling uneasy about what she was doing, like there was something more she needed to be accomplishing, and this had been part of the answer? Something to do with _him_?

Shaking her head, Rey began the process of meditation and this time there were no intrusions of people who would put her off-kilter. After a long while of sifting through her own thoughts and emotions, making sense of herself, she felt renewed. It was unthinkable the Jedi had not written anything about meditating this way, letting the Force guide one's mind, instead of the reverse their books taught.

Either way, she had the knowledge now and that was more than good enough. Energized after her meditation, she found it was now late afternoon. Time felt different when she meditated and she often found that even that wasn't consistent. Sometimes a short period of time passed, others a long period, and she hadn't found anything that signaled either.

After putting the blanket away, time's odd passage during meditation another reason she kept it handy, she checked on Poe. He was no longer working on the Blackbird, but was very involved in a conversation with Kaydel. Rey very carefully slunk back the way she came, unwilling to interrupt a conversation that had likely been a long time coming. She only hoped the outcome of it would make them both happy. Rey admired Kaydel a great deal, working so hard for the resistance. However, right now she needed to focus on other things.

During her meditation, she had concluded the only way she would even have a chance of bringing that man into balance was if she knew more. And not just more, Rey needed to know everything she could about him. In the end, that only meant one thing: she would need to have a conversation with Leia.

Rey wasn't averse to that but nor was it something she was looking forward to. Leia was everything a leader needed to be, but she had faults. One of those was, in Rey's opinion, how she treated the subject of her son. While not many knew who exactly Kylo Ren was, her and Han's son, the woman kept a lid on her emotions even to those who did. Every so often Rey could feel inklings of them through the Force, but she was sure that if she ever let that on, Leia would stamp it out immediately.

Rey saw no shame in the love Leia had for her firstborn, her only child, even if that love was slashed through with disgust and lost hope. Very likely, going to Leia to ask about the man Kylo Ren used to be could have a negative effect on their relationship, but the possible gain outweighed all else. She would just have to explain how important this was and somehow get the formidable general to agree.

As she neared the hut Leia occupied Rey noticed the door had been replaced, as formerly it was part of the X-wing. She steeled herself and gave a good knock. Receiving a positive reply from inside, she opened the door and saw Leia sitting at a small table with Calrissian, both with cups of tea and he with a datapad in his hand. They both looked up, but surprisingly it was Calrissian who spoke first.

"Hey, sweetheart, I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to upset you, I'm just the messenger here. No hard feelings?"

Rey halted, surprised that the man would even think to apologize. None of it was actually his fault and Rey understood he was only using an opportunity to help Leia. She shook her head. "No. No hard feelings."

"And here I thought I was 'sweetheart'," Leia commented dryly with a quirk of her mouth.

Calrissian leaned back and cocked his head up a fraction. "Now, you know everyone is my sweetheart," he drawled.

Ignoring him, Leia turned to Rey fully. "What is it, Rey?"

Rey took a breath and decided to plow ahead with it. "I need to talk to you about something."

Picking up the cue, Calrissian rose to his feet and set both datapad and tea down. "Looks like I need to make myself scarce." He headed for the door but paused as he was about to pass Rey. "You know...I've got some holographers back at Bespin. With eyes like that, I have no doubt we could have the entire galaxy —"

"Lando," Leia interrupted, voice long-suffering.

The man put his hands up in surrender and resumed his exit. "All right, all right."

Shaking her head, the general let out a small laugh while she gestured for Rey to sit. "That man just doesn't change."

Settling onto the stool Calrissian had just vacated, Rey put his half-drunk tea aside. "Is that a good thing?"

Leia shrugged and nodded. "For the most part, yes. He's still a scoundrel, though." Then she turned her attention to Rey. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I need to know about Ben," Rey said bluntly. It was better she got to the point instead of wasting the general's time.

Across from her, the older woman's shoulders sagged and she dropped her eyes to the table top. "You mean Kylo Ren."

Rey shook her head. "No, I mean Ben. I already know about Kylo Ren, who he is now. I need to know about who he was before."

"I don't know that's such a good idea, Rey. That person...he's just as dead as Han."

The words struck Rey like a piece of shrapnel, but she refocused on the importance of her task. "Even so. If I'm going to fight him, if I'm going to win, I _need_ to know everything. From start to finish. The more I know, the better prepared I am…." she trailed off purposefully.

Rey could tell Leia was thinking so she remained silent until the woman spoke. "I understand. You're right, I just... No, you're right." Leia straightened on her stool and sighed, looking up to study Rey's face and then out the window as she began, "Ben was a quiet boy. He liked to observe how things worked. Smart as a tack but he had trouble expressing himself out loud. It caused a lot of frustration."

Kylo Ren still had that problem, it seemed, and Rey nodded. She could tell this was hard for Leia, but Rey could feel acutely how vital it was she understand who he was. He had told her he'd had another life and Rey was going to find out what that life was. Part of it would hold the key to guiding him onto the right path and ending this conflict, so Rey waited patiently for Leia to continue. After a long pause, Leia did.

"I think I knew, even then. No...earlier, when he was a baby, that something was wrong. That there was…." She trailed off and was quiet for a bit. Then suddenly, she shook her head and took a breath as if clearing something from her mind. "Anyway. He had these, if you can believe it," she chuckled, "notebooks. Dozens of them, all filled with drawings and calligraphed notes about the plants and animals of every planet we went to."

Leia's eyes suddenly lit up, and she pointed a thoughtful finger at Rey. "When he was about ten, I think, there was one time he'd forgotten to bring one. I was attending a meeting on Devaron and he was beside himself with excitement at exploring the place. Oh, the fit he pitched when he realized...priceless. One of my aides —"

The door to the hut flew open revealing a winded communications officer. "Sorry to interrupt, General, but we just received communication from Barkhesh."

"Barkhesh? All right, I'll be there in a moment." After the officer left, Leia reached over and squeezed Rey's hand. "I'm sorry to cut this short, Rey. Here, take this."

Rey watched with confusion as Leia took off her dual blue stone ring and pressed on one of the stones. The blue orb went down just a bit and then its setting popped up to reveal a small black dot, which Leia took out and handed to Rey. Rey looked down at it and then back up at Leia, questioningly.

"It's a datadot. The Falcon has the necessary reader, just ask Chewie. I hope it has what you need."

Moments later found Rey alone in the hut and staring down at the little dark circle in the center of her palm. This was supposed to make her feel better about their conversation being cut short? She sighed with dismay and decided to see what was on the thing, hoping it had more information than their whole three minutes of talking gave her.

The Falcon was in the same place as always, the exact spot she'd landed the first time she came here. Chewie was there, unsurprisingly, and she was glad to see him despite his sour mood — apparently, something had malfunctioned on the way back to Ahch-To. He told her where the reader was and to go on when she asked if he needed help. Usually, she would have pressed the issue to help but right now she was rife with anticipation.

She found the reader in the storage container Chewie indicated. The reader was an interesting looking thing, but she figured out how to insert the datadot easily enough. Its screen popped up a short list of topics to choose from. Scanning the list, she opened the topic entitled 'Family' to find a much shorter list of subtopics: seven items, all names. Two of the names she recognized immediately as Leia's brother and her husband but the others were completely foreign. At the bottom of the list was another name, one she didn't recognize, and she moved to shut the reader off in a snit of disappointment. As her fingers came to the power button, Rey's eyes were drawn to the name again.

"Benrian Bail Anakin Organa…." she muttered to herself, feeling out the sound.

On impulse, she opened the subtopic and the list of files in it went on and on down the screen. Rey opened the first one to find it was a birth record confirming what she'd sensed. It was him.

There could be no mistake with Leia and Han listed as the parents. She'd only ever heard him referred to as Ben, and assumed he had carried Han's surname. But with Leia being a princess and the last surviving member of her family, it made sense she would want her son given that family name.

Rey went back to the list of files and began going down the list, reading the shorter ones and scanning the longer files. Everything was here: medical files, school records, and official biography — even personal correspondence between him and his family. The meaning of it made Rey's eyes water. Leia had to have compiled this herself, gathering everything she possibly could find about her lost son.

Personally, Rey had no idea what it truly meant to lose blood family. She did not even have the luxury of remembering who had abandoned her, but she could imagine. She could picture a devastated Leia searching through databases and archives for any piece left behind, like a disaster survivor picking through the wreckage for their loved one.

Adamant that she not get sidetracked by silly emotions, Rey wiped her eyes a little harsher than necessary and got back to work. Going through all this was going to take a long time, and she was determined to go through _all_ of it. There had to be something here that could help her, something that would provide some sort of leverage for the task ahead of her. With Luke before, and again with Finn and Poe, she had complained of not knowing her place in all this or what her purpose was. That was no longer the case: she knew what her purpose was now.

Rey would guide the man once known as Benrian Organa into the balance he so desperately needed — whether he liked it or not.

* * *

A.N.: Thank you all for your reviews, they really help!


	7. Syzygy 7 - Kylo Ren

The Finalizer was remaining in Brentaal's orbit for roughly the same reasons they had done so at Ralltiir, to be witnessed assisting with cleanup and to ensure treaty stipulations were adhered to. Kylo had commanded the treaty signing be as public as possible, with no Order personnel in view so none could say the act had been forced. Coerced, yes, but coercion was a far cry from outright subjugation; blandly dominating through force was no longer the way to lead. Doing so would turn any moment of weakness in the Order's forces into an invitation for revolt.

Disagreements were unavoidable and expected, but a foreign military occupation gave unnecessary credence to such complaints. If instead, one's own leaders allied their forces with said foreign power for the good of the people, that was just politics. Those who would raise a fuss in that situation could be easily dismissed, and employing a government's existing laws legitimized the process, binding them for as long as the treaty parties existed.

Hux, Zuben, Prentys, and Kylo himself had crafted the treaty to leave no loopholes. Every planet that signed became a federated state recognizing the First Order as their sovereign authority, and backing out carried dire consequences. The majority of a planet's governing methods remained, except where those methods contradicted the First Order's, in which case Order statutes took precedence. Among the requirements included the designation of a single representative for the planet, if there was not one already in place, and the construction of First Order bases and facilities for mandatory education.

Kylo refused to precipitate another regime which denied its citizens equal opportunity for advancement. An uneducated populace deprived the galaxy of potentially valuable assets and stagnated progress. Still, he understood that establishing a permanent military presence on each world was vital. Base facilities were to be built first, and the schools would come after.

At their surrender, the noble houses of Brentaal were instructed to appoint three advisors for their chosen representative, a practice now standard for planets with a similar ruling structure as it improved planetside morale and efficient decision making. The houses had nominated Erzin Cormond as representative, a reasonable and mature man who passionately protested using slave labor to build the First Order base.

This was news to Kylo, who'd been under the impression that utilizing enslaved workforces had already been discontinued under Snoke. Prentys carefully verified that Cormond's concern was, indeed, warranted. Though definitely irate, Kylo was not shocked he'd been lied to by his former master. What was shocking was this hadn't come to light before now, as Brentaal was surely not the only society rejecting the practice. Cormond's demeanor eased after Kylo stated he would issue a formal edict banning all slavery in First Order territories, and the talks proceeded smoothly.

When Kylo returned to the Finalizer the next morning he convened another little meeting of his generals, before Prentys' scheduled late-morning departure, and made good on his word to Cormond. Generals Zuben and Lohne disappointed him by arguing against such a decree, insisting slave workforces made construction simpler and faster. Kylo suspected it was more than that, as he caught Hux's narrowed eyes directed at the two. Nevertheless, Kylo reminded them one's continued well-being was a direct result of one's obedience, then found Hux on their way out.

"I want the treaty amended to include this: selling any sentient individual, against their will or not, is slavery. This includes parents selling their own children. They can leave unwanted children at an officially recognized orphanage."

A low-ranking officer nervously approaching made Kylo pause. She cautiously sidled up to Hux and handed him a datapad, doing a poor job of trying not to look at Kylo. The general scanned the document quickly and authorized it before handing the pad back. As soon as the device was in the officer's hands, she fled.

"Watching them run away from you used to be amusing," the general remarked absently. Blue eyes blinked and Hux shook his head, motioning for Kylo to continue. "Apologies."

Unsure of what to make of that statement, Kylo went on. "If a child is not spoken for within a standard year of being orphaned, they become wards of the First Order. This is to be retroactive, going back at least five will be housed and educated in our facilities to be recruited upon completion of basic studies."

"While that does take care of our current recruiting needs, the ages of such children coming into the program poses a problem."

His mouth threatened to give way to a smirk, but Kylo busied it with speaking as he resumed walking. "Afraid of the older children?"

In a voice that was doing its best to leave out any snark, Hux responded, "Of course not, but the Stormtrooper program is designed to begin at a very young age."

"Then put them to other uses, Hux. I am not the leader of a slave ring, nor will I turn out children to die in the streets of Order territories."

"Point taken. I will set things in motion later this afternoon."

"Good. Regarding the Stormtroopers, did you notice the reactions to them on Brentaal?"

"If you mean of the civilians, yes. It's a common reaction."

Kylo had been thinking of this for days, ever since the battle had ended and troopers had been stationed planetside. Civilian reactions were heavily colored by their memories of the Empire remnant's involvement in Brentaal affairs. It didn't take a mind reader to figure that out, though he was and had, and the issue needed to be dealt with if the First Order was going to continue adding planets to their federation. Before, Kylo had said he would not repeat the mistakes of the Empire and he would hold to that.

"It is unacceptable," he stated. "Modify the appearance; my men are not Imperial soldiers."

Hux's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "Of the uniforms? But —"

Waving a gloved hand, Kylo cut him off before he could complain. "I realize the inconvenience, General. Spray paint them if you have to. Get it done."

"Spray pa— I understand your reasoning, my Lord, but with less than a week before we reach Corellia, such a wide scale change is just not possible."

"Then it is fortunate I am not ordering it done by Corellia. I want an obvious difference in time for their deployment on Coruscant. Reminding every Coruscanti of Level Three-two-zero-four will have us wasting time with civilian resistance."

This time not attempting to keep the snark out of his voice at all, Hux asked, "Is there any particular _color_ you would prefer?"

When Kylo only stared at him unappreciatively, Hux sighed. "Yes, my Lord."

He could tell the redhead wanted to argue with him, but would not do so within earshot of anyone else. They'd had that conversation long ago. Kylo didn't mind Hux's disagreements; the man was awarded a good deal of leeway due to their much-improved working relationship and he often had a good point, but Kylo refused to be disputed in front of subordinates. Hux liked that stipulation as much as he seemed to like the notion of modifying the trooper uniforms, but Kylo knew he would be obeyed regardless.

Another unfamiliar officer fell in step beside Hux and informed the general his attention was needed immediately. At Hux's angry reply that he was obviously busy, the officer began to speak in hushed tones. A pointless precaution, as Kylo was able to hear perfectly well that the woman Hux had brought aboard was insisting she be allowed groundside to aid the hospitals. The general was adamant she not be allowed to undock nor board any vessel and hastily excused himself from Kylo's presence.

As Hux headed to an adjacent corridor, Kylo tested his mind. Worry, frustration, and an interesting tinge of panic tangled in Hux's head. Kylo was able to garner only a vague fear of some specific thing happening, but what that thing was remained murky, and deeper probing would alert the general his mind was being tampered with. For some reason, the older man was more sensitive to such intrusions than the other generals.

On returning to his office following a blessedly uneventful lunch in his quarters, Kylo spent some time going over Hux's complete records. It took some effort to get past the handful of sealed files pertaining to what would have been a court case, but doing so proved to be worthwhile. He found that the pale alien woman was most definitely not a mere acquaintance. A more apt description would be personal physician, psychiatrist, and advocate who was directly responsible for Hux's release from a facility on Merisee. An asylum, to be exact, known for dealing with difficult cases. More interesting was Hux's release, which took place after staying over a year on the very ship docked in the Finalizer's hangar.

Hux's sealed files contained roughly the same story as the public files, but were far more in depth and included supplementary documents. The extra information confirmed Kylo's belief that Hux had been sent away, not for real treatment, but to be gotten out of the way for his father's benefit. Brendol Hux had his son tossed into a hospital on Naboo, the only facility listed in the general records, and then abandoned him once the scandal died down. Only after the youth actually showed, or perhaps developed, signs of true mental affliction did anyone pay attention to him again. Even then, the doctors' attention had only gone so far as to transfer the violently disruptive patient to Merisee Asylum.

Apparently, young Hux had begun assaulting anyone who got within range, resulting in the Naboo facility declaring him criminally insane. At Merisee, his penchant for escaping to cause as much chaos as possible before capture led to his being kept under near-constant sedation. A plethora of images documented the damage Hux caused and Kylo would be impressed had it not been the work of a clearly disorganized mind. Hux's list of offenses was staggering when compared to the polished and tightly controlled figure the man cut going about his duties now, the man Kylo had meetings with almost daily.

This Lady Airmeneia — the documents used both medical and formal titles for her — had stepped in where the Merisee staff had given up. She examined Hux, though how was a mystery and there was no log of the actual examination, then immediately requested total custody of his treatment. Despite zero records identifying her as a staff member of any kind, she was given full authority over her patient. Kylo could recall no precedent to this sort of decision in any medical facility, the giving away of a patient to such a person. Yet, the transfer had been made legal through obscure and archaic, though apparently still valid, routes. She and Hux had stayed on the Northao, that ship she didn't want anyone but Hux on, for eighteen months. When she'd brought her patient back miraculously cured, the Merisee Asylum authorized his release that very day.

There were only vague references to the events causing this sharp turn in Hux's life. The young man had been at the top of his university classes, physics and mathematics studies, before the murders. Searching a little deeper rewarded Kylo with a holo of one of the interviews, done before his being taken to Naboo, in preparation for the trial that never took place. After locking his office door to ensure no one else might inadvertently see part of the holo, Kylo played it.

 _A rough looking Hux, likely in his early twenties, glared straight ahead with hands secured together and feet bound to the chair he sat upon about a meter behind a small table. There was an armed guard at both his seven and five o'clock positions._

" _Armitage Jaymond Hux. You are being assessed today regarding the murders of…I'm not going to list them," came the tinny voice of the interviewer._

" _Why not? Go on," young Hux taunted._

" _Previous interviews show that you seem to enjoy it. You've freely admitted to killing these fourteen people, is that correct?"_

" _Very. What is the nature of this interview?"_

" _This is a psychological evaluation."_

 _The holo-Hux gave a humorless laugh and shook his head. "Is it? Shocking."_

" _You don't seem very surprised."_

 _Hux tilted his head in an eerie manner and leaned forward. "They let you in here? With me? With an intellect like that? Who did you piss off?"_

 _One of the guards grabbed Hux's shirt and slammed him back into the chair, to which the pale youth chuckled and glanced back at them._

" _My records show that you don't exhibit any regret over your actions," said the interviewer, seemingly nonplussed. "Is that accurate, you feel no remorse for taking those lives?"_

" _Absolutely none."_

" _Why is that?"_

" _Do you feel, ah...exhibit any regret over throwing away garbage?"_

" _You mean to say these people, every single one, were garbage?"_

" _The lot of them were degenerate filth," Hux spat, face twisting with contempt. "Cowards who slaughtered women and children with their terrorist bombs."_

" _Is that a reference to Armilen?"_

 _Holo-Hux suddenly strained violently against his bonds, his hands somehow free, and the cords connecting his feet to the chair snapped. There was a clattering blur of motion then. The table was thrown into the interviewer, one of the guards screaming as something in Hux's hands was driven into their neck, and a spray of red hit the holorecorder before the holo stopped._

Kylo stared at his desktop where the miniature scene had played out. The few times he had seen the general in such an active state involved the officer's training arena. Kylo now had a private facility and that particular awkwardness hadn't been repeated, but even then Hux had not appeared so uncharacteristically feral.

Searching the files for any reference to Armilen, the name mentioned by the interviewer, rewarded him with a single file including an image of a ginger female appearing the same age as holo-Hux and with the same last name. She must have been the general's twin, the visible similarities uncanny and their birth dates mere minutes apart.

Armilen Hux's file contained a date of death in 20 ABY with a reference to a terrorist attack on some transport station Kylo had never heard of. Her coroner report listed multiple injuries but cardiac arrest for cause of death. Further down, there was a notation marking suffocation as cause of death for the child she was carrying.

Kylo pushed his chair away from the desk and stood to pace around his office. He wanted something to use against Hux in the future, should the need arise, and an explanation for the general's odd relationship with the strange woman on their flagship. Granted, he had found the latter, but accompanied by a personal tragedy Kylo hadn't wanted to know. It made him uncomfortable.

This story at least provided insight on certain aspects of Hux's personality: the avid savagery toward any kind of rebellion and his drive to see governance established to stop the type of attacks which murdered his sister and unborn niece. No wonder there had been animosity between them before, heavily molded by Snoke's influence, as the tall general watched Kylo receive privilege based on lineage when the only family Hux cared about had been brutally torn from him.

Not unlike Kylo's own family history, the difference being that his parents had torn themselves from him. The only tragedy there was his being born Force sensitive to two people who should never have gotten married in the first place, much less become parents. Then Skywalker's betrayal and witnessing the destruction of the academy... Kylo stopped pacing and rubbed his temples to stay the headache he felt coming. This was a waste of time. Now that his curiosity about Hux was sated, though a niggling caution still remained regarding their new guest, he needed to get to work.

He had ordered the Knights of Ren to the Finalizer immediately after Brentaal's signing, whatever mission they were on irrelevant with Snoke dead. The time had come for Kylo's knights to be used for his own purposes, one of which was funding. The financial state left by Snoke was prosperous, but Kylo had made significant changes to the Order and change had a price tag. Unwilling to compromise on certain issues, he had already ventured into commerce by purchasing several mining and metal recycling businesses through a shell company. A company registered in his legal name.

Snoke never bothered legalizing his change of Kylo's name, assuming the Supreme Leadership of it all official enough, and Kylo could not exactly saunter into the courts of Hana City himself. Even if he did, the name 'Kylo Ren' would draw far too much unwanted attention to his dealings. Purchasing assets in the name of the Order was also out of the question. In the eyes of the New Republic, the First Order was a terror organization and thus lacked the widespread legal recognition necessary to acquire businesses. Kylo was fine with that since he realized organizations came and went, and if something went wrong with the Order any capital gained would be lost with it.

Allowing one of his conniving generals to oversee the financing of Kylo's ultimate goal was too ridiculous a notion to entertain. The most convenient option to retain control would be to use a dormant company he had established a lifetime ago. Not the most pleasant, but the company already existed under his previous name and he had needed to make arrangements quickly.

So far, the setup was working well enough and revenue was beginning to steadily pour into his accounts. Kylo planned to send Masma Ren and General Lohne to deal with the one company proving troublesome to acquire. The Outer Rim Oreworks Mining Company's business practices were deplorable, their employees subjected to terrible conditions, and Kylo would lose no sleep doing things the hard way. He had Corellia to attend to and would not use his own time when other people's was available.

Zuben's plan for Corellia first required securing their navy's funders in the Order's pocket. Hux's operants had been gradually escalating the native turmoil on the planet for weeks, and soon conditions would become so desperate the Corellian Navy would stage a coup. Beleaguered freedom fighters would receive gracious assistance from the Order, first represented by General Prentys, in their fight against the new navy regime. Zuben's plan would culminate with the Finalizer arriving and lending military support to the Corellian rebel effort to end the coup. Her intent was to soften the Corellians by having them see Kylo and the Order help the people, then press the advantage to persuade them to sign his accord. A good and clean plan.

Sensing someone was at his door, Kylo used the Force to unlock and open it. Errion Ren stood in her black wrap-coat, sleek helmet firmly on her head, and a shoto lightsaber on each hip. She walked into his office silently, correctly assuming the opening of the door to be the invitation. When the door closed behind her, she pulled the helmet off and stood at attention before him, a deep orange braid circling her head in a messy crown.

"Master."

"Errion. The helmet is no longer mandatory on Order ships. You have heard news of the Supreme Leader?"

Grey eyes studied him for a moment before she replied, "You are now the Supreme Leader, Master."

Kylo felt his face twitch at the name and sighed irritatedly. Errion was difficult to gauge at times, her bearing giving hardly any hint to her true intent. Over the years, since Snoke had chosen her to be the first of Kylo's apprentices, he had developed the ability to discern the meaning of even the most minute adjustment in her body language. She was anxious and overalert, as if being in his presence now made her nervous where before she would have been attentive, but at relative ease. The knowledge was distressing, but he pushed it aside.

"I am Lord Kylo Ren of the First Order."

Her eyebrow arched. "You have not taken the title of Supreme Leader?"

"I have replaced it with a less ridiculous title. Did you complete your mission?"

Errion took a breath, her body tensing. Kylo's stomach turned as it dawned on him what was happening. She had not completed her mission, whatever it was, and now expected to be punished by Kylo as Snoke had punished all of them. Keeping his face blank was difficult with rage rearing its head within him as memories surfaced. Being summoned to Snoke's throne room to find one, or all, of his knights writhing in pain and desperately trying to keep silent. Screaming seemed to inspire their mercurial overlord to further action.

"At the time of my recall, I had not, Master. I take full responsibility for my failure. As Supreme Leader Snoke is gone, you may punish m—"

"No," he interrupted quickly, "Snoke is dead, Errion, and his methods with him. All of them." It was almost impossible to keep the disgust out of his voice.

The woman's breath hitched and her jaw clenched before she caught herself and smoothed her features back to neutral. He had expected a reaction from her. None of the knights knew how their mistreatment had affected him. Snoke had used the abuse of them as a punishment for Kylo's own failings, real or imagined, once the dead leader had figured out the impact it had on his student. Kylo was their master and was supposed to protect them, but instead was the cause of their suffering. The guilt of that sat heavy on Kylo even now.

The Knights of Ren had no idea the same master who trained them into living weapons would not be able to keep food in his stomach for days after witnessing their pain. Kylo never let on the nightmares that followed such events. Waking up with cold sweat on his skin and bile rising in his throat from dark dreams where he was as unable to save his knights in his mind as he was in reality. Even so, Kylo would rather they viewed him as cold and uncaring than allow them to see a weak master. Though, once — with his two personal apprentices — that mask had been shattered.

He fought to pull the surging tide of anger back so he could attend to business. Controlling his emotions had become only slightly less difficult since his last connection with the desert girl, but he rejected the wondering thoughts that his ability to walk that narrow path of control was linked to this bond. Kylo recentered himself and began outlining Errion's mission to Corellia, soothed to note that her shoulders relaxed just slightly. He was glad she hadn't taken a knee when she came in — the thought of his knights bowing and scraping as they had been forced to with Snoke was repellent.

Errion would have to wait for Deprat Ren to arrive, so Kylo instructed her to spend the time as she saw fit. Likely, she would train and rest in intervals as she usually did. When she left, she carried the helmet under her arm and Kylo almost wished he could walk with her to observe the reaction from the crew. Errion was not terrible to look upon by any means and it would be the first time her face was seen by anyone outside the Rens. The knights had never been unmasked before, both to hide their identity and to intimidate.

But Kylo Ren's First Order was not the same beast as Snoke's. The only ones who preferred the helmets were Deprat and himself, and Kylo had grown used to being without his. Although it had been lost in a fit of pique at Snoke's insults, despite the Supreme Leader being the one insisting on masks in the first place, the time had come to leave it in the past. Kylo was done hiding in the shadows and watching the galaxy fall apart.

Corellia's situation was not ready for the Finalizer's arrival, but he was eager to move forward. Hux received news regularly that events were still coinciding with their plans, the good news making Kylo itch to take action. With Coruscant also on the horizon, however, it was more important that Kylo have at least the skeleton of a strategy in place before the First Order reached Corusca sector. That work took up the next handful of hours and near the end left Kylo more frustrated than anything else.

Coruscant was such a logistical mess and so politically convoluted that addressing every minor issue that might come up was more trouble than it was worth. Even with a method in mind for taking the planet, if things were to change the planning could all be for naught. He downloaded the stratagem and relevant information on a datapad for Hux so it could be fleshed out and modified, as Kylo wasn't interested in working on it further. He was interested in getting out of his chair, and so rose to make his way toward Hux's office.

This had become a habit of sorts, Kylo using every opportunity to move about the ship. He felt it had improved the crew's attitude toward their new leader, seeing him doing things on a regular basis. Protocol would have a lower ranking officer shoulder the responsibility of delivering data to and fro, but Kylo was above such regulation and disliked the restlessness that came with sitting for long periods. Turning a corner brought voices to his ears and he looked up to see Hux and his doctor friend walking toward him, involved in a heated exchange.

"No, what I'm saying is that you cannot be left here, 'Neia. It isn't safe," the general was saying in a frustrated tone.

"And I am saying I _must_ go, moreni. These people have much fear," she countered. She gestured with a pale hand, gauzy fabric fluttering as she did, and continued. "I cannot ignore... Here, what is this word?"

Hux furrowed his brow in concentration and stared at nothing for a moment before answering, "Mm, distress? Need?"

"Iia. How can I turn my face away? Have these ones not done as you asked? Are they not under your protection now?"

"They are, but the fact is these people would consider _you_ part of the First Order and I am not so foolish as to believe we are a loved organization," Hux reasoned. "Don't you see? You will want to help them, but they might only see you as an enemy. I will not be there to protect you." The last words were heavily stressed and Kylo could tell the general's exasperation was growing.

There was a trilling noise, as if from a bird, and Kylo realized it had come from the woman when it ended with an irate sigh. She saw him standing at the end of the corridor and made the same motion as their first meeting, fingers touching her forehead and moving out toward him.

"Tisi, Lord Kylo Ren. I hope peace has found you." Crinkled material, thin and snowy with sparse gold beading, wrapped her body in a slightly different style than the last time Kylo saw her. It moved like water when she lowered her arm back to her side.

General Hux gathered himself and made his own reception, though Kylo caught the anxiety bloom strong in his mind. "Lord Ren."

Kylo, unsure how to acknowledge her greeting, nodded at the female before turning to Hux. "Is there a problem, General?"

Before Hux could respond, she beat him to it. "I wish to accompany your men to Brentaal surface. My son argues."

"And she wishes to be _left_ there with them for some galaxy-kriffing reason," Hux added hotly.

"Miitaj," she said disapprovingly, laying a hand on his arm, "seroth pun'o iali." The unmollified man huffed and she turned to Kylo again. "These people have distress, mieth'teni."

Seeing Kylo's eyebrow raise at the strange appellation, Hux jumped in. "It means 'leader', my Lord."

Kylo glanced at him, then back at Hux's surrogate maternal figure. "The General is correct. You would be stranded here and we are not returning anytime soon."

Lavender eyes looked down searchingly before fixing on him again. "Then, please, mieth'teni, my ship —"

"Airmeneia…." Hux interrupted warningly, going bowstring-taut. Testing the man's mind again, Kylo sensed Hux was indeed panicked and preparing for some sort of incident. Interesting.

He held up his hand, trying to summon patience from within himself and only mildly succeeding. "The Northao is not cleared for undock while that hangar is in use. You will remain on the Finalizer for the time being."

The deep violet dappling around her face, neck, and what could be seen of her shoulders darkened. Her slit pupils grew to almost full circles and her expression became stony. The effect was unsettlingly familiar, though Kylo couldn't place why. He almost imagined the woman bathed in a blue glow, but the thought faded. She locked her large eyes with his and then slid her gaze to Hux, who returned the look with worry.

Finally, she closed her eyes and nodded, purple dappling returning to its former shade. "I am much disappointed to be kept here when I am needed." Beside her, Hux looked like he might be sick. Her eyes opened, pupils their usual wide slits again, and she leveled them at Kylo. "But I understand. I will do this for my son. Tisi."

As they both watched her go, Kylo heard his general letting out a shaky sigh. Turning to him, Hux said, "I apologize, my Lord. She can be very…." He trailed off, as if searching for the right word.

"Stubborn. I noticed."

"Yes. I will tell her your word is final and not to press you again."

Kylo stifled a scoff and handed the datapad to Hux. "I'm sure that will go well."

"My Lord?"

"Information regarding Coruscant and some notes on possible ways to proceed. Expand and adapt it. I want something workable by the time we close dealings with Brentaal."

Nodding, Hux's eyes scanned the data quickly. "Very good. I will see to it." There was a pause before the general spoke again, "There is something else, my Lord. Regarding the new edict."

Kylo studied Hux's face for a moment, deciding whether or not he wanted to deal with this right now, but ended up motioning for the other man to follow as Kylo turned to start back toward his own office. Hux explained the situation in as few words as possible but the succinctness did nothing to assuage Kylo's temper, which had risen steadily by the time they reached their destination.

The last hallway had been filled with absolute silence as Kylo attempted to bring himself under control. Now he stood, as the door to his office closed behind them both, facing away from the general and focusing on clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. Inside his mind, a storm was building and it seemed the more he tried to calm it, the more violent it became. He could feel the muscles in his jaw twitching. From behind him, the red haired man was still as a statue, likely concerned about the safety of his neck.

"I trust this contract has been canceled," Kylo finally bit out.

The answer came immediately and in a quieter voice than normal, "Directly after your order was given."

It calmed him only a little, but Kylo welcomed it. He found that he no longer relished losing control as he had previously. "Have we received any further messages from them?"

"No, my Lord. We have been monitoring for Hutt transmissions, but there hasn't been anything further." When Kylo said nothing, Hux broke the stretch of quiet. "You were...unaware of this contract?"

When Kylo turned to face him, Hux straightened and lifted his chin as the Lord of the First Order stared at him. "I was under the impression this...failing...had been dealt with years ago."

A look of understanding came over the general's face but he said nothing further on that, opting to continue with business instead. "No communication doesn't rule out the possibility of retaliation. That contract was especially lucrative for them."

"How much of the Stormtrooper program was supplied for by the Hutt slave contract?" Kylo asked, muscles in his back and shoulders tightening as if in preparation for a blow. How bad had this fraudulence of Snoke's been? How much had the creature been willing to manipulate and hide from him? Hux wasn't answering. His blue eyes flicked to the side and his lips were pressed together in a straight line.

"Hux!" Kylo shouted, his voice echoing against the walls. Now was not the time for Hux to test his longanimity.

"Sixty-four percent."

Both chairs in the room flew into the opposite wall, their impact breaking off pieces that skittered across the floor. The desk shook violently before bending inwards on itself, metal screaming as a mug broke against the floor and datapads fell with it. Hux paled but stood in place, unmoving and eyes straight ahead, as the crumpled metal finally settled.

Kylo had been vehemently and vocally against the First Order using slavery from the very moment he'd found out about it. Since the subject had been such a contention despite attempts to _correct_ Kylo's view, Snoke had told him the practice would be stopped as a reward for carrying out his duties perfectly for a time. Kylo had. The damage it had done to his apprentices, and himself, still lingered. Errion barely communicated with anyone but Masma. And Masma….

At first Errion hadn't understood the sudden change in her master, as she had been his first apprentice and he'd trained her as he wished for fourteen months. Masma, given to him by Snoke a week into his year of obedience, knew no different. Kylo had feared that telling either why their own master tortured them would earn the Supreme Leader's wrath, so both grew fearful and resentful of him. When he finally told them of the year of obedience and why it was necessary, their attitudes changed but the situation did not.

He fought down a wave of nausea and emotion at the memory of a small broken body curled up at his feet with blood, bruises, and burns littering the dark skin. Every wound and injury done by Kylo's own hands per Snoke's instruction in his mind, lest even worse take place. Light brown eyes filled with pride and adoration had stared up at his unmasked and tormented face, even as dark red dripped from her mouth and the breath rattled in her chest. The laughter echoing in his skull as Kylo's master mocked his anguish.

All for _nothing_.

"Sixty-four." Kylo repeated tonelessly, trying not to think of all he'd done during that time. Things Snoke knew he would normally refuse, things he'd tried to numb himself to. Done under the belief he would not have to participate in the system which had enslaved his grandfather, his youngest apprentice, and — albeit for a short time — the woman who gave birth to him. Things that were done for a lie.

"How much will the new treaty amendment offset that?"

Hux's answer came out lower than usual, almost soft. "The current numbers see twenty-two percent of that deficit being recovered, but that is only Brentaal. By the end of the week I will have numbers that include all federated worlds."

Kylo absently pondered to what extent the man knew his personal affairs, and how. "I want that report as soon as you finish it," he said woodenly. "Masma and Deprat are due in a few days. Make space; you know how she is."

"Ah," Hux said unhappily, likely at being faced with Masma again. "Errion Ren has already arrived?"

Normally Hux would be apprised of every happening on the Finalizer, but the Knights of Ren answered only to their master and the leader of the First Order. Their clearance codes allowed their dock and undock to go unnoticed unless they used the main hangar, which Errion did not. Kylo knew from experience she liked the idea of her appearance or disappearance being a surprise to all but the Order's leader. Masma was the opposite, preferring to make an entrance and would undoubtedly do so upon arriving given her prolonged absence. At least Deprat would be straightforward, as he always was in his habits.

Kylo nodded in response to Hux's question. "She and Deprat will leave to join Prentys at Corellia as soon as Deprat is briefed. General Lohne will accompany Masma to the Outer Rim."

Hux was quiet for a moment before asserting, "Surely Masma Ren is sufficient to deal with the mining company. We may have need of the Conqueror at Corellia."

"I want that company with minimal complications, General. And I doubt the necessity of six ships at Corellia."

"As you wish, my Lord," Hux said. "Are we still keeping these business ventures to ourselves? She will be alone with him."

"We are," Kylo answered. He always found Hux's random flickers of concern for Kylo's two apprentices to be uncharacteristic. "The rest of the High Command doesn't need to know where the money comes from, Hux. Lohne only knows the mining company has something I want. It's all he needs to know. Masma is more than capable of keeping him in line."

"Yes," the older man remarked after a moment, his tone colored with begrudging admittance and apprehension.

His general seemed perturbed by something and Kylo, prodding the man's mind just barely, was able to sense that it was not due to the moving furniture, business dealings, or even the prospect of Masma's attentions. Something else was bothering the redhead and had been since Kylo's decree about slavery among the allied planets. Kylo discerned a reticence in Hux to bring up the matter, whatever it was, borne from unpreparedness. For now, Hux could wallow in it — Kylo had nowhere near the patience to try and wheedle it out of the man without causing lasting harm.

After dismissing Hux, Kylo ordered cleaning droids to his office and three troopers to meet him in his training arena. He had no desire to go through the queue in his quarters when there was aggression and exasperation to work out. While the anger at his dead master had lessened earlier, it had only done so momentarily. Now the feeling was billowing up through his chest and he needed the physicality of a fight.

Combat droids were fine enough, usually, but right now Kylo wanted real combat against real people. The troopers he'd called were three of six who, for some time now, sparred with him regularly. They were the only six out of a great many he'd summoned who did not let fear of him get in the way of their sessions.

All six had been given the code to his arena door, though only two were waiting when he entered. They must have just arrived, as FE-1033 was still tying up her hair and PT-9599 had only begun to pull off his helmet. The last was not yet there, but Kylo knew he could expect her shortly. Rocket troopers couldn't exactly stop immediately if they were in training maneuvers, as the rest of the corp could. Kylo busied himself with disrobing to his pants and undershirt only, not intending to wait.

"Evening, sir," said FE-1033, who called herself Effie. She now sported a messy golden bun on top of her head, her standard choice for their spars.

Kylo knew most of the corp came up with names for themselves despite official procedures forbidding it. In this room only, he did the same both for brevity's sake and because it fostered good relations. "Effie. Pete," he said, nodding to each in turn.

"Sir." PT-9599, known as Pete, replied and raised a brown hand in salute as the door opened and the rocket trooper rushed in.

As soon as the door closed behind her, CZ-2607 pulled her helmet off and ran a hand through her short hair. The disheveled state she was in suggested she had run all the way from the lower decks. A good distance; no wonder she was breathless. That fact salved his irritation.

"Sir, I'm so sorry!" she panted as she pulled off the rocket pack. "We were in the middle of an exercise when the call came in."

Siza, as CZ-2607 called herself, kept her body armor on like all the troopers did during these workouts. Kylo was the only one who regularly chose not to wear any, also forsaking use of both lightsaber and the Force. He nodded at her and motioned impatiently toward the wall of practice weapons. Pete almost always chose batons, being well versed in their use as a riot control trooper, while the other two varied their choices. Without further preamble, Kylo gestured with his practice saber for them to begin.

Immediately, they came at him as one unit. Each tested his defenses and when one would dart forward to attack, the other two prepared to make their own pass at him. Every so often two would assail him in tandem while the one remaining stayed on the defensive and watched his responses. Kylo didn't worry too much about whether he was leaving himself open or not, as there was always an opening to be found by a skilled fighter. Obsessing about a perfect defense would obstruct his ability to make a tenable offense.

As he blocked attacks and made his own, his mind began to calm. Moving his body and mind together required every scrap of his attention, leaving zero room for extraneous thought. Having the three of them against him was better than a battalion of combat droids, in his opinion. Droids, while efficient, could not intuit and react purely on instinct. Such was only possible for flesh and blood, except the extremely advanced droids which the First Order did not use for combat. Another reason for using live spar partners was their ability to work together and coordinate attacks in ways Order combat droids were not widely programmed to do.

Each one of them was good at something the others were not. When it came to finding every minute opening and exploiting it to the fullest, Effie was surgically precise. She had once, in a previous match, somehow gotten to the inside of his wrist making him drop his practice saber, and he'd been forced to use just his hands for the duration of the bout. Pete was excellent at assessing his opponent and designing moves meant to draw out and annoy, aggravating the enemy until they faltered. Siza was the opposite; she rushed in fiercely and bombarded her enemy with an onslaught of aggressive moves. If one wasn't careful against her, they would tire out and lose to her stamina and energy.

Effie swiped at the back of his leg and when he dodged, it put him straight in line of a baton whipping out to crack against his shoulder. Kylo instantly lashed out with a kick but Pete had already retreated after his attack, so Kylo was only able to graze his midsection. The fight went on until Siza grunted in pain and dropped to the ground, holding her arm as the practice saber she had been using against him fell to the floor. Kylo held up a fist and the other two stopped. Pushing into her mind, he recognized the sensations as likely from a broken bone and instructed Effie to call a medical droid.

Cuts and bruises were of no concern to him, as troopers were trained to continue their duties with all sorts of small injuries, but a broken bone needed to be treated without delay. He had no wish to cause permanent damage to his people, at least not to those who were loyal. While this had not been the first time a serious injury took place among the six troopers he trained with, Kylo had a vested interest in keeping their overall health intact.

Siza was still learning the saber, as only very basic use of them was taught to troopers, and her stance had not been adequate to deflect the force of his attack. Her form had instantly broken, causing his wooden saber to glance off hers and into her arm. Having taken off her forearm protector to allow full range of her wrist and therefore more easily use the saber, her unguarded arm took the full brunt of his down-swing. Kylo was irritated with himself for not seeing the flaw and avoiding this mishap.

Falling into a crouch in front of her, he caught her eyes. "Next time drop your center of balance as low as possible and turn the blade fully horizontal. And keep your armor on, Siza. Learn to move around the inconvenience."

"Yes, sir," she said in a voice smaller than her usual one. The deep olive flesh of her face and neck was flushed and her muscles tightened with pain. "Sorry, sir."

"Don't apologize," he corrected simply. Siza nodded with eyes squeezed shut, dark blunt-cropped bangs sticking to her forehead.

He wanted to take her to the infirmary himself but would not insult her by treating her like she wasn't the hardened soldier she'd spent all her life training to be. Her breaths were unsurprisingly short and he instructed her in breathing exercises to help ease the discomfort. The arm was already swelling and she held it raised though obviously painful to do so. Kylo knew because he was still in her mind, able to experience the pain for himself.

He'd done the same with his apprentices during the year of obedience, never letting them suffer alone when he was there. Not once. When he inadvertently became Master of the Knights of Ren, he did the same for his other knights: ever-calm Deprat and his polar opposite Bahim, until the latter's death. Always, he shared their experience. Sometimes all at once. Because it was, he felt, always his fault they were subjected to it. Accepting that suffering into himself was the only penance he could make. Kylo was now very skilled at taking pain.

After instructing her to relax her arm, he kept it aloft himself using the Force — her blue-green eyes had widened considerably as he did and there was a gasp from behind him — until the medical droids arrived and took over. He ordered Siza put in a bacta tank to further accelerate the healing process, something troopers were not normally granted access to. She cast him a last, apologetic look as she was led away down the corridor. Kylo toweled off and redressed before leaving, knowing that Pete and Effie would stay the customary half hour he gave his troopers after each spar.

Earlier fury dissipated, Kylo showered in his quarters before dressing for sleep. He was not comfortable with the guilt that had surfaced after injuring Siza, though he was certainly not a stranger to the concept. She was a soldier. They got injured. The young woman, along with the rest of his troopers, knew full well what sparring with Kylo Ren meant. None were forced to continue; he made it clear the choice was theirs.

Perhaps it was because Siza was roughly the same height and build as the scavenger. Kylo didn't like the thought but it would stand to reason. The overpowering sense of protection that came over him when that Jakku girl was involved may have bled out into his reaction in the arena. Or perhaps memories of his own actions against his apprentices had exacerbated what would normally have been an easily navigated regret over an accident. That idea didn't sit any better with him.

Ordering his evening meal delivered to his rooms, Kylo decided to do the work he should have been doing while snooping into Hux's background. Finishing took longer due to his straying mind, and he tried meditating in the hopes it would realign the wayward thoughts. Lately, he had been able to attain a measure of success. The thin strip of serene composure was not as difficult to grasp, though it still took too much effort to maintain during most of the day. Whereas before he had been an attack beast and leashing his temper was of minimal importance, now he commanded the entire First Order and having respect was imperative to reaching his goals.

Free from distraction or interruption, meditating was usually the time he would call out to his grandfather. Yet, there remained only silence for his answer. Nothing had come from the Sith Lord since this whole mess began on Jakku. So many things seemed to begin there that Kylo was disappointed Starkiller Base was no longer available to obliterate the hulking desert wasteland. He refocused his attention on meditating, taking deep breaths to center himself.

Attuning to the Force made him think of the last connection with the girl, which reminded him how horribly misled she'd been. It occurred to him he should not have pushed his memories onto her, regardless of his frustration and how much he had wanted to make her see how nonsensical her line of thinking truly was. Once, long ago, he had been just as naive and foolish as she was now. Thinking the galaxy could be trusted to see peace when it was offered, and actually choose it.

He had been wrong. Blindingly so. The galaxy was made up of people and those people, he discovered, were either too selfish or too ignorant to make the choices leading to peace. Every time they were given free rein it was corruption and suffering that ruled, not peace and freedom. She would know that if she had been out there for any reasonable length of time, finding the truth as he once had, instead of pining away in the desert for people who would never come. Now, though, she had a chance to see the reality of things.

Hopefully it would not be long before she understood. This was the only way, only method, that would _force_ the galaxy as a whole to pay attention to the gaping inadequacies of their rulers. Those rulers did not care about protecting them, did not even want to bother with them. Kylo did.

Under his rule they would be united and liberated from corruption and poverty, with every individual having an equal chance at bettering themselves and their lives. Kylo knew not everyone would choose to do so, content to languish in their backward ways, but the avenue would be there for the many who wanted more. Right now, their only option was to be used and taken advantage of.

After witnessing the travesties he had, experiencing the injustice for himself, and watching the sorrow firsthand — for what the scavenger had seen was only a few of many memories — Kylo had wanted to change it more than he had ever wanted anything. Speaking with Skywalker had only agitated them both, since the old man hid behind his Jedi code. Organa had spoken to him as if he were a toddler about all the ways her hands were tied, as useless to him as her twin. Han had been gone most of that year, as usual.

The only person who listened had been intending to draw Kylo into their own machinations all along. Snoke.

Still wary of the man at that point, though the whispers and sly speech had crawled around in his head as long as he could remember, Kylo had thrown himself into academia to distract himself from the despair of powerlessness. His need to understand the things around him were channeled elsewhere and, for a time, the tactic had worked though it eventually set in motion his exile to Skywalker's training temple. That had turned out just wonderfully. The old man was so afraid of seeming to favor his nephew that Kylo had been pushed to the side, never allowed to truly progress.

Skywalker's neglect had only served to make things easier for Snoke. Whereas before, Kylo had been wary and at times frightened of his Force abilities, the scraps of teaching his uncle gave him had whet his appetite for knowledge. Limited information was never enough for Kylo, not with any subject, and he'd resorted to studying the Jedi texts in secret to get more.

Snoke had answers in plenty and when Skywalker attempted to murder his nephew, to whom else would Kylo turn? After the dust had settled, and Kylo witnessed what telling Snoke the location of the temple had wrought, he knew he could never return home. No acceptance or forgiveness would come from them. There was nowhere else to go.

Kylo sighed, frustrated. His thoughts would not do as he wanted, and he already knew Vader would not come. Nothing was going to be gained tonight by continuing this joke of a meditation exercise. He exited his meditation room and, after turning out the lights using the Force because at least that would work, made his way to his bedroom. On the way, he grabbed the bottle of Nabooian whiskey from the table holding his spirits and poured himself a healthy glass. If meditating wasn't going to cooperate in settling his mind so he could sleep, he could still be confident the whiskey would be obliging.


End file.
